girlofprey

Thoughts After Ruskin

Women reminded him of lilies and roses.
Me they remind rather of blood and soap,
Armed with a warm rag, assaulting noses,
Ears, neck, mouth and all the secret places:

Armed with a sharp knife, cutting up liver,
Holding hearts to bleed under a running tap,
Gutting and stuffing, pickling and preserving,
Scalding, blanching, broiling, pulverising,
- All the terrible chemistry of their kitchens.

Their distant husbands lean across mahogany
And delicately manipulate the market,
While safe at home, the tender and the gentle
Are killing tiny mice, dead snap by the neck,
Asphyxiating flies, evicting spiders,
Scrubbing, scouring aloud, disturbing cupboards,
Committing things to dustbins, twisting, wringing,
Wrists red and knuckles white and fingers puckered,
Pulpy, tepid. Steering screaming cleaners
Around the snags of furniture, they straighten
And haul out sheets from under the incontinent
And heavy old, stoop to importunate young,
Tugging, folding, tucking, zipping, buttoning,
Spooning in food, encouraging excretion,
Mopping up vomit, stabbing cloth with needles,
Contorting wool around their knitting needles,
Creating snug and comfy on their needles.

Their huge hands! their everywhere eyes! their voices
Raised to convey across the hullabaloo,
Their massive thighs and breasts dispensing comfort,
Their bloody passages and hairy crannies,
Their wombs that pocket a man upside down!

And when all's over, off with overalls,
Quickly consulting clocks, they go upstairs,
Sit and sigh a little, brushing hair,
And somehow find, in mirrors, colours, odours,
Their essences of lilies and of roses.

by Elma Mitchell

Rachael's further adventures with release dates

• Another thing I was looking forward to in February was the release of the second book of Zodiac Starforce, a comic I quite enjoyed. Enjoyed enough to know I'd want to buy the trade paperback, so there was no point buying individual issues just to throw them away. I went and looked in the big comic book shop in Leeds on February 28th, the day it was supposed to be released, and couldn't find it. But I wasn't desperate for things to read, and I assumed maybe it was just a slightly niche title, and I could always buy it on Amazon. I looked for it another time in the shop after that, but couldn't see it. And then at some point I went to check on that page on Amazon, and realised the release date had been moved to 31st July. Which is something Amazon definitely did not say on, say, 27th February. World, I don't know why you were so determined for February to be a shit month, but if there could at least be some notice of release dates changing, that would be great.



• I went to get the Justice League DVD last Tuesday, as part of my 'week of things happening'. I went into HMV and couldn't see it anywhere. I know it wasn't a popular film, but it wasn't that unpopular. I hung around the store for a little while, looking, and then went in to work and looked it up on the computer when I had a spare minute. The release date has been delayed to 26th March.



• I went into Leeds on Wednesday, just on a whim, and ended up in a shop where I saw that Far Cry 5 statue I was wanting. It was a day early, but that wasn't exactly a problem. But the shop I was in only had one, and it was in a locked glass case, on a shelf just above eye level, and I wasn't sure of the paint job just looking at it - they don't always look like they do online - so I figured I'd want to see it up close before I bought it, and I couldn't be bothered asking them to get it out of a locked case before potentially not buying it. So I went down to Game, where it had been advertised as releasing anyway. It wasn't there. But it was a day before the official release date, so I figured okay. I went back the next day. Nothing. I asked a guy on the desk, and he spent about five minutes looking in the back, and then said they had a credit note for the statue, it was coming in, but he thought it was March 23rd. I knew for a fact it said March 22nd on Amazon, but I figured, they don't have it, okay. I came back the next day. Nothing. I was buying something else at that point, but I asked again, and they said 'communication has been terrible', but they were pretty sure they'd have them on Monday.
  
