girlofprey

( Me ranting about I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here )

Also I watched Coronation Street tonight. ( Spoilers )

And I have been watching a bit of Emmerdale this week, because I knew Declan was going to go weird. I stopped watching it again shortly afterward. It did make me reminisce about the good old days was Declan wasn't a cunt and Nathan was around though. And I will be eternally grateful to hestia8 for writing fic about them. ETERNALLY. At least there is some fictional universe where they are happy, or at least shagging.

So, I sort of accidentally finished InFamous. In fairness, the last of the story missions all had names like 'End Of The Road' and 'The Truth', but when I saved my games and looked back at them they had a statistic for how much of the game you'd completed, and after the second to last mission it said I'd only completed about 80% of the game. I'm guessing that's because there's still stuff I haven't completed, and I was doing a Good playthrough, so there's a lot of evil stuff I haven't done. I don't know. But anyway, I've done it. Sadly though, I wanted to actually look at what people were saying on the internet about it, but there's a second game, and I don't want to spoiler myself for it. I sort of have anyway, looking up a couple of things, but happily I found two conflicting sets of spoilers, so I still don't know what actually happens. Unhappily though, the second game must be new out, because it costs about £40, and I just spent quite a lot of time playing the first one, so I don't really feel like diving into a new game right away. So I'm still spoilerable. But I'll just have to be strong. And get and play it eventually.

I did enjoy it though. It took a turn for the super-angsty, which was kind of a shame, because I was really enjoying playing it as just a "random guy gets superpowers, fights bad guys" sort of game. I have nothing against angsty stuff, but sometimes I do just want something straightforward and adventure-y. And it's kind of annoying when you think you're playing/watching/reading one of those, and then it turns out you aren't. It was still good though, I did enjoy it. And I'm looking forward to playing the second game at some point.

Anyway. Another thing that has happened in my less than brilliant week is that I got my appeal papers from the DWP last week, complete with an explanation of why they didn't award me ESA in the first place and 'respectfully requesting' that the judge at the tribunal confirms this decision. And this week I got a letter from the Tribunals Service saying the case had been passed to them, and sending me a form to fill in. I have to do it and send it back within 14 days or they may assume I don't want to go ahead with my appeal, but before I do that I have to decide whether or not I want to actually appear at my appeal hearing. And I don't know. Apparently, people who appear at their hearing tend to do better than people who don't. But the fact is I'm not really expecting to be awarded it anyway, so I don't know if it'll make much difference. And the idea of actually going to the hearing, and having people question me about my illness and why I think it means I can't work doesn't exactly thrill me. But it might take longer if I say I actually want to appear, rather than them just deciding it without me, which would at least mean I got ESA payments for longer. And I got another letter with the form saying that the Tribunals Service I was being referred to was very busy at the moment, and I probably wouldn't get a hearing before next February, so I'd have lots of time to prepare. But I don't know. I probably will decide to appear. I'm just not really looking forward to it, or to telling them I want to do it. But I have to send the form off within the next week or two, regardless.

Oh, and I have been watching the soaps. Apparently, Declan on Emmerdale represses his feelings about people he loves when he finds things really difficult with them. I am in no way writing this into my Nathan/Declan pairing. No. But it would be an awesome time for Nathan to come back, and for them to decide they love each other, or at least are willing to put up with each other so they can be near each other, because it seems like Declan needs SOMEONE around. And on Coronation Street, I'm still not a big fan of David and Kylie as a pairing. But the sight of David standing in the rain, waiting for his wife to let him back into the house she'd locked him out of, and casually lying to her in order to get back in so he can explain things to her, was certainly very very welcome. I'm still finding it hard to like Kylie. It seems like she's had a hard life, but I just struggle to see anything NICE about her. And the writers, or someone, claims she's just 'incapable of being nice or friendly', but I don't really buy that, because she fakes it pretty well sometimes. I know that's not the same thing, but if she knows how to fake it, why can't she just make herself do it? Until she either decides no, she can't stand doing that long term, or until people start being nicer to her and she doesn't have to, or until it gets easier and she can just do it without it being so much of an effort? I don't know. At best, I just see her as being like a child. And that makes me think it's not really a great idea for her and David to get Max back. I already didn't think that was a great idea after the episode where they really went on about how much they wanted Max back, and then had a conversation where David said he couldn't see himself growing old, and just wanted to have adventures and die young, and Kylie said she wanted to come along too. Which doesn't really fit with the stable parents they apparently want to be. But whatever. I failed to see the episode where she blackmailed Audrey though, so possibly I have missed some of her characterisation, or am imagining it as being worse than it was. I don't know.

