girlofprey: (Futurama Mauled By Jesus)
Oh my God, I forgot. I forgot that when you have a cold and then it gets better, it doesn't actually get better, it just moves further down your throat. I spent most of last night not being able to sleep or breathe. Technically I spent most of today not being able to sleep (or breathe) either. Ughhhhh....

I finished most of the Deep Roads main quest on Dragon Age: Origins today. Spoilers, sort of )

My appeal hearing is next week. A week tomorrow, in fact. I called an ESA assistance charity earlier this week to see if they had any tips for me, and they suggested trying to get medical evidence. I have no idea what medical evidence I can really get, since I hardly ever see my doctor about my OCD, even for a medical note, and my counselling wasn't through the NHS. I have called my counselling service, to see if my old counsellor would write me a letter, only to be told that the receptionist 'didn't know of anyone there by that name' (??), but that someone could write me a letter just generally on behalf of the service. They said that person would call me back on Tuesday, but they didn't, so I called again yesterday, and they told me that that person - the only one who apparently has the authority to write this letter - was training this week, but might be back tomorrow. If they do call tomorrow, I'm not entirely sure what to say. If they're not my counsellor and can't talk to her they won't know about my problems, specifically, and I don't know if she kept notes, she never mentioned it. And the charity people said it would be better if the medical evidence could specifically address the questions they ask in the ESA assessment, and whether I would be able to manage with those problems. Which seems like a complicated thing to have to write with no personal knowledge of me, before next Friday. But there we go. I can't think of anything else to do other than to ask my GP to give a general run-down of OCD. And the doctor on the panel ought to know enough about that.

Partly it's my own fault, I know, for leaving it this late. I guess I thought I'd have more time between getting the court date and having to attend it. But I had months before that, and I left it. The charity people did say that I could ask the Tribunal to adjourn until I had more medical evidence, if I didn't know I was supposed to have it, but they do ask you to get any medical evidence you need in the tribunal papers. And I don't know if I could go to the court next week not knowing whether we were actually going to have the Tribunal, or adjourn it. So I don't know. I don't know how much of an option that is. I guess it depends what response I get from the counselling service and/or my GP, and how long it would take to get evidence from them. The charity people also said that the government keeps changing the parameters for being eligible for benefits, so someone who got them last year might not get them this year. So. There's that.

Blah blah blah blah blah. I'm so tired. And so ill. :(

At least if I don't get ESA awarded to me next week, I have enough money in the bank and in an ISA to be able to cope for a few weeks while I decide what to do next, and what I want to do. I don't really want to have to go back at Jobseeker's. Particularly not if they really are making some people be slave labour. But I might have to.
girlofprey: (Heroes Sylar Go Swallow a Knife)
Cut for stress, benefits, sick notes )

So yes. I had a GREAT day.
girlofprey: (Default)
Do you remember my plan? My wonderful plan yesterday, for how I was going to get my sick note and it was all going to be great? The plan in detail was to go into town today, get the sick note from my doctor, go to the library and photocopy it and my latest bank statement so I have copies of each, then send them both off today and tomorrow.

Well, when I went into town today, my doctor's surgery was closed all afternoon. And I can go pick it up tomorrow, but the library will be closed, so I can't get it photocopied there. And the last time I wanted to photocopy something when the library was closed, no-one seemed to know anywhere else in town where you could go get something photocopied. I can't go on Friday, because I'm volunteering all day, so I will be far from town and any photocopiers. And on Saturday, I will probably be too tired from being out all day on Friday. So it's now looking like the earliest I can definitely send it off is Monday.

I'm going to ask at my doctor's tomorrow if they can photocopy it for me. They have a whole office behind reception, so they must have a photocopier. I will even give them 20p for costs or whatever if they need it. And if they can't do that, I'll ask my dad if he can figure out how to make his scanner photocopy things again - I'm pretty sure I've done that in the past when I needed something copying at the last minute. But I also remember it taking forever for him to work out how to do it. And if all else fails, I'll just have to send it out on Monday. I just feel a bit bad, since this sick note's going back over a month now, taking a long time to send it out. But it can't be helped, due to a VARIETY OF UNHELPFUL CIRCUMSTANCES. It is annoying when life suddenly throws a spanner in the works.
girlofprey: (Citizens Cope By Looting (Cloverfield m1)
I went to see my doctor's surgery yesterday about a sick note. I explained everything to the woman on the desk, and she didn't seem to think there'd be a problem with getting a continuance, over the desk, six months after my last one, backdated to 12th October. And today I got a text saying it was ready to pick up. Hurrah!

