girlofprey

And also:

• I have a cold. It's not so bad, but I have it, and it's making even eating chocolate slightly painful, which seems like a bit much right now. And I feel like maybe I got it through my mental health problems, because I was doing a lot of hard breathing through my nose while trying to calm down about things, and it hurt and made my nose feel dried out, so maybe a problem got in that way? Or because I've been really run-down lately? Or maybe I just have a cold, but also a slight feeling that maybe my mental health problems/me are to blame in some way.



• The last time I changed out my bin, I couldn't find a plastic bag big enough to fit my bin to replace the old one, and it was Christmas so the bins were full so I couldn't empty it either. And now my snotty tissues and other things are just piling up in a bag I obviously won't be able to seal.



• I've been getting back into Far Cry 5 fic, because New Dawn's coming out and it's making me think of it, and because I feel like I have enough distance from the game to enjoy other people's stories about it. Only the stories about Joseph/male Deputy seem to have a plot or any characterisation for the main character. I don't know what that means, but it's really annoying.



• Four weeks of holiday time in a year really doesn't feel like enough.



• Looking back over fandom over the past year/years, I think I'm most upset about what's happened to hypnosis kink. I'm not going to go into exactly what I like in hypnosis kink, because that's personal, but the current "someone gets all their thoughts taken from them, they're just ready to do whatever someone else tells them, like an empty shell!" trend isn't it. And a close second is what's happened to daddy kink.



• Jacob Seed isn't the best character or dom in Far Cry 5. He just isn't. HE DOESN'T EVEN REALLY LIKE NATURE OR WOLVES OR HIMSELF, THAT WAS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE STORY.

I have a cold again, and I'm pretty sure it's because of my job. It's so cold in the reception where I work, at this time of year. We're basically sat between a revolving door that's never fully shut, and a set of lifts that for some reason blow out cold air at us. The lifts have been set so the doors stay closed at the bottom, so they don't blow out so much cold air at us, and that's about the only fix that can possibly have. We had a big, massive industrial heater for behind the desk, which had a tendency to melt things if you got too close to it, and gives you kind of a headache with the glowing orange light it puts out while it's on. But both of the elements blew last week so it had to be taken away to be fixed - no real ETA on when it will be. We had another heater under the desk, and one on the back wall that makes so much white noise I can't really hear anything when it's on, and they brought us out another heater for under the desk. But on Monday it was unexpectedly, particularly cold, and I didn't have the hang of the heaters under the desk so they kept turning themselves off, and I was literally huddling into myself for warmth, and before the end of the day I could feel that soreness at the roof of my mouth again that means a snotty nose is coming, and now I've got a cough that's been keeping me up at night.

Put that together with a bunch of people in the building that have colds, and they keep handing me things, sometimes with hands that are STILL holding snotty tissues, and it's not a great combination.

On Tuesday, my manager walked by and said if I got too cold, I should just come into the office, not to just suffer through it. But he wasn't there on Monday, so I didn't know that, my job as far as I'm concerned is to always man the desk, especially during the busy hours. Last night, when I came back from my break at about quarter to five, I found out a woman in the office had organised interviews up to 7pm, even though we close reception now at 6pm, and hadn't told us. I have to leave at quarter to seven to get a train home, so I called my manager just to say I'd have to trust an employee to lock up tonight, and he said if people were expected in I should really stay on reception until I had to leave. So then I had to sit on reception during the coldest, darkest part of my shift, when normally I get to go into the office these days. But no. I had the hang of the heaters better, so it wasn't so bad, but seriously?

And I'm just angry now. I mean, partly it is my fault because I'm always like, 'it's fine, it's fine'. And it IS fine. When we have the big heater. But this is not the first time elements in the big heater have blown, and we knew this was a problem from at least last year. My manager had some people in yesterday, looking at insulating the revolving door better, and last week the Head of Facilities woman was talking about ordering some branded fleeces for us - I said no for myself, because we had the big heater. But - maybe more preparation? Since we knew this was a problem since last year, and the heater could always blow? Why do we have to wait until we're sitting shivering in the cold for my manager to think about insulating the doors better? Why did he not tell me I could always go into the office when it got cold at the start of the cold season, rather than after it'd already been cold for a while?

So I'm fucking angry now. I'm not super looking forward to going and sitting in the cold, with a cold. I'm going to say something, but I don't know what I can say, because he obviously is already doing things to try to improve the situation. They predicted snow last night, and it hasn't come, and I'm annoyed because I was kind of hoping for a reason to not have to go in today. I have a cold and it's unpleasant. I hate my workplace currently.

For a minute there, I felt like I was starting to smell and taste things again. Which was novel.

Then I emptied the dishwasher, and immediately felt exhausted, and my throat started killing me. Oh well.

(I did not go to work today).

So. It turns out I forgot to take my anti-depressants yesterday, which might explain part of why I was feeling so bad, and constantly dizzy. I'm feeling a lot better today, although I'm still having random, painful coughing jags, and I can't really taste anything. But on the whole, quite a lot better. It's even been 4 hours since I last took paracetamol, and I'm not even desperately clamouring to take some more.

I went to work and actually felt a lot better. I think making that post probably helped. People say positive thinking is good for your health, but I think maybe miserable thinking is the thing. Or maybe I was positively miserable (ha ha ha). Anyway. It was either that or the buttercup syrup. I still wish I was at home rather than working, but I also feel like going to work tomorrow won't be akin to dying.