I have not been watching Hollyoaks lately though, since last Friday anyway. But I probably should, because it's Hollyoaks Later next week. Aaah!

So. My terrible week has begun. I'm not feeling too great about it. I went to the doctor's today and got my sick note and everything, so that was fine, but I didn't get much sleep last night, and I don't think I'll be getting much tonight. Actually today didn't go entirely smoothly, but it went alright, and it's tomorrow that I'm really worrying about. I don't think I had it the right way around when I was talking about this week's appointments last week, but tomorrow is my Disability benefit assessment. And it's the thing that I'm looking forward to least, so hopefully when it's over things will be better. But at the moment, it's tomorrow, and I'm worrying quite a bit about it.

I don't know. I've heard a bunch of horror stories online about the current disability system, and about people with proper physical conditions which stop them from working being pronounced fit for work. So I'm sort of not really expecting to get it, or trying to make myself not expect to get it, so it's not too huge a let-down, or so I don't blame myself too much. On the other hand, I do want to try my best to get it. All of my counsellors and the services I'm talking to at the moment have told me to explain what the worst case scenario with my symptoms is, or what my condition's like when it's at it's worst. But at the moment I can't even really think of that. I know things are bad, but they're not really as bad as they were when I was living on my own, in terms of affecting my ability to actually do stuff. But then again, I'm doing a lot less now than I did when I was living on my own. I don't know. I don't want to accidentally make out that it's better than it is, but I don't want to lie either. And I don't know what they'll want to hear that would convince them I'm not fit to work, or not feeling well enough to work right now. Not just so I can say it, whether it's true or not, but there might be plenty of stuff that they find important which I might not say because I don't think it's relevant, or I forget. But then again, I don't even know if it'll be about me making a big speech and laying out everything I have to say about how I'm feeling, or if it'll be more about them and the questions they're asking. I don't know.

I just wish it was over. Except that I don't, because I do want some time to sleep and to prepare. Except that I do, because I'm not sure I'm actually going to sleep or prepare. But it will be over by tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be feeling better by then. I'm getting a bit worked up and am pretty sure I'm acting weird. Also I've just eaten an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's knock-off ice-cream. So yeah. Anyway. It's not till tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully if I get some sleep tonight I'll feel better, and at least by tomorrow it'll be over I guess.

It's just come at a really funny time, as well. Obviously having it in the middle of a week which is unusually full of appointments for me is not ideal. And we've been having some issues at home lately. Nothing major - last week me, mum, my youngest nephew and the dog went for a walk, and our fairly old (he's 12) dog had an unfortunate incident of falling into a little ditch by the path and not being able to get back up again. I had to get down in the ditch with him, free his foot from some grass and pick him up until he could get his legs underneath him. And then he was eating grass and he was a bit sick for the next few days, not getting up from his bed very much and not eating his food. He's better now though. But also, our fridge is broken, and has been since last week as well, and mum's sort of freaking out not knowing what to buy, and not wanting to fill the freezer because she has to defrost the freezer for 24 hours before the repairmen come out to fix the fridge, and we don't know when that's going to be. So we're keeping everything we can in a mini-fridge in the garage, and in coolbags, and coolbags don't keep things as well as a fridge obviously, so I'm worrying about things going off. And our cat - who pretty strictly normally just kills birds and leaves them outside the garage for us - apparently killed a rat the other night and left it outside, so mum was worried rats might be being drawn in by the food in the garage. And we don't know what we're eating any day really, because we can't put stuff in the fridge and keep it, and the stuff we do have might have gone off by the time we get around to eating it. So yeah. It's kind of tense at home, unfortunately.

