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May. 23rd, 2011 10:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlofpreySo. My terrible week has begun. I'm not feeling too great about it. I went to the doctor's today and got my sick note and everything, so that was fine, but I didn't get much sleep last night, and I don't think I'll be getting much tonight. Actually today didn't go entirely smoothly, but it went alright, and it's tomorrow that I'm really worrying about. I don't think I had it the right way around when I was talking about this week's appointments last week, but tomorrow is my Disability benefit assessment. And it's the thing that I'm looking forward to least, so hopefully when it's over things will be better. But at the moment, it's tomorrow, and I'm worrying quite a bit about it.
I don't know. I've heard a bunch of horror stories online about the current disability system, and about people with proper physical conditions which stop them from working being pronounced fit for work. So I'm sort of not really expecting to get it, or trying to make myself not expect to get it, so it's not too huge a let-down, or so I don't blame myself too much. On the other hand, I do want to try my best to get it. All of my counsellors and the services I'm talking to at the moment have told me to explain what the worst case scenario with my symptoms is, or what my condition's like when it's at it's worst. But at the moment I can't even really think of that. I know things are bad, but they're not really as bad as they were when I was living on my own, in terms of affecting my ability to actually do stuff. But then again, I'm doing a lot less now than I did when I was living on my own. I don't know. I don't want to accidentally make out that it's better than it is, but I don't want to lie either. And I don't know what they'll want to hear that would convince them I'm not fit to work, or not feeling well enough to work right now. Not just so I can say it, whether it's true or not, but there might be plenty of stuff that they find important which I might not say because I don't think it's relevant, or I forget. But then again, I don't even know if it'll be about me making a big speech and laying out everything I have to say about how I'm feeling, or if it'll be more about them and the questions they're asking. I don't know.
I just wish it was over. Except that I don't, because I do want some time to sleep and to prepare. Except that I do, because I'm not sure I'm actually going to sleep or prepare. But it will be over by tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be feeling better by then. I'm getting a bit worked up and am pretty sure I'm acting weird. Also I've just eaten an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's knock-off ice-cream. So yeah. Anyway. It's not till tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully if I get some sleep tonight I'll feel better, and at least by tomorrow it'll be over I guess.
It's just come at a really funny time, as well. Obviously having it in the middle of a week which is unusually full of appointments for me is not ideal. And we've been having some issues at home lately. Nothing major - last week me, mum, my youngest nephew and the dog went for a walk, and our fairly old (he's 12) dog had an unfortunate incident of falling into a little ditch by the path and not being able to get back up again. I had to get down in the ditch with him, free his foot from some grass and pick him up until he could get his legs underneath him. And then he was eating grass and he was a bit sick for the next few days, not getting up from his bed very much and not eating his food. He's better now though. But also, our fridge is broken, and has been since last week as well, and mum's sort of freaking out not knowing what to buy, and not wanting to fill the freezer because she has to defrost the freezer for 24 hours before the repairmen come out to fix the fridge, and we don't know when that's going to be. So we're keeping everything we can in a mini-fridge in the garage, and in coolbags, and coolbags don't keep things as well as a fridge obviously, so I'm worrying about things going off. And our cat - who pretty strictly normally just kills birds and leaves them outside the garage for us - apparently killed a rat the other night and left it outside, so mum was worried rats might be being drawn in by the food in the garage. And we don't know what we're eating any day really, because we can't put stuff in the fridge and keep it, and the stuff we do have might have gone off by the time we get around to eating it. So yeah. It's kind of tense at home, unfortunately.
Anyway. I did mostly want to come on and talk about things that make me happy, rather than impending disability assessments. Mostly I wanted to talk about Coronation Street.
For a moment in the first episode, Tracy was just mad, and insisted to Steve that she'd never raised her voice to Amy, when she'd told shouted at her through a locked door, then threatened her with GHOSTS, then said she 'had enough of this' and stormed off. And I felt like if they really did just make her mental, and a hypocrite, in a way that no-one really took notice of or cared about, then maybe I could actually bear her. But no. We were back to usual before too long.
