girlofprey

I got my letter from the Jobcentre today, explaining why they'd stopped my ESA.

( Cut for...reasons )

And then on Emmerdale they ( Emmerdale spoilers ). Which I was expecting, since it was the 40th anniversary episode and they made a big deal about how someone was going to die, and it would be someone who was involved in 5 different storylines, which he was, and he's been acting like enough of a dick lately. But still. I didn't actually see most of the episode, I just caught the end, and I'd like to watch it just to see some of the scenes that came before it. But he's been on a downward spiral for months or years now, and even I was starting to lose interest in him. But still. End of an era. And it's making me think back to those early years when I really really loved him. Well. At least my OTP are both on the same side of the afterlife now, I guess.

I just went to look for something on Youtube, and oh my God it's hideous. Well done on continuously changing it and never making it any better, Google.

On the plus side, John Ross from Dallas is pretty, and I love Bioshock 2 and Dishonoured. I've gotten used to the not-killing-anyone thing now. Although still not to the fact that when I change games, the controls are almost completely the opposite.

I'm really enjoying Fallout 3, but I'm getting a little sick of all the "your father is in another empty shell of a building!" gameplay. Maybe I could just find my father, and help him with whatever he's doing. Maybe that. Because it seems a little unrealistic for my character that she would hang out exploring places and doing big sidequests when she'd really want to be looking for him, and doesn't know if he's dead or anything. And that is what I'd like to do. In Morrowind, the first part of the main quest gives you a chance to go out, build a bit of a life, do some quests and build up your skills before you get started. Just one of the ways that Morrowind is best.

Also I'm still playing Silent Hill: Downpour, and I've managed to make some progress. Which is nice because - in contrast to Fallout 3 - the whole running aimlessly around town waiting for stuff to happen portion of events was getting kind of dull. But no, it turns out I'm just an idiot who doesn't notice things. I'm enjoying Silent Hill: Downpour, but I question their choice of having a black character in it called Howard Blackwood. And the way they may well be going for the 'disabled people are weird and terrifying' trope. They probably shouldn't do that. Also, if they're going to have their main character react to stuff happening around him, they should probably have him do it when it's appropriate. Rather than after something has already happened two or three times.

In soap news:

• I don't care about Emmerdale if they're just going to have their stupid Laurel/Marlon storyline and their stupid Chas storyline, I don't care.



• I hate Leanne in Coronation Street, and am glad she ended the episode on Monday crying about what a bitch she is.



• I don't want to alarm anyone and I don't want to spoiler anyone, but I think it's only fair warning to say that the Sky TV guide is suggesting there's going to be at least one scene in Friday's episode that will have Tracy AND Leanne together in it.



• I'm trying desperately to think of people in Coronation Street that I love at the moment, and I'm not really coming up with anything. Norris and Mary and Roy and Hayley, obviously. And David, but they're not really letting him be onscreen at the moment. Emmerdale is easy, because Val. But I don't care much for Emmerdale right now.

People started putting up the first episode of The Secret Circle earlier this week. This is difficult, because I'm currently downloading NTSF: SD: SUV and Death Valley every week, and in some ways it's not that bad, because NTSF: SD: SUV episodes are only 10 minutes long so they're only about 100MB, and Death Valley episodes are only half an hour long, but it still all adds up. And I don't know if downloading another whole episode a week is something our download limit can take - I don't even know what our download limit is. My dad has apparently increased it and changed internet providers since the days when I used it up watching videos on 4od and Youtube, so I don't even know if we have a download limit, or if we just have to pay more if we go over it or something. Which is a little frustrating.

The annoying thing is that I was really deliberately not downloading things, because I knew there were three shows I wanted to try out and possibly watch regularly in the autumn, and even that seemed like a stretch. But I decided to start watching NTSF and Death Valley to sort of get into the habit of downloading again, to sort of test out the download limit a bit, and because they looked like they might be funny/have good actors in. And I think somewhere in my head I was thinking, "oh, they're just little comedy shows, they probably won't last very long, and be over by the time the other shows start". I think because I have forgotten how American TV works. Hmph.

