girlofprey: (Default)
Sometimes I forget how much puritans suck. Then I remember.

I tried to pay off my tax credits overpayment yesterday. It was a massive pain, because first the letter told me to call a number to speak to HMRC about it, which was not a free number, then a bit later in the letter it said there was also a website I could go to; the website said I could pay it off by cheque at my bank or building society, using the payslip they'd sent me, but I only had the letter and no payslip; I went to my bank on Saturday with a cheque and the letter, but they said they couldn't do it because they didn't have a sort code or account number to pay the cheque into (which was probably on the payslip); so I got the sort code and account number from the website, where it told you how to pay things off using telephone or online banking, and I went into my bank again yesterday, and they said that sort code and account number weren't for a Barclays account, so they couldn't pay it in. However, using the letter and sort code and account number and the cheque I'd written, they could pay the money as a transfer, using the payment reference on my letter as a transaction reference. So I hope that worked, and HMRC don't still think I owe them £1028.94. I could probably find out. By calling the non-free number.

I've decided to try to read Stephen King's It, since that trailer suggests it's a pretty powerful story. I went into Waterstones today, and I was going up in their lift I saw some Stephen King books on the ground floor. I was looking for something else too, but then I went down, with little time to spare till I had to go to work. There were only three books on the shelf, because it was the Stephen King part of the crime section. I went to 'Fiction K'. No Stephen King. I assume his books were in the horror section upstairs, but I had to leave. I searched for 'Stephen King It' on Amazon. The first result was 'The Stand'. Then 'Mr Mercedes'. Then 'The Shining'. I don't know why the world doesn't want me to have that book.
girlofprey: (Default)
The sky seems to have remembered it's July and gone sunny.

HMRC wrote to me yesterday. Apparently the letter I got saying I owed them £750 was only from one part of the tax year, probably from when I was no longer eligible to receive the benefit at all. For the time before that, I owe them £250 of mony they overpaid me. So they want about £1000 from me in total. Which is...frustrating, considering I didn't really do anything wrong. If they had a date in mind when I was no longer eligible to receive a payment, I think I gave them that information, they could have easily kept track of it themselves and done a review when it ran out. And of the time before that, they just miscalculated I guess, or something, but it wasn't me. But it was just money they gave me, which I didn't spend, so I can pretty easily get it back out and give it to them. My parents are saying I should complain or say I don't have the money, and tell them to take it back out of my tax code or something - but I'd just end up paying the same amount to them anyway, just slower. I'd rather take it out in a lump sum and give it back and have done with it. I'm thinking about complaining about the way it was all handled though.

I've been going through my old CDs some more again. It's a little more irritating given that a lot of songs I thought I had saved to my computer haven't been saved, or have updated till I can't play them anymore, but it's still odd to go through a CD, realise you really like a lot of songs on it, but still feel no need to keep the CD. One of those songs is this one, which I think is one of my favourite ghost stories ever. I did not keep the CD.

girlofprey: (Default)
My Day:

  • I woke up late, and realised I had to go to work again.

  • I got up late, and after having a shower, I didn't have enough time to play anything before I went to work, as I often like to do.

  • When it was time to start getting ready for work, I went to the bathroom first, and after a morning of feeling fine, the instant I sat on the toilet I felt like one huge cramp, and just awful. I started feeling really hot, and like I was going to pass out. I really thought I was going to have to call in sick to work, and I can't call in sick every time I have a weekend off, they won't allow it. At the very least I thought I was going to have to miss my train while I recovered, and go in late.

  • I started feeling better and managed to get ready in time to go for my train, but I didn't have time to make a sandwich, so I knew I'd have to buy one.

  • I got to the station, and my train came, and it pulled in way too far along the platform, and then the conductor got off and said the train wouldn't be going to the first two stations it's supposed to go to, because of a line failure or something. It still went to Leeds, so I was fine, but it did occur to me that if it wasn't going to Leeds I wouldn't have known until the time I was supposed to get on it. This is after my train was late on Friday, and they didn't tell us about it, the display just started showing the details for the next train to somewhere completely different, and didn't say our train was still coming but late until about a minute before it pulled in. I very nearly got a bus, but didn't. Renationalise the railways, that's what I say.