Also, the DWP wrote to me again telling me they still hadn't gotten my sick note. Which is nice, because with those letters they also send a prepaid envelope, and a cover letter with the right address on. The only problem is that I really think I should inform them about my grandmother dying, and the fact I don't get money from her anymore, because they're still taking what she used to give me off my benefit payments as 'income'. Obviously I'm entitled to the money, and I'm not even really expecting them to backpay me anymore. I just hope telling them 5 months after she died doesn't cause any problems through not being 'prompt' enough. It was sort of stupid though. I had to wait a month for a bank statement to prove I wasn't receiving it anymore, then write a letter about the fact she'd died, how much money she'd been giving me, why, what it was for, how regularly she'd been giving it to me. I had to wait for the bank statement, and then I put it off, and then I kept forgetting about it. But I should probably tell them now. I can get a copy of my latest bank statement tomorrow when I go to town, to prove I'm still not receiving it, and pick up my sick note, and then send it off tomorrow or Thursday.

I'm still loving Borderlands. My annoyances about the only female character you can play have sort of gone away (mostly) while playing the single-player storyline, because I am just killing everyone, single-handed. I mean, I keep dying and having to be revived by New-U Stations. But apparently that's just a feature of technology in this world, so I think it still counts. And they've started putting in female secondary characters, who are actually physical people you can speak to. Hurrah. The infinite gun generation machine is sort of giving me a headache though. I mean, do I pick a sniper rifle with high damage that has a slight chance of making my enemies explode, or a sniper rifle with lower damage that has a very good chance of making my enemies explode? MY PAIN IS ENDLESS.

Also, I have decided to try to finish Silent Hill: Downpour again. I stopped playing a while back because - essentially, there's a fantastic system games sometimes use nowadays where your weapons degrade. This is sort of realistic, and can work pretty well in some games, and heighten tension. It can also be fucking annoying. Silent Hill: Downpour has this system. If you pick up a melee weapon and use it a couple of times, it starts doing less damage. Eventually, a fire axe can do less damage than a wooden stick, because it has degraded so badly. But, you know, I was okay with it. There were always plenty of melee weapons around, and it was realistic, and I figured I'd only need to put up with it till I got the guns. Then I got the shotgun. Then I ran out of shotgun ammo. Then I started using the shotgun as a melee weapon until I found some more ammo, since the only other option was dropping it. And then the shotgun broke. And then I ragequit. But I do sort of want to finish it, and see the end of the story. So I figured I'd give it another try. We'll see if I remember ANY OF THE BUTTONS, or fail horribly.

In film news:

  • A heist movie, starring Cameron Diaz, and Alan Rickman, and Colin Firth? Out tomorrow? That'd be a yes.


  • I've been wanting to see Wreck-It Ralph for a few months, since I first heard about it on Tumblr. So it seems kind of annoying that I now have to avoid posts about it on Tumblr so I don't get spoiled, because it's out in America 3 months before it's released here. I THOUGHT THESE DAYS WERE OVER.

ETA: Also, if anyone is interested or morbidly curious, Christopher Maloney's eyes of death are here. You might have to wait a minute, though. I just. It really brings 'bright eyes' to life, that's all I can say.
girlofprey: (Default)
I just wrote out my appeal form. They give you the tiniest space to write your reasons why you don't agree with their decision. Which is largely how I felt about the assessment form - although apparently I was some good at filling that in this time. Maybe I just feel like I have A LOT OF REASONS to give them. But I think I got at least some relevant points through, and it's completed now at least. Now I just need to send it out so it will get to Barnsley before Monday. Sigh.

I also caught up with Dallas yesterday, and then watched the final episode. Dallas )

The new series apparently begins in America in January. So obviously I either need to get downloading, or really enjoy these few months of being all caught up before I lose them again.