  Yesterday I decided to have a look around town and in the Game at a retail park near where I live, in case it was just the one shop. I went into a local game store, looked around, nothing. I went into my local game store, where I know the guys, looked around, nothing. I asked at the desk, and he said 'oh, I know the one you mean - where he's shirtless and holding up a gun?'. He said they were getting them on Monday, because the people supplying the statues said 'no-one will want to buy it without the game, anyway, so you may as well hold off until nearer when it releases'. I wanted it without the game. I did. Anyway, I assume that's what happened with the Game store/s as well - and who knows about the other shop in Leeds, but it was part of a chain that's close to shutting down now. So I'm going back into town tomorrow, to my local games shop, to finally look at the statue and be able to fucking buy it.
  
  Also it turns out that the collector's edition Game said was exclusive to them, which was the only reason I pre-ordered it with them anyway, is actually not an exclusive, and my local games shop is getting them in anyway. I could have pre-ordered it there. I could have cancelled my pre-order at Game and gotten it there, a twenty-minute walk from my house. Instead no. Damn it.



• I was planning to see Proud Mary this weekend. Some of you may remember that. Earlier in the week I decided to look up the cinema times, for when I'd want to go ideally yesterday. There were no times for Proud Mary at my local cinema. "Oh, has the RELEASE DATE BEEN DELAYED?" I thought, but no. It still released on March 23rd. It just didn't release anywhere near me. The only local showing I could find was in Leeds, which I'd already been to five times that week for work, at quarter to five in the afternoon. So I did not go see Proud Mary, and probably won't. I can't imagine why they're not just showing it everywhere, but I guess it is a slightly smaller film starring a black woman, even if she is an Oscar nominee - although maybe the less-than-stellar reviews that are coming out aren't helping it either.



• akfsdjjksafndckj

My dad is still acting like he is probably not taking me to Leeds at midnight to get the game I want LITERALLY ON THE FIRST MINUTE OF MY BIRTHDAY. There's a chance he probably won't. Hmph.

I picked up an issue of a new comic yesterday called 'Sacred Creatures', and from the varied and interesting-looking group on the front I assumed it was about gods living in modern times, and what they do. Turned out that it was - but it was mostly about some random dude, with a beautiful girlfriend he just couldn't let down, and what his experiences with them were.

I really have no idea these days why people think anyone who wants to watch a show about GODS in modern times, actually, really, wants to watch a show about a bog-standard, fairly uninteresting human who just meets them. No.

Christmas whale.

It doesn't feel very Christmas-y though. I don't know if it's the mild weather or the fact I'm working, so that takes up most of my time, but it's true. Or maybe it's that people are still reeling in shock from all the politics stuff, so no-one's really in the spirit. Watching Sky News all day really doesn't make me feel too Christmas-y. But anyway, it's true. I can sing Christmas carols to my heart's abandon, even though I don't feel like it, and yesterday I tried to think of even one and could only come up with 'Greensleeves'. Anyway. I'm going to have to do some Christmas shopping soon too, although I don't know when. I have an idea for something to get my mother, and I have the money for it this year too - but it does mean I'll probably need to get my dad something of a similar value, and I don't know what that is. Plus the kids. It's my YN's birthday in less than two weeks. Although I do have a present from last year that I never used hidden away in a drawer. Maybe that will have to do.

After all my worrying about how much time I have these days (despite my claims to the contrary), they're asking me to work extra hours next week, because the morning receptionist is on holiday. I awkwardly explained to my boss that I have OCD and find changes to my routine hard, so I couldn't say I was raring to do it, but I would. He was very nice about it, and said maybe I wouldn't find it as bad as I thought it would be, so we could take about covering in future after that. The thing is it's not the work, it's the amount of time outside of work I'm going to have. They want me to go in for 11 - and really, I think he was hoping for 10 - which means I won't have to get up any earlier, but I won't have time to have a shower on a morning like I usually do, and I won't be able to stay up a little late, because if I sleep in it will really fuck me. So I'll have less time of an evening. But maybe it's only my expectation of what I'm going to get done in a day that really upsets me, and if I let go of that it will be okay, or better at least. And it is only for a week. But the morning receptionist is pregnant, and so she's going to be off for months shortly, and I really don't think I can do that, no matter how well next week goes. I came to this job very much as a part-time job. But like I say, they've been very nice and flexible so far, so we'll see.

