girlofprey

The Laugh of the Medusa by Helene Cixous

I read The Laugh of the Medusa in university, as part of the Theory part of my English course, and it honestly changed my life. It's a very short read, but so concise, and powerful. I think everyone should read it, but especially women, just in case it has something in it for you. Here it is in full, although it was originally written in French and I think that's a translation of a revised version, so I don't know if it's the text I read in university. But it reads the same.

And particularly this passage:

"To write. An act which will not only [...]; it will tear her away from the superegoized structure in which she has always occupied the place reserved for the guilty (guilty of everything, guilty at every turn: for having desires, for not having any; for being frigid, for being "too hot"; for not being both at once; for being too motherly and not enough; for having children and for not having any; for nursing and for not nursing ... )"

Made me rethink everything I thought about women and sexism and the way people thought about me, and the way I thought about myself. It is an amazing essay.

It's hard to find time for porn, video games, and all the other practical things in my life I kind of need to do. Also writing. And soaps. I'm falling very behind on soaps at the moment. We stopped watching them during the holiday, and then there were the Olympics, and now this. I'm meant to be doing a soap podcast again in a few weeks, too.

On the plus, I did find a really incredible fic for a fandom I have no interest in getting involved in - which is sometimes the best combination you can manage, since you're not spending all your time thinking 'this isn't the fic I really wanted, though', or 'I don't think [character X] would have phrased it exactly like that. Essentially, I was looking through a kink tag, found a new fandom and pairing with a dynamic I enjoyed through that kink tag, decided to read all the fic for that pairing, and then found a really good fic that was actually a turn-on and restored my faith in slash fic of the moment. Also there is genuine video online of that (RPF) pairing, where one of them is spoon-feeding the other one pudding for the pleasure of the audience. So that was nice.

I was hoping after that video from the weekend that the tags for my pairing from the Let's Players would be flooded with serial killer!AUs (with fluff), and carrying fic. Sadly that hasn't happened yet. But maybe it's in the works.

Yesterday I finally got around to applying for benefits again. It turned out my last ESA payment was on the 20th of last month, not the 15th, so I couldn't have applied before this weekend anyway. But it was probably some of the least fun I've ever had. First off, it told me I couldn't have Jobseeker's Allowance, I qualified for Universal Credit because of my postcode. Then - having taken me to the Universal Credit page - it said I could make a full claim if my postcode started with a certain set of numbers and letters. It didn't, so it said I could make a partial claim if I lived in 'one of the below areas', and gave me a list. I didn't live in any of them. But the form had said I qualified for Universal Credit, so I started an application anyway. And it turned out I did. Way to make applying for benefits accessible and easy to understand, Conservatives. Anyway, then I actually got to fill out the form - woo! - and it involved needing to know my parents' exact dates of birth and whether they received any benefits at all, and then exactly how much money I had in total. My online banking decided to break at that exact moment, so I ended up having to guess from recent bank statements. They didn't really say how specific I had to be, but whatever. But finally I actually submitted the form - and it gave me some details about what would happen from then on. Which was really nice, but mostly what I learned was that I'll be getting paid £100 less than I did on ESA, and I probably won't receive any payment until October 5th at the earliest.

After I submitted the form, the page took me directly to the government's job-seeking page. I already had an account on there, so I signed in and had a look. I spent a few minutes wading through jobs it suggested for me in Rotherham and Manchester, and then tried a different searchword and almost immediately got offered a zero-hours contract.

Then today I got some ice-cream, and tried to play a free trial of a game I got offered, which ended up taking 3 hours to download. Still. Joy.

I am still working on my Dragon Age fic. I really want Zevran to be involved, and I have an idea for how he could be, but I don't think I could make it believable with other characters involved in the fic. I would also like Morrigan and Wynne involved. And I thought maybe Leliana, but she would literally just talk all the time about how great it was my character was part of the Chantry now, and not understand when my character wanted to have her own beliefs in private, and when Loghain found out there was a literal Orlesian spy in the court he'd probably just kill everyone. So, there's that.

Hello. Comment with a prompt and I'll write a drabble for you (though possibly eventually). First ten only, any fandom you know I watch/like, but I reserve the right to veto any pairing that's just not doable. Like Caroline/Mac. Other than that, go wild. Gacked from whatho.

Because I clearly need to do some writing.