Anyway. I did mostly want to come on and talk about things that make me happy, rather than impending disability assessments. Mostly I wanted to talk about Coronation Street.

( Coronation Street )

I have a bunch of other things I want to post about, have been meaning to post about since last week really, but I don't really have the focus or the energy at the moment. And there's probably better things I could be doing with my time. It'll be okay, I think. I'm just not feeling too great at the moment. But it'll be over by tomorrow, I guess. Chances are I'm rattling myself more than I need to be, especially since I've been pushing myself to catch up with soaps and stuff over the weekend. Which was nice, but still. Anyway. It might not even be as bad tomorrow as I'm thinking. Which I would prefer, obviously.

So, these are my current issues with the internet: it's broken in my bedroom again. I don't know how, my network status thing claims that my wireless attachment thing is connected to the modem, but the modem is not connected to the internet. But when I use my dad's computer, which uses the same modem, it is connected to the internet. This happened on Monday night, just kind of suddenly, and it hasn't fixed itself anytime I've switched my laptop off and then on again, or when I've unplugged the wireless attachment and plugged it back in again. So I don't know. And then last night when I was on my dad's computer, checking my flist for the first time all day (up till about 2am) and about to make a post, we had a sudden powercut. So that plan went out of the window until today (and my nephew is coming over in about half an hour to an hour).

But anyway. The post I was pretty much going to make was: ( Last night's Emmerdale )

And now my nephew is here, so I have to go.

The night of the day I posted about my house having internet problems, and me having to use my dad's computer, he asked me to bring my laptop down to his room, and then put a thing in the USB socket and a disc in the computer to set it up, and now I can totally pick up N-something on my laptop and have the internet in my room again! However, my dad had warned me earlier in the week about us between us having almost completely used up our internet download limit for this month, possibly because of me watching old episodes of Hollyoaks off 4od, possibly because of a bunch of updates he'd been downloading. And I was trying to be careful, I really was, but last night I without really thinking about it clicked onto a few video links and things, and accidentally used the last of it up. So we didn't have the internet for all of today, and I only just got it back an hour or so ago. Our internet problems continue, basically. But they should be a bit better from now on.

In other news, I wish I didn't love so many characters that end up sexually assaulting women. I wish it so much. Although probably nothing will ever be as bad as when I loved Sam from Hollyoaks, AND THEN THAT WENT VERY WRONG. On a current note - I've basically been having problems with Coronation Street and been avoiding watching it lately because I heard a while ago - just about after all the murder trial stuff with Gail finished, I guess - that they were possibly going to do a rape storyline involving David Platt attacking Tina, his ex-girlfriend, in revenge for her still not getting back together with him and going out with his friend Graeme instead. And while it seemed like something that went a bit too far for David, it also seemed like something they might do if they wanted him to be a bit darker now that he was a proper adult. Or that they could do it, like if he did something while she was drunk, and he didn't really think of it as rape or something. But basically, I just found it really hard to watch thinking that that was something that might happen later on. I should have known better, really, given that even the 'insider' who was telling the newspaper about the story said that the producer thought that David, Tina and Graeme were the 'future' of the show, and you can't really have someone rape someone and then really stick around as an even vaguely sympathetic character.