Things I have been doing: playing Final Fantasy XV. It's a game that's taken 10 years to come out, so it felt very special to pick it up on day one. And the game had a little leaflet in the front, which was a print-out of a thank you note signed by everyone on the team that made it. Which was lovely. I wanted to get my own opinion of it, rather than just having to listen to all the reviews and whether it was a 'real' Final Fantasy game or not. And I really like it. It's very atmospheric, and everything sort of feels like it goes together, which is hard thing to explain but really makes a game feel special for me. When the story and the characters and the mechanics all seem to work together, and nothing's jarring or feels too 'video-gamey', like it's just a set of mechanics. I really like the combat too, which is cool, because a few of the demos felt very janky. I haven't really touched the story yet, but I'm really enjoying it so far. And really, having everything work together is a real achievement for a game that was in development for so long. Well done to them.

Also, I have been reading the original Superman comic strips. They are amazing. Superman does not give a fuck. The first strip involves him going to see a governor in the middle of the night, who has a SOLID STEEL bedroom door. And the butler's like "haha, just try to get through that", and Superman's like "haha, I will" and rips it apart. Then the butler tries to SHOOT SUPERMAN. Like a fool. But Superman just laughs it off. And then saves a woman who was about to be wrongly executed for something she didn't do. It's great. Of interest to me: Jonathan and Martha Kent were not in the story from the beginning. Superman was raised in an orphanage, where they were like "golly!" about his super-strength, but decided not to say anything about it. But Lois Lane was there from strip one. And she is amazing. An example of their dialogue:

Clark: "Why is it you always avoid me at the office?"
Lois: "Please Clark! I've been scribbling 'sob stories' all day long. Don't ask me to dish out another."

Interestingly, I guess because of the time, Clark Kent is the star reporter at the Daily Star, and Lois is a 'sob sister', which basically means an agony aunt/writer of the sentimental pieces. She's pretty mad about it though. Perry White won't put her on a story about a dam bursting, so she tricks Clark and goes anyway. But then she nearly drowns in the flood and Superman has to save her, so it's not like it's super feminist. But still, she's great. And Clark is all about her. Which is quite lovely.

I get paid today, so I can continue to buy computer parts and actually try and get the thing built. Woo hoo. Also the tax credits place have written back to me, and now they want to pay me £380 a month instead of £390. Which is fine. Still seems bizarre to me, and I suspect it won't last past April, when the new tax year starts, and all my 'freshly working, was recently on ESA' stuff won't really apply. But I've queried it, and they've said it's all fine, so it's very welcome. Given that I'll probably be fine on my wage, I can just put it into my savings account. And then, if they decide they DID make a mistake, it will all just be there anyway to give back to them, and I will be mad, but it will be doable.

Meanwhile the company my company's working for is losing money every year, apparently, so I don't know how safe my job is, and my sister's partner's firm went bust, and I thought he'd been taken on by the firm that took over from them, but apparently everyone except him and his friend got picked back up, so he isn't working. And Christmas is coming, and my sister just got a £150 fine for not showing up to an anger management course they said she had to go on after assaulting a woman last year. So it's all a bit up in the air. But we're out of the depths or recession, say the Conservatives! So hooray. My sister and her family are moving into the new house this weekend apparently. They can't afford to pay my parent's rent yet, obviously, but they will at least be in there. So that's something, I guess.

I went to Thought Bubble today, West Yorkshire's yearly comic book convention. Spent more than I meant to, as usual, but I can afford it for now. And some of it was stuff I would have gotten anyway, so I probably saved on shipping. This line would work better on me if I didn't know there are a couple of PS4 games coming out in the next few weeks that I want and that will be hella expensive. Umm.

But anyway - I stopped off on the way back from Leeds and ended up walking home for about an hour. It started raining, but just gently, so I didn't bother getting my umbrella out. It took about twenty minutes for me to realise actually I had quite a few cloth and paper bags filled with paper comic books, and probably their condition would be optimum if I didn't let them get soaked through with rainwater. Some of their covers are wrinkly and a signature got smudged. But other than that, they're okay folks!