We also had the American election this week. I am happy and genuinely a little bit amazed that Obama won. As well as all the 'shenanigans' I'd been hearing about, things sort of came to a head on Tuesday night when I started seeing posts on Tumblr about how people were taking pictures of their pro-Obama ballots and posting them online because they were so excited, but that they shouldn't do that, because they could be arrested and have their votes annulled. I was ready to give up, get ready for Romney to win, and be all "2012, End Of Days". But then Obama won. And apparently it wasn't even close. So hurrah.

I also finished Portal, and bought Portal 2. I liked the song at the end. A LOT. And while I was looking for Portal 2 (in vain) in my home town, I found out that the little games shop I used to see when I was a teenager was still open, and both stocking and selling Bioshock action figures! It was a good day all around.

And we had my YN over at my house today. He is sweet, and can pull himself up on furniture, and make lots of noises now. And point. At one point he looked up at one of our houseplants, pointed at it and went "Aaah!", and then went back to playing with his cars. He plays with cars by pushing them along and going "aaaaaaah" or "grrrrrrrrr". He is lovely. I also learned that my mum thinks he's "weird". Which, in fairness, is something I would expect a sitcom granny to say about their baby grandchild, so at least we're living up to the stereotype, thanks mum.

And I saw a bit of Emmerdale today with Declan in it, and it gave me Declan/Nathan feelings. Sigh.

And I had a dentist appointment today, which went quite well, with quite a lovely new lady dentist. It was her first day apparently. She didn't make any mistakes which could only be covered up by saying "It's my first day!". Yay. And we had Bonfire Night, which means we're now in the period of time I officially recognise as Pre-Christmas. Argh. And...something. I'm on my period, and I'm really tired. Oh, and I attempted to buy trousers from H&M, and I found out that of all the weird sizing issues there are from shop to shop, H&M might just take the cake for 'obviously a lot smaller than the number would imply'. And yet I also tried a jumper from there, and the Large was too big for me so I had to get a Medium. Weird.
girlofprey: (Default)
And then I finished Bioshock 2. Which was also good, but...sort of unsatisfactory too. I don't know. I don't think I like karma systems in games. I mean, it's interesting, and it means you have more choice and it adds to replay value, obviously. But I just think at the moment the way games are set up it just messes with the writing - because in almost every one I've played with a karma system, the karma things you do - which WOULD be a big deal, and worth mentioning between well-written characters with well-written relationships - just don't get mentioned until the end, or mentioned in a barely passing way at the end of each quest. In Dishonoured you regularly just got a note from someone, even someone you shared housing with, if you did something nice, and a bit of extra gold. And in both Dishonoured and Bioshock 2, you got sidequests and extra characters who showed up and seemed important for karma choices, and then just never showed up again - because the writers couldn't include them in the later plot in case you'd killed them or let them die. Bioshock 2 probably did the karma thing better than most games, because from the things that got said I'm guessing a lot of the ending was different depending on which choices you'd made. But the main place I saw it done well really was in Fallout 3. Which is a role-playing game, where the point is that you get to choose who your character is, and you don't tend to have lots of involved converstations with the same characters. I don't know, I just feel like a lot of games are swinging towards that role-playing element so players feel more like they're playing the kind of character they want to play, rather than having specific, well-defined characters the players have to play, which is also a pretty good way to write (and play) videogames.

Also, in Bioshock 2 and Dishonoured, I have just played two games where the main character was male, and the main NPC female character was either a child or very much in a child position, whose personalities were massively influenced or completely defined by the choices their fathers/father figures made. Which was nice.

Anyway. I am kind of in a video game limbo state at the moment. I don't really know what to do with myself. My head says buy more video games. Or finish some of the ones I've already started. I started playing the first Portal game today. And, as far as I can tell, have nearly finished it. It is wicked. I can probably pick the second one up sometime this week if I finish it. Which will probably help with the limbo state thing. Also I kind of really want to play this game. Even though it looks disturbing as fuck. Maybe BECAUSE it looks disturbing as fuck.