But in any case, it turns out the episode of The Secret Circle that's about at the moment is a pre-air pilot, so it looks like the show's not really started yet. So I have another few weeks to decide what to do about my downloading habits. Woo hoo!

In other news, the soaps are kind of shit at the moment. Eastenders have apparently managed to cock-up the only plot I am interested in, by - as far as I can tell - having Michael doing everything he's doing not because he's fucked up about his mum killing himself when he was six and wanting revenge on his dad for it, but just because he wants his dad to pay some attention to him. This is apparently worth ruining his dad's life, risking his brother's life, and bullying a woman into helping him ruin his dad's life over. And, mysteriously, apparently a reasoning that the people on Digital Spy find much more understandable and sympathetic than merely still being messed up over his mum. So, well done there Eastenders. In Emmerdale I can barely care about the storylines from one day to the next, I do not care about Jai and Charity, or Declan being a dick, or the never-ending plot of Watching. Aaron. Be. Sad. Never. Be. Gay. Or. You'll. Just. Be. Sad. People. Sometimes Nicola's in it, or Val, and that's lovely, but oh my god the rest. And in Coronation Street, Tracy's back, and apparently they want us to start being sympathetic to her now. I never really liked Kylie that much, but I do think they've sort of ruined whatever character she did have by making her horrible but also not to blame for it all at once. And they're building up to a really horrible plot with one female character, and it's partly by having her act really weirdly and stabbing her friend in the back (again). Which is kind of rubbish.

The only soap doing anything even vaguely interesting at the moment is Hollyoaks, and that's only really if they actually step things up in their Silas plot, now that they've had something big happen because of it. There are a lot of things I am imagining about the Silas plot which make me very excited about it, but if it just goes on and on as it has been doing already then oh my god. It's apparently going to last till Christmas anyway, and there are a lot of things apparently happening up to and around then that could make it really interesting. But if they don't do them, then arggggghhhhhhhh. Also, more Seth please. Thank you.

Anyway. That's the end of my rant. I spent most of my day today avoiding flooded roads and poking around in bushes looking for the many balls my nephew managed to lose. I was also going to have a rant at one point about how annoying it is when there are people who do something you love, but then they become so successful at it, that they stop actually doing the thing you loved in the first place. My main examples were going to be the Hark! A Vagrant writer doing a book, so not doing as many comics while she was doing it, but she's finished writing it now and is back to doing comics. And besides that, it was going to be the woman who writes Welovehollyoaks.com, who first of all started going to events with the cast and started posting interviews with them, instead of her recaps (which I liked better), and THEN actually - on the strength of her blog - got a job with E4, meaning she didn't have a chance to do her blog as much as she used to. But she's got other people helping out now, and they've started putting up posts in the last few days, some of which are really good, so it's not so bad anymore. And the other one was going to be Allie Brosh, who does Hyperbole And A Half, getting a book deal, and not having done a post since then. But it turns out that that's more to do with finding doing the blog really stressful at the moment than actually having to spend a lot of time writing her book, so that doesn't really count either. So so much for that post. I do think it's lovely, by the way, when people who do good things become successful because of the things they do. And it's really nice for them, of course. It's just also sometimes slightly maddening. That's all.

Rah. In other news, last night I ended up watching parts 1 and 2 of a BBC programme about the Regency. I had actual thoughts at the time about kings and queens, and how it's kind of a rubbish system but sometimes really interesting culturally. But most of the thoughts I have been left with are that I really like Regency suits, especially on women. And that I really, really liked the soundtrack. But I get the feeling, somehow, that the BBC won't be releasing that for purchase. Hmph.

So, I sort of accidentally finished InFamous. In fairness, the last of the story missions all had names like 'End Of The Road' and 'The Truth', but when I saved my games and looked back at them they had a statistic for how much of the game you'd completed, and after the second to last mission it said I'd only completed about 80% of the game. I'm guessing that's because there's still stuff I haven't completed, and I was doing a Good playthrough, so there's a lot of evil stuff I haven't done. I don't know. But anyway, I've done it. Sadly though, I wanted to actually look at what people were saying on the internet about it, but there's a second game, and I don't want to spoiler myself for it. I sort of have anyway, looking up a couple of things, but happily I found two conflicting sets of spoilers, so I still don't know what actually happens. Unhappily though, the second game must be new out, because it costs about £40, and I just spent quite a lot of time playing the first one, so I don't really feel like diving into a new game right away. So I'm still spoilerable. But I'll just have to be strong. And get and play it eventually.