  • I don't know if my train was late getting to Leeds because of that, but after buying and eating a sandwich, I ended up being late getting to work. The person covering the lunch hour was kind enough to let me use the bathroom and get some water before I started anyway.

  • Still felt sick all day, after the toilet incident.

  • When I switched on my computer, it said it was 'configuring Windows'. Then when I opened Outlook, I had to set up my email account again, and then I could only see my own email and not the car park emails. While I was waiting to ask my boss if he knew how to set it up again, I went to fill a spreadsheet I've been keeping of temporary passes we sign out, at my boss's request. That was also gone. It turns out, because of malware or some sort of security scan, they found that our desk computer was vulnerable, and had literally gotten rid of it and replaced it with an entirely new PC. So everything really did need to be set up again. I had indeed lost the document I'd been keeping, which included all the incidents of people going through the barriers when they shouldn't.

  • I had to get IT involved to set up my car park emails again. While they had control of my computer, they switched to the ugliest font imaginable, and now I have to live with that.

  • My boss emailed me some of my old spreadsheets I'd sent to him (I send one every month), so I got the formatting and some of the older incidents back. I still had to go through our file for the whole of May so far, counting up how many temporary security passes we'd given out each day, and filling it out again.

  • The woman who properly runs the car park in HR said I didn't have a signature on my email anymore, even though I don't remember having one ever, and I had to set that up again, and it was annoying.

  • Every Tuesday, we do a fire alarm test. This basically means one of my co-workers comes out, I give him the keys and my phone, and he calls up and puts our alarm on test (so no fire engines come), then he goes upstairs, and I have to wait by the panel for him to set off the alarm somewhere upstairs, count to ten, then push a button to silence it. He told me today we'd be doing a 'full test', which basically means it'd do all the things it's supposed to do in a real fire, like open all the security barriers and call all the lifts down so no-one could use them. He did the thing, I waited by the panel as usual, the fire alarm went off. I briefly noticed that all the barriers hadn't opened and at least one lift hadn't come down before I had to press the button to silence the alarm. It wouldn't silence. I pressed it again. It wouldn't silence. I pressed a different button that said silence, but no joy. Everyone who'd been stood there when it started going off was looking at me, but it wouldn't silence. I told them that, that it was just a test but the button wasn't working. People started coming down the stairs, because they thought it was a drill or fire, but the barriers hadn't opened so they couldn't just walk out anyway, so they just hovered around the room behind them uncertainly. Then the fire marshalls started coming down, in their yellow jackets. While I tried to explain it was just a test, it just wasn't working properly. And the alarm was going off very loudly and piercingly. My co-worker finally came and shouted down 'is it not silencing?', and I said no. I turns out you need a code to silence it during a full test, and it had been so long since he'd done one he'd forgotten. In the meantime, because people are absolutely, 100% supposed to leave the building if the fire alarm goes off and keeps going off, the building had evacuated. And then I had to sit with my hand on our contractor gate button to keep it open while everyone marched back in, while the fire marshalls looked on disapprovingly. And tried to ask me exactly what had happened. It was not a great time. But at least I didn't have to fill out reports afterwards, which my co-worker did for some time. Also, it turns out our fire alarm doesn't work like it should on full test. Which is a shame.

  • Still felt sick all day. But then I had some chocolate and felt like I was giving myself life force, so idk.

  • I got home and found they'd finally sent me the form for a re-assessment for tax credits.

What a day
girlofprey: (Christmas Whale)
Christmas whale.

It doesn't feel very Christmas-y though. I don't know if it's the mild weather or the fact I'm working, so that takes up most of my time, but it's true. Or maybe it's that people are still reeling in shock from all the politics stuff, so no-one's really in the spirit. Watching Sky News all day really doesn't make me feel too Christmas-y. But anyway, it's true. I can sing Christmas carols to my heart's abandon, even though I don't feel like it, and yesterday I tried to think of even one and could only come up with 'Greensleeves'. Anyway. I'm going to have to do some Christmas shopping soon too, although I don't know when. I have an idea for something to get my mother, and I have the money for it this year too - but it does mean I'll probably need to get my dad something of a similar value, and I don't know what that is. Plus the kids. It's my YN's birthday in less than two weeks. Although I do have a present from last year that I never used hidden away in a drawer. Maybe that will have to do.