Similarly, I was almost amused with John Stape when he had to keep on making up stories, and told that woman his name was "John - Collins". But he was back to irritating me again, after irritating me in the first place, pretty soon after that. I hate how he lies to Fiz. I hate how he clearly just thinks of himself, and not even her, or his daughter. Much less Chesney, or Katy, or anyone else. I want him to go away really soon, but I get the feeling from what I've heard that they might be stringing this out even longer, if they can. Oh god.
Actually, Owen wasn't too bad for one scene, while he was talking to Anna. It was like most of the characters I hate had a sudden brief reprieve tonight. Although, like I say, not for long.
But anyway, who cares, because then there was the main event: BECKY AND DAVID. Becky said of David "that boy is weird", and it was so much like on Emmerdale when Declan was thinking and talking about Nathan sort of suspiciously and urgently, and then suddenly said "He's a weird kid, isn't he?", which at the time was like one of the best things I'd ever heard. Oh. At least they've settled it now into David actually caring about Max and kind of wanting to be a dad to him, and Becky just knowing more than he does about the situation, and wanting to keep Max and also, really, keep him away from Kylie. It's kind of great though, because even though they're at loggerheads and arguing, it's still just kind of great to have David and Becky have scenes and a storyline together. And it sort of shows how little they know about each other as well. With Becky not able to understand why David would want to play happy families, when I think David would really like having a kid around. He is pretty family-orientated, and he was pretty upset when he found out that Tina had had an abortion. And with David thinking Becky is just keeping Max away from Kylie and bullying her, and being the reason why she and Steve can't adopt. Which is pretty obviously not the case. Also, because BECKY IS AMAZING. I would really like to see Becky and David team up. Sadly, I don't think that's actually going to happen. Irritatingly.
I have a bunch of other things I want to post about, have been meaning to post about since last week really, but I don't really have the focus or the energy at the moment. And there's probably better things I could be doing with my time. It'll be okay, I think. I'm just not feeling too great at the moment. But it'll be over by tomorrow, I guess. Chances are I'm rattling myself more than I need to be, especially since I've been pushing myself to catch up with soaps and stuff over the weekend. Which was nice, but still. Anyway. It might not even be as bad tomorrow as I'm thinking. Which I would prefer, obviously.
I don't know. I've heard a bunch of horror stories online about the current disability system, and about people with proper physical conditions which stop them from working being pronounced fit for work. So I'm sort of not really expecting to get it, or trying to make myself not expect to get it, so it's not too huge a let-down, or so I don't blame myself too much. On the other hand, I do want to try my best to get it. All of my counsellors and the services I'm talking to at the moment have told me to explain what the worst case scenario with my symptoms is, or what my condition's like when it's at it's worst. But at the moment I can't even really think of that. I know things are bad, but they're not really as bad as they were when I was living on my own, in terms of affecting my ability to actually do stuff. But then again, I'm doing a lot less now than I did when I was living on my own. I don't know. I don't want to accidentally make out that it's better than it is, but I don't want to lie either. And I don't know what they'll want to hear that would convince them I'm not fit to work, or not feeling well enough to work right now. Not just so I can say it, whether it's true or not, but there might be plenty of stuff that they find important which I might not say because I don't think it's relevant, or I forget. But then again, I don't even know if it'll be about me making a big speech and laying out everything I have to say about how I'm feeling, or if it'll be more about them and the questions they're asking. I don't know.
I just wish it was over. Except that I don't, because I do want some time to sleep and to prepare. Except that I do, because I'm not sure I'm actually going to sleep or prepare. But it will be over by tomorrow, and hopefully I'll be feeling better by then. I'm getting a bit worked up and am pretty sure I'm acting weird. Also I've just eaten an entire tub of Ben and Jerry's knock-off ice-cream. So yeah. Anyway. It's not till tomorrow afternoon. Hopefully if I get some sleep tonight I'll feel better, and at least by tomorrow it'll be over I guess.