But anyway, ( Tonight's episode, what actually happened )




( Spoilers for David, Tina and Graeme for the next couple of weeks/months of Coronation Street )

( Gary spoilers and speculations for the next few months, too )

It's weird with a lot of the characters I tend to love - a lot of them I love because they are basically jerks, who don't really cope with other people well, and if they are male don't always cope with women/relationships well. Which sadly seems to lead into some level of sexual assault/really terrible behaviour quite easily, when plots call for it. I'm not too worried about my apparent love of them, because I know from Sam from Hollyoaks that when things get REALLY bad I don't just keep loving them and forgiving what they've done because I liked the character. And there are plenty of characters I love that have never done any kind of sexual assault or anything weird to female characters. It's just that when ANOTHER ONE goes and does something, it gets slightly more awful. OH GOD DUDES, STOP DOING IT.

Anyway. In other news ( Tonight's Emmerdale )




( Spoilers for the next few weeks/speculation on the end of the Wylde murder storyline on Emmerdale )

So. That is my Emmerdale and Coronation Street news, basically.

I went to Scarborough yesterday for the day with my parents and youngest nephew. ( Scarborough )I love Scarborough. Like, properly. I've probably said.

I've not posted since the last time I went to the seaside, I think. I had a pretty busy couple of weeks, the week that we got back we ended up having my 2 nephews (mostly separately) four times, instead of the usual two, mostly because it was the school holidays and my mum thought it would be good for them to get out of the house a bit. Also, I had said that I would get my bedroom tidied up since bringing all my stuff from Nottingham, finally, before the end of August, so it wouldn't be over six months since I moved in and still not done, and I really did want to do it. However, I largely didn't and also didn't count on having my nephews over four times instead of two, which sort of left me making a big effort last Tuesday. And I actually managed to get quite a bit done, it didn't take long, but I got a lot of stuff put out instead of sitting on the floor, and I'm pretty clear about what I need to do now to get it pretty much finished off. Um, except for the magazines, and the big box of I think magazines that I found in the wardrobe, and the drawer and big bags of magazine cuttings and pictures I should at least go through. But pretty much done. However, that was Tuesday, I think. Then I went to Leeds with mum on Wednesday, I did a bit more on Thursday, then I slept in and we had my oldest nephew again on Friday. And then I decided to give myself a rest on Saturday and Sunday, because I was starting a college course in Wakefield on Monday. And yes, I'm going to college, sort of. It's only on a Monday for four weeks, and I don't have to take notes or have a test at the end or anything, but it's interesting, and possibly worth doing if I want to get into the NHS or anything. So yes, that was Monday. Then Tuesday was Scarborough. Today I had a Jobcentre appointment, and now I'm here, making this post.

I keep meaning to post and talk about films and TV I have seen, but then I can't remember what I've seen, and it's hard when I have problems with things I've seen, or NOTHING OF VALUE TO SAY, except 'oh I love Lucy Punch' (which I do), so then I mostly give up. I was going to talk about my current love of children's nursery rhymes, having listened on the way to Devon and on the way back, and when we were going to Scarborough yesterday, to the CD my dad bought last year of them. He bought two actually, and one is slightly odd and is just weird new versions of nursery rhymes, trying to make them kind of modern and funky and is WEIRD. But the other is a mix of traditional nursery rhymes, new songs they seem to have made up themselves, and folk songs, and is sung by either a man and/or a woman with quite good voices, or a children's choir. A CHOIR. SINGING NURSERY RHYMES. They have things like Molly Malone and The Leaving of Liverpool on there, which always makes me think of cakesy, because I know it would totally be the leaving of Liverpool that grieved her. And it's just really lovely. Also at one point you were going to get a post about THINGS I HATE, including the current Strongbow adverts and people who post fic in communities and in the summary space, instead of putting a summary just put a link to a prompt on a Kink Meme, when IF THEY HAD TO GO TO THAT PAGE TO COPY AND PASTE THE LINK THEY COULD HAVE COPIED AND PASTED THE ACTUAL PROMPT AS WELL, SURELY, SURELY, SO PEOPLE DIDN'T HAVE TO FOLLOW A LINK TO FIND OUT WHAT A FIC WAS ABOUT AND THEN THAT EITHER BE A WASTE OF TIME IF THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE SOUND OF IT OR HAVE TO COME BACK AND FOLLOW ANOTHER LINK TO GET TO THE FIC, SURELY, OH MY GOD. But I thought that, on it's own, might be a bit negative.