I did enjoy it though. It took a turn for the super-angsty, which was kind of a shame, because I was really enjoying playing it as just a "random guy gets superpowers, fights bad guys" sort of game. I have nothing against angsty stuff, but sometimes I do just want something straightforward and adventure-y. And it's kind of annoying when you think you're playing/watching/reading one of those, and then it turns out you aren't. It was still good though, I did enjoy it. And I'm looking forward to playing the second game at some point.

Anyway. Another thing that has happened in my less than brilliant week is that I got my appeal papers from the DWP last week, complete with an explanation of why they didn't award me ESA in the first place and 'respectfully requesting' that the judge at the tribunal confirms this decision. And this week I got a letter from the Tribunals Service saying the case had been passed to them, and sending me a form to fill in. I have to do it and send it back within 14 days or they may assume I don't want to go ahead with my appeal, but before I do that I have to decide whether or not I want to actually appear at my appeal hearing. And I don't know. Apparently, people who appear at their hearing tend to do better than people who don't. But the fact is I'm not really expecting to be awarded it anyway, so I don't know if it'll make much difference. And the idea of actually going to the hearing, and having people question me about my illness and why I think it means I can't work doesn't exactly thrill me. But it might take longer if I say I actually want to appear, rather than them just deciding it without me, which would at least mean I got ESA payments for longer. And I got another letter with the form saying that the Tribunals Service I was being referred to was very busy at the moment, and I probably wouldn't get a hearing before next February, so I'd have lots of time to prepare. But I don't know. I probably will decide to appear. I'm just not really looking forward to it, or to telling them I want to do it. But I have to send the form off within the next week or two, regardless.

Oh, and I have been watching the soaps. Apparently, Declan on Emmerdale represses his feelings about people he loves when he finds things really difficult with them. I am in no way writing this into my Nathan/Declan pairing. No. But it would be an awesome time for Nathan to come back, and for them to decide they love each other, or at least are willing to put up with each other so they can be near each other, because it seems like Declan needs SOMEONE around. And on Coronation Street, I'm still not a big fan of David and Kylie as a pairing. But the sight of David standing in the rain, waiting for his wife to let him back into the house she'd locked him out of, and casually lying to her in order to get back in so he can explain things to her, was certainly very very welcome. I'm still finding it hard to like Kylie. It seems like she's had a hard life, but I just struggle to see anything NICE about her. And the writers, or someone, claims she's just 'incapable of being nice or friendly', but I don't really buy that, because she fakes it pretty well sometimes. I know that's not the same thing, but if she knows how to fake it, why can't she just make herself do it? Until she either decides no, she can't stand doing that long term, or until people start being nicer to her and she doesn't have to, or until it gets easier and she can just do it without it being so much of an effort? I don't know. At best, I just see her as being like a child. And that makes me think it's not really a great idea for her and David to get Max back. I already didn't think that was a great idea after the episode where they really went on about how much they wanted Max back, and then had a conversation where David said he couldn't see himself growing old, and just wanted to have adventures and die young, and Kylie said she wanted to come along too. Which doesn't really fit with the stable parents they apparently want to be. But whatever. I failed to see the episode where she blackmailed Audrey though, so possibly I have missed some of her characterisation, or am imagining it as being worse than it was. I don't know.

I have not been watching Hollyoaks lately though, since last Friday anyway. But I probably should, because it's Hollyoaks Later next week. Aaah!