After all my worrying about how much time I have these days (despite my claims to the contrary), they're asking me to work extra hours next week, because the morning receptionist is on holiday. I awkwardly explained to my boss that I have OCD and find changes to my routine hard, so I couldn't say I was raring to do it, but I would. He was very nice about it, and said maybe I wouldn't find it as bad as I thought it would be, so we could take about covering in future after that. The thing is it's not the work, it's the amount of time outside of work I'm going to have. They want me to go in for 11 - and really, I think he was hoping for 10 - which means I won't have to get up any earlier, but I won't have time to have a shower on a morning like I usually do, and I won't be able to stay up a little late, because if I sleep in it will really fuck me. So I'll have less time of an evening. But maybe it's only my expectation of what I'm going to get done in a day that really upsets me, and if I let go of that it will be okay, or better at least. And it is only for a week. But the morning receptionist is pregnant, and so she's going to be off for months shortly, and I really don't think I can do that, no matter how well next week goes. I came to this job very much as a part-time job. But like I say, they've been very nice and flexible so far, so we'll see.

Things I have been doing: playing Final Fantasy XV. It's a game that's taken 10 years to come out, so it felt very special to pick it up on day one. And the game had a little leaflet in the front, which was a print-out of a thank you note signed by everyone on the team that made it. Which was lovely. I wanted to get my own opinion of it, rather than just having to listen to all the reviews and whether it was a 'real' Final Fantasy game or not. And I really like it. It's very atmospheric, and everything sort of feels like it goes together, which is hard thing to explain but really makes a game feel special for me. When the story and the characters and the mechanics all seem to work together, and nothing's jarring or feels too 'video-gamey', like it's just a set of mechanics. I really like the combat too, which is cool, because a few of the demos felt very janky. I haven't really touched the story yet, but I'm really enjoying it so far. And really, having everything work together is a real achievement for a game that was in development for so long. Well done to them.

Also, I have been reading the original Superman comic strips. They are amazing. Superman does not give a fuck. The first strip involves him going to see a governor in the middle of the night, who has a SOLID STEEL bedroom door. And the butler's like "haha, just try to get through that", and Superman's like "haha, I will" and rips it apart. Then the butler tries to SHOOT SUPERMAN. Like a fool. But Superman just laughs it off. And then saves a woman who was about to be wrongly executed for something she didn't do. It's great. Of interest to me: Jonathan and Martha Kent were not in the story from the beginning. Superman was raised in an orphanage, where they were like "golly!" about his super-strength, but decided not to say anything about it. But Lois Lane was there from strip one. And she is amazing. An example of their dialogue:

Clark: "Why is it you always avoid me at the office?"
Lois: "Please Clark! I've been scribbling 'sob stories' all day long. Don't ask me to dish out another."

Interestingly, I guess because of the time, Clark Kent is the star reporter at the Daily Star, and Lois is a 'sob sister', which basically means an agony aunt/writer of the sentimental pieces. She's pretty mad about it though. Perry White won't put her on a story about a dam bursting, so she tricks Clark and goes anyway. But then she nearly drowns in the flood and Superman has to save her, so it's not like it's super feminist. But still, she's great. And Clark is all about her. Which is quite lovely.

I get paid today, so I can continue to buy computer parts and actually try and get the thing built. Woo hoo. Also the tax credits place have written back to me, and now they want to pay me £380 a month instead of £390. Which is fine. Still seems bizarre to me, and I suspect it won't last past April, when the new tax year starts, and all my 'freshly working, was recently on ESA' stuff won't really apply. But I've queried it, and they've said it's all fine, so it's very welcome. Given that I'll probably be fine on my wage, I can just put it into my savings account. And then, if they decide they DID make a mistake, it will all just be there anyway to give back to them, and I will be mad, but it will be doable.