Of course, a different part of my brain says maybe I should use this time to do some of the other things I kind of need to do. While I was on holiday the disability advisor woman from the Jobcentre called and asked me to call her back as soon as possible, which meant calling from Crete to basically say I couldn't talk to her. I tried calling back last week, and they said she was away, but had scheduled a telephone interview with me tomorrow at 11:10am. So that's happening tomorrow. I have no idea what she's going to say - it might be very short if I just have to tell her I've been kicked off ESA and am appealing, and she can't offer me any services in the meantime. I don't remember them calling me in or giving me a disability advisor the last time I appealed. So we'll see, I guess.

Also I need to fill in my appeal form. I need to fill it in and possibly have it back to them by next Monday. But I don't really know what to say. EVERYTHING'S WRONG, EXCEPT I'M A LITTLE BETTER THAN LAST YEAR, EXCEPT I DON'T THINK I'M READY TO WORK YET. Really. For some reason I've gotten stuck on the idea that they might not pay me if my form isn't good enough or convincing enough, which is probably not true, but still. And I can't really remember what I put on my last appeal form. Hmm.

Also it's my dad's birthday tomorrow. Also I need to organise that volunteering I've been meaning to do, and had to not go to in October. Also I need to catch up on Dallas. Since I'm pretty sure it's the last episode this week. And I have an appointment with my employment coach and with the dentist this week. It's a pretty full week really, all told.
girlofprey: (Ice Cream Strawberries)
I'm going away tomorrow. I'm sure you will all miss my MAD POSTING SKILLS, but yes, if I'm not around, that's why. We have to get up at about 5am tomorrow to fly from Manchester at 9.30, so I probably won't have a chance to post again before I go. Also I haven't packed. Also I need to have a bath and wash my hair. So yes.

I had only a mild panic over the past couple of weeks, when I tried on one of my dresses and it was really tight, and I became convinced nothing would fit me and I didn't have time to get more with everything else going on, and I would have NOTHING TO WEAR NOTHING, I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO LEAVE THE HOTEL. But it was shortly before my period that I tried on that dress, and all my other stuff that's the same size still fits me, and I tried all my old stuff on last night - including the dress - and it all pretty much still fit, or was doable. The holiday we're going on is All Inclusive though, so I get the feeling it might be an idea to wear the tighter stuff early on in the holiday, before we all balloon up slightly.

So yes. I'm going away. The hardest thing to contemplate, which I only properly realised a few days ago, was that I wouldn't be able to play my computer games for a week, and keep up my steady progression through the story. I plan to distract myself with Crete. And when I get back, maybe those two people on the Fallout kinkmeme who promised and sort-of-promised to write me fills will have written them. MAYBE THAT.

Also I managed to make calls to both my counselling service, who wrote to me last week implying I'd missed an appointment even though I hadn't heard about one, and offering me further appointments on Mondays, to tell them I won't be able to make that for the next three weeks, due to packing, holiday, and my dad's birthday; and to the Jobcentre to ask for an appeal form. The Jobcentre call went about as smoothly as expected, they asked for a pin I remember making up a few months ago, and not using since. But I managed to make it through the rest of the security questions. The woman sounded suprised that the form I needed wasn't in the letters I got saying I'd failed the assessment, but I remember having to go for some kind of form at some point last year, so I honestly can't remember if that's how it always was or if it's a new stumbling block they've put in the way of people trying to claim benefits. In any case, the woman who's actually offering me counselling is supposed to be calling back tonight, and the woman at the Jobcentre is supposed to be sending me out an appeal form, so that should be here when I get back from holiday. Hurrah.

The day I get back will be the day before Halloween. I will have one or one-half a day to prepare for one of my favourite holidays. And then it will be November. Eek.
girlofprey: (Default)
I won my appeal.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It was not as bad as I was expecting it to be, the doctor and the judge were both really nice. They did focus on the questions in the DWP assessment, but also asked general questions to see if they could make my general problems "fit into the law". Which they did. I sort of only just got through - you need 15 points to qualify, and I got 15 points. And there is a bit on the documents they gave me saying that the Tribunal doesn't really have any legal power, and that the DWP can appeal the decision and suspend my payments if they want to. Which my mum and I are both quietly worrying about. But I'm assuming that's just something that's possible, that they have to put on there, and which isn't usually the case.

And I got my ESA. All my crying this weekend has not been in vain!
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