I also handed in my DBS form to start volunteering yesterday. I have to have a DBS check (basically a CRB check) before I can properly start and be left on my own, which will talk about six weeks. At the interview the woman who's sort of the head volunteer said I could come in and train while waiting for it to come back, since I didn't need a DBS check for that - but when I handed in the form, that woman's superior said the check would take about six weeks and to 'call them' when it came back so I could get started. So I don't know when something will next happen now. In six weeks or this week. I'll have to wait and see.

So. I went to the comic convention. Paul Cornell wasn't there, or if he was he was SHIELDED FROM MY EYES. I did have to get up at eight though, which basically left me feeling a bit not-real all day. I decided to eat some lunch before I tried spending any money, which was probably wise. I still spent loads though. But Thought Bubble is only once a year and my arrears have just come through, so eh.

When I got there this morning I was all proud because I'd booked my ticket in advance and could walk past the queue going all the way around the block and just walk in. Then I learned that the queue was FOR people who'd booked in advance, to have their paperwork checked, since everyone had apparently had the same idea. So I had to walk all the way back again. At least it was quick. And I don't know if this is a new thing or I just never really noticed before, but it was a little annoying how a big part of the first aisle was taken up by the major comics publishers. I know it's a comic convention and they're the big suppliers, but I've always seen Thought Bubble advertised mostly as a Small Press and Indie Convention. So to have the first set of stalls taken up with books you could buy in any comic book shop or on Amazon at any time was a little irritating, really. They used to just have stalls somewhere in the middle of the showroom, or on the end of each aisle, so people who were just interested in major titles or in looking for back issues could go there while everyone else wandered around with the indie creators. I don't know, I did see some - I don't know, "well-funded" - titles I'd never seen before, but...it seemed to not really be in the spirit of the convention.

But it was good. I had my usual problem of not being able to talk to the people on the stalls, as though I am literally just going "No, I don't want to speak to the ARTIST, I just want to see the PRODUCTS". But most people were pretty nice about it, and I actually had a chat with one writer about her having come up from Milton Keynes. Huzzah. And I got some art, for the first time ever. Two £5 prints, one of which is a picture of Mako Mori drawn by Nich Angell. You don't get that every day.

Steam, however, continues to irritate me. And Adobe Flash Player - Adobe Flash Player won't let me update the Adobe Flash Player. When it gives me a little notice about a new version being out, I go to download it, go to a nice page claiming to be Step 1 of 3, click the "Update Now" button, and it just sends me to Adobe.com. Is anyone else having this problem? I don't know what to do if it continues. I can still play videos and animations NOW, but in a few updates time I probably won't, and if it still won't let me update it then what? When I go to the Adobe support page it just tells me to check if I have the latest version of Flash Player, and when I click the link it just sends me to the page that eventually sends me to Adobe.com again. I can't even see an address to email them at. I'm starting to think I'm going to have switch my updating options to "Yes, update whatever you like whenever you like, it's your computer not mine".

And my MN is apparently about an inch away from being expelled from school. That's the 5 year old. Yesterday mum and I had to go pick him up from his school because he was kicking off and messing about so much his teacher couldn't handle him, or have him disrupting the lessons any longer. And I don't always hear a lot about it, but this is an ongoing thing, he's had a special teacher sort of sitting with him and trying to keep him focused for months now. They've mentioned getting him a mental health appointment, but so far neither the school nor my sister have done anything about it. For now we'll have to wait and see what happens on Monday, I guess.

Things I have done yesterday and today:

• Went to Leeds, bought gold boots.



• Also bought back issues of the comics I've been reading lately, where I could.



• Bought Halloween chocolate from Hotel Chocolat.



• Reorganised my CD collection into my new handmade CD unit. I have a lot of CDs.



• Got up at 9.30am this morning, well before I usually do, to await for delivery of gold boots (Doc Martens) because they didn't have the size I needed in Leeds so I had to have them delivered, and I forgot mum was working a night shift last night and would want to sleep in this morning.



• Argued with mum about whether I should or shouldn't have gotten a size 7 in the gold boots - my feet are a 5 1/2 and a 6 respectively, and I normally get a 6, but yesterday when I tried on the size 6's they hurt me even when I was sitting down doing nothing. I'm pretty sure going a size bigger with Doc Martens is the done thing. Especially if your usual size hurt even when you're sitting down.