Meanwhile the company my company's working for is losing money every year, apparently, so I don't know how safe my job is, and my sister's partner's firm went bust, and I thought he'd been taken on by the firm that took over from them, but apparently everyone except him and his friend got picked back up, so he isn't working. And Christmas is coming, and my sister just got a £150 fine for not showing up to an anger management course they said she had to go on after assaulting a woman last year. So it's all a bit up in the air. But we're out of the depths or recession, say the Conservatives! So hooray. My sister and her family are moving into the new house this weekend apparently. They can't afford to pay my parent's rent yet, obviously, but they will at least be in there. So that's something, I guess.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
My dad is genuinely in a mood with me because I started buying parts for my new PC build, and didn't consult with him or get his approval first. For real.

I called the Tax Credits place today, just to double-check about my form. The lady said as far as she could see from looking at it, they didn't have me down as having been on income-related Jobseeker's, which is a relief. The part of me that still worries keeps thinking maybe I got confused when I was deciding whether I qualified for the Disability aspect - but I always understood the concept of being on the taxable Jobseeker's, even if I got the terms mixed up, so I don't think I would have. The woman said that a lot of their decisions are based on 'faith' and not actually looking into your circumstances. But I feel like I've done pretty much everything I possibly can at this point to check if I made a mistake, and everything suggests that I didn't. However - one thing the woman said they didn't have was my projected taxable income for the rest of this year. This was something my Job Advisor said I'd need to do the Tax Credits calculator thing online, to see if I qualified, and it never asked me for it. And when I filled in the form it didn't ask me for it. But the woman on the phone said they'd need it, and it would affect my awarded payment, and if they didn't have it and they overpaid me they'd have to take the money back somehow. I don't think she meant sending the bailiffs round, just paying out less in the future, but still. So I gave it to her, including the taxable Jobseeker's Allowance I received this year. She said it would affect my payments, and I'd get a new awards letter sent out. It's all the same to me, I wouldn't have even thought about tax credits if it wasn't for my Job Advisor, and my new wage is enough for me. But it all seems like it's in a bit of a shambles at the moment.

I hope "even our very worst, most despicable politicians still hate Nigel Farage" is a top news story every day.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
The more I hear about Bernie Sanders, the more I think he's just a cunt.

And Jeremy Corbyn seems to be taking after him, and that's a shame.

Tonight my train home was delayed due to flooding, and then my train home broke down a few stops from my stop. They got it going again. But still. It was not my favourite train ride home ever.

My Playstation Vita made it bearable though. The littlest Playstation.

Also, when I got home, I had a letter from the HMRC about my Working Tax Credits. They have given me them, which I sort of suspected when I looked at my bank balance the other day and had more than I thought I did. They are going to give me £400 a month. Which seems like a lot. It seems sort of ungrateful to even be shocked by it, and I'm not unhappy about it, I just...was not expecting that. They're going to give it to me until next April, the beginning of the next tax year, so I don't know if it'll continue after that, but. Wow.

I would feel a lot better about it, but ever since I sent off the form I have been worried that I accidentally confused Contribution-based and Income-based Jobseeker's Allowance. I know that they probably actually looked into my circumstances and tax records/national insurance information, and maybe that part didn't even make that much difference, but I'm still super-paranoid that I'm going to be accused of fraud somewhere down the line. I'm going to call the helpline tomorrow and just double-check. But if all goes well that's...very comforting. A lot more than I was expecting.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
So the Jobcentre finally paid me. They paid me £600. I was only really looking to see if the £140 I was expecting had gone in. Part of me's worried it's a mistake and I'll have to give some of it back. If not, all I can think is that they decided to backdate my claim like I asked them to, and haven't let me know yet.