So. We're onto day three of my staying home on my own, and it's all going pretty well so far. I have managed to feed myself and the animals both days, and use the dishwasher and put the clean pots away, and clear up the dog's droppings two days in a row, which turned out to not be as bad as I thought it was going to be. My parents have a system with plastic bags. It's probably no good for the planet but it's fine with me. I did think there was going to be a dealbreaker today when I let the cat out, then heard her meowing outside the garage door and went to let her in and found a dead mouse on the driveway. But then I closed the garage door again, with her outside, and when I opened it again later, she'd eaten it! Or most of it. So hurrah.

In other news, Coronation Street was fine tonight, but I could have done with less of Peter grabbing Carla. And Roy's mum not being a Tory. But whatever. Also in Emmerdale, I love Chas and Cain, and Gennie, and quite like Nikhil when he's not being awful to Gennie. Ahem.

Otherwise, I have mostly been watching George Gently (oh Bacchus), and attempting to play two new PS3 games. Basically, watching 666theheartless666's LPs has made me want to play games myself, so I picked up Batman: Arkham Asylum and Kane and Lynch: Dead Men in Morrisons on the cheap. So far, I'm shit at both of them, but I have only been playing them for about an hour each, so there we go. I'm thinking I need to focus on just one for a little while, the way when you buy a few new films, you probably shouldn't watch two scenes of one, and then stop it and watch two scenes of the other. And so on. Anyway. We'll see how that plan goes.

In any case, it's worked out sort of well that I ended up staying with the dog, because I'm taking it as practise for when my parents go away in October, and talking about that with my mum made me realise that Connotations is actually on over one of the weekends they're away. So we need to sort out something with the dog for that aswell. Which is obviously better to know now than in October. So that was a good catch, at least.

Hello. I went to the Riverside Festival. It was wicked, as it is most years. I spent too much, but I did buy CDs for the first time ever, and I saw katemonkey in the crowd, which was lovely.

BUT. Mostly what happened was that the soaps were mostly amazing on Friday, and I was nowhere near a computer. However, I did take helpful notes. Here they are, lovingly recreated for you:

( Spoilers for Friday's Emmerdale and Coronation Street episodes )

In other news, that's pretty much it. The Riverside Festival was lovely and sunny and rainy, but hardly ever rainy for very long. For some reason this year they didn't put descriptions of each band in the programme, so it was hard to tell what you were going to see, but I did manage to find quite a lot of really good bands anyway. At one point I was at a gig, and it started raining a bit, but a lot of us stuck it out, and eventually we ended up dancing in front of a massive, really vibrant double rainbow. Which looked to me to be turning into a triple rainbow slightly at some points. But anyway. It was really good. Also I found a stall selling really nice necklaces and I spent too much on jewellery in a new and unexpected way. But I don't regret it, and it was really really nice. Also, I didn't stay for the fireworks on Saturday night, because I didn't want to get back too late, given that I was in town on my own. But I got the bus back, got back to my hotel, settled down in my room, and then started hearing some bangs. I looked behind the curtains, and I could see some of the fireworks from my hotel room. Irritatingly, the Hotel Britannia was directly between me and them, but the Travellodge (I think) was across the road from it, and I could see the reflections from a lot of them in its windows. And some of them came over the top of the Hotel Britannia anyway. Which was quite lovely :)

Soaps are amazing. And so are festivals.

I went to Wakefield and Leeds today, and I bought some earrings and some nail polish. And I tried on some perfume from Lush. It's very nice, but it turns out for a proper bottle of Lush perfume it costs about £32. And even the atomiser costs £15. Also, Jon Burgerman has designed a new tin for Lush which has bath bombs in it. This also costs about £30. Hhrrrghksjdfkdsj.

Anyway. Other things I have done as well as watch Harry Potter:

• Watched the last episodes of Case Histories. Sniff. ( Vague character spoilers that no-one will probably care about )



• Watched the first two episodes of Single-Handed. Sometimes when I am busy loving Jack Driscoll, I forget how genuinely really bleak Single-Handed is. It reminded me in these episodes. And now they have another evil ex-Garda come in to make the community more awful and make Jack Driscoll's life hell. And this one doesn't even love him, like his father. Jack's life is truly awful.