• Listened to my mum about the horrendous night shift she had last night. Dude.



• Met my service worker in town for a few hours. By coincidence, he also bought a pair of Doc Martens recently, for the same price as mine, and he had to go a size up too. Vindication.



• Got a call from the Employment Support Allowance people. I was worried, but then it turned out to be a courtesy call because I'd sent my sick note in a little late, and they were just letting me know my next payment was a bit delayed.



• Got a call from my local mental health organisation, replying to the message I left on Friday, for a brief assessment of my case, and I am now on the waiting list for a full assessment in a few weeks.

I was planning to go see Thor 2 tomorrow, before the spoilers start pouring in. But now I think I'm going to do nothing.

• Did anyone watch X Factor at all tonight?? CHRISTOPHER MOLONEY'S EYES OF DEATH WILL KILL US ALL.



• In unrelated news, I recently spent weeks trying to work out who the posh woman in The Paradise is and meaning to look it up. Only to find out yesterday that she's Abby Mills from Harper's Island. HER ACTING STYLE IS VERY DIFFERENT IN THE PARADISE. No wonder I didn't connect the two roles.

I went to Thought Bubble in Leeds today. I do love Thought Bubble. I spent quite a lot, as usual, but it's only once a year. And some of the artists you never see there again. I still wish I'd picked up a poster from Sister Claire's artist the first year. But oh well. My dream is to one day have enough money left from buying books to be able to buy some of the art on sale there. Because it is quite beautiful. But a lot of the artists, at least, do seem to come back year after year, I guess because doing commissions at a con is often pretty good business for them. But before any of you think about judging me, I would just like to point out that the guy who does Romantically Apocalyptic was there, and he was selling his books for £40 each. And I was sort of tempted to get one, because they're always going to be £40, and this way at least I would save on shipping. But I didn't! I just spent at least £40 on OTHER books!

Also, I got a cuddly Mameshiba. Which I adore. I didn't even know you could buy them.

I also got a letter from the DWP today. Well, I got 3 letters. The first was to tell me that they were going to pay me through my appeal, £61 a week from 12th October. The second was to tell me that they were going to pay me through my appeal, £61 a week from 18th October. The third was to tell me that since they were going to pay me through my appeal, they were going to need doctor's certificates again, so I should get one into them by 12th October. So yes. They're planning to pay me, at least. I don't know exactly how it's going to work with the doctor's certificates, but before I stopped needing them (for a bit) they were happy to just give continuing ones that I could pick up from the reception, without needing to see a doctor. Obviously I haven't been getting them for a few months now, but given that my condition is ongoing, maybe they'll be willing to do another continuation again? And if they are going to - or even if they're not going to - I might be able to ask them to backdate it, since, as I say, my condition is ongoing. I don't know. I'll need to call them this week. But at least the DWP are happy to pay me. And I'd still like to check with an advice organisation that they won't have any leverage to ask me for it all back if I lose my appeal, so I can feel comfortable spending it, but I don't think they will. It would make the ESA and appeal process even more unfair if they could do things like that. So hopefully, I'll at least have some money coming in for the next few months (although not as much as I did before, unfortunately).

Kate Beaton was supposedly at Thought Bubble. But when I went by her stall in the afternoon she wasn't there (that I could see), and there was nothing on sale that I particularly wanted to buy. And when I went by again before I left, just for the novelty of seeing her in the flesh, there was a sign on her stall saying she wouldn't be back for another 45 minutes. A more suspicious person would suspect maybe she wasn't there at all. But she probably was. Just away from me.

ILLUSIONS, Michael.

Being at Eastercon also reminded me that there's a lot of things I love that I don't talk about. Hence:

• Video: Americans can't deal with Snatch-style British accents, but then most of the time neither can I.



• This is a Juana Ines de la Cruz, who was a child genius in the 17th Century, and apparently wrote quite a lot of feminist stuff that still - sadly - seems relevant and important today. I love her.



• These women have a tumblr pretty much dedicated to recreating and mocking ridiculous female superhero poses, and I love them.