It's just come at a really funny time, as well. Obviously having it in the middle of a week which is unusually full of appointments for me is not ideal. And we've been having some issues at home lately. Nothing major - last week me, mum, my youngest nephew and the dog went for a walk, and our fairly old (he's 12) dog had an unfortunate incident of falling into a little ditch by the path and not being able to get back up again. I had to get down in the ditch with him, free his foot from some grass and pick him up until he could get his legs underneath him. And then he was eating grass and he was a bit sick for the next few days, not getting up from his bed very much and not eating his food. He's better now though. But also, our fridge is broken, and has been since last week as well, and mum's sort of freaking out not knowing what to buy, and not wanting to fill the freezer because she has to defrost the freezer for 24 hours before the repairmen come out to fix the fridge, and we don't know when that's going to be. So we're keeping everything we can in a mini-fridge in the garage, and in coolbags, and coolbags don't keep things as well as a fridge obviously, so I'm worrying about things going off. And our cat - who pretty strictly normally just kills birds and leaves them outside the garage for us - apparently killed a rat the other night and left it outside, so mum was worried rats might be being drawn in by the food in the garage. And we don't know what we're eating any day really, because we can't put stuff in the fridge and keep it, and the stuff we do have might have gone off by the time we get around to eating it. So yeah. It's kind of tense at home, unfortunately.
Anyway. I did mostly want to come on and talk about things that make me happy, rather than impending disability assessments. Mostly I wanted to talk about Coronation Street.
For a moment in the first episode, Tracy was just mad, and insisted to Steve that she'd never raised her voice to Amy, when she'd told shouted at her through a locked door, then threatened her with GHOSTS, then said she 'had enough of this' and stormed off. And I felt like if they really did just make her mental, and a hypocrite, in a way that no-one really took notice of or cared about, then maybe I could actually bear her. But no. We were back to usual before too long.
Similarly, I was almost amused with John Stape when he had to keep on making up stories, and told that woman his name was "John - Collins". But he was back to irritating me again, after irritating me in the first place, pretty soon after that. I hate how he lies to Fiz. I hate how he clearly just thinks of himself, and not even her, or his daughter. Much less Chesney, or Katy, or anyone else. I want him to go away really soon, but I get the feeling from what I've heard that they might be stringing this out even longer, if they can. Oh god.
Actually, Owen wasn't too bad for one scene, while he was talking to Anna. It was like most of the characters I hate had a sudden brief reprieve tonight. Although, like I say, not for long.
But anyway, who cares, because then there was the main event: BECKY AND DAVID. Becky said of David "that boy is weird", and it was so much like on Emmerdale when Declan was thinking and talking about Nathan sort of suspiciously and urgently, and then suddenly said "He's a weird kid, isn't he?", which at the time was like one of the best things I'd ever heard. Oh. At least they've settled it now into David actually caring about Max and kind of wanting to be a dad to him, and Becky just knowing more than he does about the situation, and wanting to keep Max and also, really, keep him away from Kylie. It's kind of great though, because even though they're at loggerheads and arguing, it's still just kind of great to have David and Becky have scenes and a storyline together. And it sort of shows how little they know about each other as well. With Becky not able to understand why David would want to play happy families, when I think David would really like having a kid around. He is pretty family-orientated, and he was pretty upset when he found out that Tina had had an abortion. And with David thinking Becky is just keeping Max away from Kylie and bullying her, and being the reason why she and Steve can't adopt. Which is pretty obviously not the case. Also, because BECKY IS AMAZING. I would really like to see Becky and David team up. Sadly, I don't think that's actually going to happen. Irritatingly.
I have a bunch of other things I want to post about, have been meaning to post about since last week really, but I don't really have the focus or the energy at the moment. And there's probably better things I could be doing with my time. It'll be okay, I think. I'm just not feeling too great at the moment. But it'll be over by tomorrow, I guess. Chances are I'm rattling myself more than I need to be, especially since I've been pushing myself to catch up with soaps and stuff over the weekend. Which was nice, but still. Anyway. It might not even be as bad tomorrow as I'm thinking. Which I would prefer, obviously.