I've been thinking a bit about my fandoms lately. Especially with Connotations coming up and everything. At the moment, they mostly seem to be soaps, webcomics, and weird British/UK detective shows. And films, sometimes. I don't know what the detective shows thing is at the moment, possibly just the fact I've been watching a lot this spring. Most of them don't even have an obvious pairing. At the moment, my head is like a weird little detective agency. Filled with very competent people, who will get the job done, but might just fuck everything up and fuck their own lives up while doing it. Still, at least they have EACH OTHER. Which is often more than they have on their own shows.

Maybe I should focus on Danny Phantom, which has actual fic, and only has ghost, murder and underage issues.

Although I did watch Coronation Street tonight. They made Ken's gay grandson a calculating conman, and then GOT RID OF HIM. I know it's good to have positive gay portrayals on TV, but given that a lot of soaps now have gay and lesbian characters, I'm quite ready to see something outside the general gay and lesbian characters they have. Like villains. Hollyoaks has had a gay gangster for ages, and I know it's Hollyoaks, but they're doing quite well with it. Anyway. But no. He's gone now. Also, Gail got all jealous over people trying to date Nick again (I think they have to stop doing that, at some point. Or make it canon). And Gary is going crazy, and Izzy has to put up with it. Oh well.

Also, I watched a bit of Emmerdale last night and tonight, and I feel like I might be able to start watching it again. Except, as well as pairings which are just sort of starting out and then someone dies, one of the most annoying things for me is watching one half of one of my OTPs just be swanning around without the other one. I think that's half the reason I still go on about Toby De Silva and Toby/Jordan sometimes - because I watch Casualty sometimes nowadays, and Jordan is STILL THERE, being really clipped and brisk and slightly short with his colleagues, and then maybe finding out he was wrong and having to go apologise to them, and running the department on his own no matter what problems arise. And it's so easy to just imagine how much better things would be if he had Toby just quietly standing next to him, watching him, and when he'd had an argument with someone smoothing things over, even if just with his presence. And doing spare paperwork, and being lovely with the patients. And Jordan would have someone supporting him, and someone to take care of, and someone to shout at sometimes eventually leading to a heartfelt apology while Toby didn't look at him. And it just feels very much like it would improve his life. I once had a plotbunny, when all the actors and/or staff were leaving Casualty, about Toby coming back for some reason and finding Jordan running the department literally single-handed, except for maybe the paramedics bringing patients in, and helping to run it with him. That was a lovely plotbunny.

Anyway. My point is that it's weird watching Declan wander around and get on with his life when Nathan isn't there. And how much EASIER his life would be if he had Nathan to mock and argue with, and then jump in to help maybe when Nathan did something TRULY ridiculous. However, Declan's awful wife and not that brilliant daughter are apparently leaving soon. Maybe that will make things easier. Mostly I want Carl to have pushy, not-explaining-the-whole-truth arguments with Aaron about murder, and how at least Aaron had a good reason. But I don't think Emmerdale is going to give me that somehow. Hmph.

I'm sorry if any of this is coming out weird. I didn't get much sleep last night, and now my head and eyes hurt. I am TYPING THROUGH THE PAIN.

( Further thoughts on Coronation Street )

Well. I've pretty much enjoyed this week of Coronation Street, even with it's occasional lows, anyway.

Also, some Emmerdale news! ( Possible future Emmerdale casting/return spoiler )

Also, I'd like to tell you that in the end I just gave up and decided to open the MP3 player and start using it. I've been gearing up to buy it for a while, and the one from the website wouldn't come for at least 3-5 days, and I'm going on holiday in two weeks, so I don't really want to be messing about or possibly missing the return date. And it's only £10, and I didn't go to the cinema this week, so it probably evens out. I'll probably be annoyed if I have to pay for another customs charge on some Threadless t-shirts though. Growl.

The only problem now is that I've plugged it in to charge, and the only user's manual I got is a tiny booklet that explains what the buttons are for, so I'm not really sure how I'll be able to tell when it's charged. Hmm.