• I really, really want to do a songvid of all of the fighty games I love at the moment - mainly Infamous, Wet, and Saints Row 2 - to the Arctic Monkeys' I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor. And if there isn't already an action-themed fanvid - or many of them - to it, then I am just ANGRY AT THE WORLD.

My computer is going extremely slowly. It says it's backing something up, but it's been doing that for about three hours. slkfjsdkf.

Also I am SO TIRED.

My parents gave me £50 for my birthday. And apparently, the Playstation 3 is coming tomorrow. Which is very nice of them. Especially since I realised that even if I have the Playstation 3 and manage to hook it up to a decent screen, I don't have any games to play on it, and I can't afford the ones I like. But now I can. I'm a bit excited really. This is the first time I've ever had a games console, aside from the time my sister borrowed a Playstation off a friend of hers for a few days when I was in highschool. We played a bit of Tomb Raider for a few days, couldn't get out of a cave, and then gave it back. Good times.

We went out for lunch as well, to The Rustic Arms, which is a pub in Ackworth that I haven't been to since I was a teenager, and used to go to a bit as a kid. It had a big playground and a lake/pond, and we thought it might be better for my nephews than the slightly posher place we normally go to. The playground has either been changed or I remember it being a lot bigger, and the pond was fenced off for the local fishermen/people, but it was lovely, and really child-friendly, and the food was really nice, so it was quite a nice day out. We came back to my parents' house for some cake, and brought my grandma down, which she ended up complaining ferociously about (as always), but there were no real fallings-out and it stayed quite nice. And then I came back and watched the Dancing On Ice final, and Chris Dean and Jayne Torvill danced the Bolero, and Craig Mclachlan, with beautiful scruffy hair and a load of stubble, skated a little bit of his routine he did in the first week. Which was all lovely.

However, I am not so pleased about this habit of me having to lose an hour of my birthday, world. I dimly recall it happening before, I think. Less of that, please.

Anyway. In other news:

• Since reading all of Gastrophobia in the last week or so, I thought I couldn't love it more. But then I saw the latest strip, and it turned out I COULD love it more. New Who lovers may want to, um, not read that. ETA: UNLESS YOU LOVE PARODY. Maybe you should read it then.



• It's a Cracked.com article, so possibly on shaky ground scientifically or prone to exaggeration, but apparently crows are even more intelligent and slightly terrifying than we generally thought they were. Crows will TELL THEIR FRIENDS YOU ARE DANGEROUS AND TRIED TO HURT THEM. I love crows. And even after that article, am only slightly afraid of them.



• I also spent a lot of last night reading various Cracked.com articles about many comic book stories/characters you will probably wish did not exist. It's the combination of hysterical laughter and horror that is such a big draw for me.

Hello. I am stupid. ( Jobseeker's appointments and benefits stuff )

Anyway. On a slightly happier note, having had some money finally to spend I obviously set about spending some of it on slightly trivial things that I'd been wanting for a month or so. Including some nice new underwear from La Senza. I was going to make a post the other day starting with "They make Oscar the Grouch underwear for men but not for women, WHAT KIND OF FOUL SEXISM IS THIS???". I didn't, but I feel that my point still stands. Oscar the Grouch for all, I say. Anyway, some of my new underwear can only really be worn at Christmas, but it's still rather lovely.

And I have been watching TV:

• I missed most of the It Takes Two shows this week, due to appointments and going to the cinema and such things. However, nothing will ever be funnier than Len trying to teach Claudia how to rumba. And I did see Erin's house with it's lovely mirror. And shoe collection. And weird bug thing. And amazing rug, where she choreographs routines. I'm quite looking forward to tonight, with it's new dances. I happen to know from (Sue Perkins) experience that the Charleston is a bit great, frankly.



• ( True Blood, up to 1.08 )



• ( Coronation Street, natch )
  
  
  
• Also I have been reading Looking For Group, again. I love Cale. I love Richard. I love it. I'm not finished though, so don't spoil me please.



• ( Misfits, up to 1.03, and speculation )

And I believe that's all of my TV-watching for the week. I'm going to make a pizza now. Mmm, warm pizza.