You Should Be a Film Writer

You don't just create compelling stories, you see them as clearly as a movie in your mind. You have a knack for details and dialogue. You can really make a character come to life. Chances are, you enjoy creating all types of stories. The joy is in the storytelling. And nothing would please you more than millions of people seeing your story on the big screen!

Hurrah?

Probably hurrah, yes. Though writing anything at this point would be a plus.

The one bad thing about copied DVDs people have kindly made for you is that you can't screencap them, or I don't know how to. If so, I would naturally have iconned Damien looking mock-yearningly at Henry's nephew for, like, five whole minutes. And also Dave bending right over Damien's legs/lap to get something from under his desk. Because omg. I'm contenting myself with how hurt Damien looked when the nephew suggested his style was dated. And missing having tiniago here to squee with :'(

But I watched Green Wing, finally. I watched the Green Wing with Guy in the coats. Guy crying in the coats. Guy with his broad chest and leaning right over Sue White and staring into her face and crying and screaming and offering the sex and omg. I laughed in the face of Guy!het once. No more. It is matched only slightly by him shamelessly, disregardingly using his tragic past to seduce a blond nurse with big teeth (from Man Stroke Woman). And putting his face very very beautifully close to Caroline's while he cautions her about using locks.

He just needs to have sex with everyone.

The spoilers (I didn't mean to, but yes) for next season are making me boggle. Boggle, I say. It is very kind of the universe to put it on so close to my birthday. Thank you universe. And cheers for the American Gothic DVDs, as well.

Visit from parents did not happen due to Jack being ill - not seriously, but enough that they want to stick around and help Katie out. Hence I am back spending my free time on the internet as usual. Going to a comedy thing later with flatmates and some of J's friends, and given that it is Sunday I'm not sure what to do between now and then. Aside from Burger King, yo.

Watched Sea of Souls ep three last night. ( Thoughts )

And, because everyone else is doing it:

( Ten ways you know you're reading a Girlofprey story )

I just realised I can probably buy Adrian Mole books at WH Smith, and still have a £15 gift card left over from Christmas. Duh! ::smacks self:: I also have a sudden striking desire to start watching Life on Mars. And slash John Simm (Raskolnikov! Eee!) and the blond-haired one, in gritty Seventies fashion. Probably I will.

A poll.

ETA: Okay, the poll refers mostly I suppose to pov-heavy fics, like vignettes. Or...yes. Damn you, jekesta.

[Poll #624322]

Hello! :)

I am randomly happy today. Hurrah.

Also I just had some pick'n'mix. Mmm.

Went out for halloween, after much self-debate/overthinking. Was a doll. Which essentially meant I got to wear a nice dress and coat and put a bit (lot) of white make-up on my face, and lipstick. I tried to do the scary blinking, but it didn't really pan out. But flatmates and I had fun, and made some random movies on K's phone (I'm a star!). Oh, and small people came to the door, in costumes, with lights, and I gave them galaxy ripples, and I was filled with the halloween spirit, and yes. We did not have a pumpkin. J carved an orange. I was not amused. But it was fun. Yes :)

Past halfway with Lemony Snicket 12. It has gotten dark again. I like it best when it is dark. You won't know what I'm talking about but ( Spoilers )

I don't know why I'm not hearing more about the 12th book from my ASOUE comms, but ah well. Maybe they've all lost interest - I'm the last safe fan! Ah well.

In other news, I want to live on a pirate ship.

And I have learned how to put text on icons using Microsoft Paint. Which inexplicably looks much more indistinct when saved than it does in the paint programme. But anyway - as such, behold my crappy text icons! Which I'm inexplicably proud of! You'll probably be seeing a lot of them in the weeks to come :)

I'll download Photoshop someday. Probably.

And; people are doing Nanowrimo. People are freaking out about Nanowrimo. ::Hugs/valium:: to them. I am thinking about Nanowrimo, if it is even possible, and despite the catch-up I would have to be doing. My old plot, which I actually had and everything, is haunting the back of my head. But I'm actually enjoying writing plain old fanfiction at the moment. And making crappy icons, which have a wordcount now! So hmm. Yes.

::love::

I'm slightly conscious of the fact that none of my 'fics' tend to make it even to the 500-word mark. I feel certain you all hate me and think I'm a half-arse sort of 'writer', or if you don't, that I hate myself and think I'm a half-arsed sort of 'writer'. That said, I'm going to waffle about it. ( Waffling )