I have made a masterpiece in the Sims 4, and if you saw it you would be ashamed of me.

Sick. Off work. Going to play some Div and hope I feel better.

( Div )

I got asked out by a cleaner tonight.

Sadly, not even the cleaner I have a crush on - she's real pretty, but I don't know if she's gay, or single, and haven't really talked to her. It was one of the older cleaners, probably in his 40s or 50s, and after asking if I had a nice Valentines and then finding out I was single, but might date if I 'met someone nice', asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner "to discuss ideas". I said no. Tbh, the morning woman, who used to be a cleaner, said he always used to get onto her about things she hadn't done in the toilets she cleaned, but she had to clean way more than him in the same amount of time, and when he was finished he didn't help out or do any more toilets, he just stood around gassing with his friends. Anyway. I told him I had depression, and had had it for 10 years, and wasn't looking to date anyone, and he left it at that.

I'm so tired at the moment. I went to see the Lego Batman film on Saturday, like a fool, since I had a cold, and ended up shaking and feeling like I was going to pass out after getting out of the cinema. I had to have a quick Burger King, for fuel, and also to drink some water. They won't sell you tapwater in Burger King anymore. For 'health and safety' reasons. You have to buy bottled water, from the Coca Cola corporation. I'm thinking of complaining.

I'm going to Redemption next week, and I'm looking forward to it, but haven't really started preparing in any way. I need to find out when we need to pay the bill for the rooms, because I literally check in the day before payday. Also I don't know what we're going to discuss there. Sherlock? Is it Sherlock everyone's into these days? I guess it isn't technically a slash con. What sci-fi is there these days? Doctor Who? Are we going to have to discuss Marvel all weekend? Maybe there will be...something. A film of some kind. Mad Max. Maybe we'll all discuss Mad Max. I should probably look at the programme.

I'm tempted to watch the new season of Walking Dead purely because Jeffrey Dean Morgan's in it.

I somehow have another cough again. Maybe? Because it really feels like my first cough never quite went away. I wasn't really ill ill for a long time, but I definitely felt like I was chestier than usual. Anyway. It's not quite as bad as the Red Death, or Virus 2: The Revenge, but it's definitely annoying. I'm thinking this one is Virus 3: Revelations. I'm hoping the revelation will be, when will I not have an irritating cough anymore?

I did it. I finally found the base post of a joke I've been laughing at for about a year now.

That was me yesterday, only instead of skipping breakfast, it was me thinking I'd just catch a train home from Lancaster.

It was appalling. When we got to the station, it said my train was delayed, but not by how much, but I figured it would only be a few minutes at most. It turned out it was delayed because of a trespasser on the line, which due to the time of year and how long it took them to resolve it, I'm going to now assume was someone trying to kill themselves, which is really sad. But it meant we were just stood about at Lancaster station for an hour, with them every now and then making announcements that the train was still delayed, they still didn't know how long it would be till it arrived, and then trespasser was still on the tracks. The best part was, the problem was happening at Morecambe, which was nowhere on my route home, but our train was coming from Morecambe, so we just couldn't get going till it was done. They cancelled 2 trains to Morecambe over the next hour, and started talking about replacement bus services. I stood out on a freezing cold platform for about 25 minutes before I realised that what with the cold and all, that probably wasn't the best plan, then went and had a chocolate brownie from Costa and sat in the passenger's lounge. My mum called, and my phone died, but happily there was a plug socket right in front of me in the waiting room, and I managed to charge it up enough for it to last the rest of my journey home. Finally, after an hour, they announced that a (delayed) train to Preston would have a connection to Leeds, so anyone who'd been planning to get on my train should probably get on that. Which was no easy feat, because it was packed to the rafters, particularly around the doorways - and not really in the aisles, so clearly people just didn't want to move. But eventually we got to Preston, and eventually we got on a train to Leeds that wasn't too packed, and I managed to give my parents some idea when I was getting home so I could get a lift from our local station. And the scenery was really beautiful in the sunset and the twilight. So it wasn't all bad. I did try to have a nap on that train and then as soon as I sat up from it ended up coughing my lungs up, while everyone on the carriage looked at me like I was Patient Zero, including a Brenda Blethyn-looking woman at my table. But anyway. After a short, cold stay at Leeds station, I managed to finally get home.

Home was a slightly different story. I'd been expecting all the sympathy from my mum cos I was ill, and when I told her about it on the phone she said she'd go out and try to get me all the cold remedies. Which I thought was odd, because usually she just gives me whatever's in the cupboard. But when I told her I was going to take the next few days off work, she looked at me in horror, because she'd thought I would just take all the cold remedies till I was all dosed up, and then go into work. She's been fretting about sickness at work and self-certification notes all day, which doesn't really help my anxiety. But I think she has a slightly overblown sense of what rational self-sacrifice is, so I am just not taking her advice. I feel way better now than I did on Saturday, but I think I'm going to take tomorrow off as well just to recover, and then try to go back in on Thursday. My boss has been super lovely about it.

I put the sides back on my new computer tower yesterday. In a show of either confidence, or not wanting to be bothered, my dad said I could do it, and I did. It makes it look very finished and beautiful. I'm currently trying to make a Windows 10 boot disk, even though I can't authenticate it, or do pretty much anything, without internet. But I'm going to try to maybe find a place for the tower, and plug in my keyboard and mouse. No word yet on the ethernet extender my dad was talking about, which is how I'm going to get internet, but it does feel like things are moving on at a decent pace.