My other big news is that last week, I think, my mother got a letter from HM Revenue and Customs, saying that she accidentally owed them £1,800, and they would have to take it out of her future tax, which is not very pleasant for her. But today, I got a letter from HM Revenue and Customs saying that I'd overpaid tax to them, and in a separate letter there was a cheque for £327 for me. Which was quite a bit lovelier.

Things I could do with this money:

• Put it into my ISA to make up for some of the savings I spent.


• Pretty much pay off my overdraft with it.


• Keep it and spend on some of the things that are coming up that I wanted to do, like Connotations, and going to see Tony Gordon in pantomime in Nottingham at Christmas, and for Christmas, as well.

Given that I have basically been hoping and planning to do those things for a while, it's probably going to be the third one. An alternative option would be to put it on one side, or into one of my accounts and keep a note of it, and save up as well and use it to pay for one of the (expensive) pieces of art I have been genuinely thinking about saving up for, for a while. But given my low income, I'm probably better off doing the third one, just at the moment, I think.

My other news: I love Nathan Wylde. And Lyndon Ogbourne. I love Nathan Wylde-Lyndon Ogbourne. I missed a bunch of Emmerdale while I was on holiday in Devon, and then most of the week after that, but I have been watching it lately and oh God. I worried for a bit that the writers were going to have Nathan become properly evil, or properly psycho, and he's kind of being a prat, but also INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL. At the moment, an increasing number of people - including Nathan's sister - are convinced that Nathan's half-brother Ryan is innocent of killing their dad (he is), that Nathan was involved in setting Ryan up (he was), and that Nathan is the one who killed their dad and his mum Natasha knows but is covering up for him (it's the exact opposite). I just managed to see last night's episode today, and HE LOVES HIS SISTER SO MUCH, AND SHE WAS LIKE 'I HATE YOU, YOU'RE EVIL, JUST ADMIT YOU KILLED OUR DAD', AND HE JUST STARTED TO CRY AND THEN BEGGED HIS MUM TO 'TELL HER I DIDN'T DO IT'. OH GOD. And he is not entirely the best actor ever, but he is PLENTY GOOD, PERFECTLY GOOD SOMETIMES.

And another person who suspects Nathan (and sort of Natasha) is Natasha's new boyfriend and business partner Declan, and Nathan hates Declan, and I slash them quite a lot. And today in one of the new soap mags Lyndon Ogbourne (who plays Nathan) said that the reason why Nathan hates him so much is because '"Nathan never got the chance to have it out with his father about what he'd done to the family"' (lying about having another wife, another life before he met Nathan's mum, a different name and stuff). '"He's been left with all this pent-up emotion, and his anger at [dad] Mark is being geared towards Declan. He just takes it out on whoever gets in his way."' AND OH MY GOD. DADDY ISSUES. ALMOST CANONICAL. AND MASSIVE. OH MY GOD. ON THE FLOOR IN A PUDDLE, PRETTY MUCH.

My bedroom is still not tidy. BUT, I have organised the big massive pile into SMALLER, SEPARATE PILES. And might be able to start putting some of the things in it up any day now, tomorrow maybe. Also, I thought I might have lost something else, a set of pairs of earrings I just in the last few weeks bought from Claire's Accessories. But then I figured out where they might have ended up falling into, checked it, and found them. Hurrah! The Chesnut Soldier and the 6 or so books of Fables, I still haven't managed to find.

Other things I have been doing:

1. I went to see Eclipse, film 3 of the Twilight Saga. ( Possible spoilers )



2. I caught up on Teen Girl Squad. I LOVE TEEN GIRL SQUAD. I LOVE THEM A WHOLE LOT.



3. ( Emmerdale )