I want to go check if So You Think You Can Dance is on now. I don't think I ever said how sad I was about Charlotte going last week. It's really kind of a shame that the first week she wasn't with Matt, she got pretty bad comments for pretty much all her dances, and then got sent home. But I could kind of see some shortfalls in her dances compared to some of the other girl's dances. I have decided that Matt is my favourite now. Especially after that boys' group dance. With Kirsty coming in probably second. And Lee B probably in third. Ironically, I decided I quite liked Bethany Rose last week, for the first time, while she was doing her hip-hop dance, which the judges hated. I get the feeling Katie will win though. Partly because she's a really good dancer, partly because she's quite pretty, and partly because she's been pretty popular all the way through. I'll still probably be watching until the end though (or until all my favourites go, if that happens, I guess).

( Coronation Street )

Ah. Anyway. I also ended up watching Emmerdale tonight. ( Emmerdale )

In other news, bah. I have been playing a lot of Folklore recently, and I thought I was nearly finished. There are five realms you can visit, and I had completed four of them. However, there are also two characters you can play, a young girl called Ellen, or an adult man called Keats. When I first started I genuinely did alternate, playing a chapter with Ellen, then the same chapter from Keats' point of view. But then I decided that I didn't like Keats much, and it was kind of annoying, just finishing one chapter, and then basically having to do it all over again with Keats. You learned more information from playing both characters, but still. And the game guides seemed to say you could play as Ellen or Keats or both, so it seemed like you didn't have to do both. So after the first chapter, I decided to just play as Ellen. But now, like I say, I've just completed the fourth realm, out of five, and now it says to complete the fourth realm properly, you have to play it as Keats as well. So I have to go back and play through three realms and do the chapter I've just done again, just to move forward with the story and with Ellen. Pah I say. Pah and bah.

So. I just freaked myself out trying to buy something online (long story short, there was a webcomic offering itself for $5, when I got to the checkout shipping turned out to be $13.50, I immediately tried to cancel and then - having signed in with Paypal as it recommended - couldn't tell whether I was signed out or not or how exactly my Paypal account was tied up with the site). But anyway, I went into Paypal and changed my password and there's no activity in my account, so I think I've done everything I can to fix that, if indeed there was a problem. It was a very confusing site I was trying to buy the thing from. But anyway.

In other news, I almost can't watch Emmerdale at the moment. ( Emmerdale )

On the other hand, Coronation Street! ( Coronation Street )

And I've been playing more Heavy Rain. I think I'm into the last third or quarter of the game now, and it's getting harder, obviously. ( Spoilery thoughts )

In other news, I think a bit of a rehaul of this journal is in order. Nothing massive, just getting rid of some of the deleted journals from my flist, update the interests, go through the icons and get rid of the ones I don't really use. It's a bit difficult because at the moment I mostly like stock icons, not having many current fandoms at the moment (that aren't soaps), and they're the kind of icons you kind of love and upload and then hardly ever use, in my experience. Maybe it's just me. But anyway. It's needs doing. Whether or not I will actually get round to it anytime soon is another matter, of course.

Also, I totally went to my appointment yesterday, and then this morning I got up at twenty past nine to go to today's at ten. My mum drove me to where it was being held at, at a community centre that's pretty near our house, but down a bunch of weird streets on an estate I don't normally go to. She said she'd wait outside for a few minutes and if I wasn't done by then she'd go home, and I could call her there if I wanted a lift back. It took about five minutes for the woman to even come downstairs, then we went upstairs and she briefly outlined the course, and said something about it being completely voluntary, but if I agreed to doing it I'd be committed to doing 10 hours of stuff a week up there. Then she asked me, just to check, if I was on Jobseeker's, and I said no, I'd just signed off and gone onto Employment Support Allowance. And she said whoops, the course was only open to people on Jobseeker's. So I couldn't do it obviously, but she told me later on, when I was feeling more up to doing stuff, I could call her again for some other courses. Anyway, so I came out at about quarter past ten, my mum had already left, and I ended up trying to find my way back on my own. And getting lost. And briefly climbing a dirt track up a hill. It was like a really elaborate April Fool's joke the world itself had played on me. But anyway. I'm not going on that course, obviously. And at least I went and checked it out, I guess.