But yeah. Wow. I had £10 in the bank last week, and this week I have £1000.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
The more I think about it, the less the temporary work thing makes sense to me. Because if I actually do find temporary work, I'll have to come off Jobseeker's - and the whole point of it at the moment is to stay on so I can get some help up until my job starts, bus passes and the like. I could look for work that's under 16 hours, so I can stay on benefits - but there's not a lot of that out there, and I'm not sure that's the kind of job hunting the Jobcentre are really happy to pay out for. Plus I've got holidays planned in October, and I'm going to have to do some training shifts for my permanent job. So I think I'm going to put it on hold for now, and discuss it with my advisor tomorrow.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I am now onto applying for a job on the NHS website. It has all these weird pages where you just basically insert new entries for every qualification you have or job you have had. It told me to only put the relevant qualifications down, but didn't say which ones were relevant, and now it's asking about my most recent job and I don't know if volunteering counts. I'm going to assume it does.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I have decided to livepost my first day of job-hunting, out of misery.

First up: referring myself to Rightsteps again, as my job advisor suggested. I looked up their phone number at about 11 o'clock. It turns out you can't really apply over the phone anymore, you have to fill in an online form. The thing I love to do. I called them anyway, but by the 5th 'would you like to stay on hold?' message I decided to give up. So I am currently doing a virus scan on my computer, because I freak out about filling in personal information otherwise, in order to do that. I was going to have to do that anyway, for job applications. In the meantime, I am reading the work diary my advisor gave me, which is mostly about all the sanctions they can and will apply to you. The minimum is 4 weeks, rather than the 1 week it was last time I was on Jobseeker's. The maximum is 156 weeks. Three years.

Also they have removed the part about how you can't apply for JSA if you've received an ESA payment within the last calendar month from the 'are you eligible?' page. Which is odd. I'm definitely sure I saw it. That might hurt my claim to have my JSA backdated a little bit, although that probably wouldn't have gone through anyway, I was not 'actively seeking work'.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
My Jobcentre appointment was awful. Apparently, since the last time I was on ESA about 6 years ago, it's become a much stricter regime - to the point that you're expected to spend five hours a day searching for jobs, or filling in application forms, ideally with the government's jobmatch website open so they can monitor your activity. Given that filling in forms is one of the things that still triggers my OCD, and that I'm not even looking for 25 hours of paid work, this is really not what I was expecting or hoping for. So I cried pretty much throughout the appointment.

Luckily, the advisor I was seeing was also a disability advisor - the one who trained the disability advisor I used to see while I was on ESA, in fact - and she was very sympathetic. She said she'd put me on her disability caseload, and I could have all my appointments with her since she knew about my problems, and they could restrict some of the requirements since there were greater barriers for me getting back to work than a lot of people. She also suggested I go back to therapy, since I was obviously 'still very emotional'. We had a long talk about my circumstances, and she suggested a lot of things - getting my parents to help me, getting family therapy - a lot of which were kind of no-goes, but some of which should be helpful. So. We'll see. I knew the Conservatives were fuckers, and I suspected that Jobseeker's might be more demanding now than when I used to be on it - but even thinking about what I used to do, essentially just apply for three jobs a week, made me anxious, so this was really out of the ballpark. But. We'll see. I'll give it a go, and we'll see how it goes.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I just got home from a shift at the Hospice. Found a letter waiting for me from Universal Credit. Apparently, 'the benefit is only just being rolled out and at this time you do not qualify'.


When I was applying online for Jobseeker's Allowance - which I was encouraged at every possible opportunity to do - it literally shut down the claim form and sent me to the Universal Credit site as soon as it thought maybe I qualified for that instead. So I'm just going to have to call them and insist they do it over the phone. And not take no for an answer. At least, the letter says that if I claim for Jobseeker's (within a month), they will take the date of my claim as the date I claimed for Universal Credit, if I show the letter I've got. But still. Fuck's sake.

girlofprey: (R for raygun)
It's hard to find time for porn, video games, and all the other practical things in my life I kind of need to do. Also writing. And soaps. I'm falling very behind on soaps at the moment. We stopped watching them during the holiday, and then there were the Olympics, and now this. I'm meant to be doing a soap podcast again in a few weeks, too.

On the plus, I did find a really incredible fic for a fandom I have no interest in getting involved in - which is sometimes the best combination you can manage, since you're not spending all your time thinking 'this isn't the fic I really wanted, though', or 'I don't think [character X] would have phrased it exactly like that. Essentially, I was looking through a kink tag, found a new fandom and pairing with a dynamic I enjoyed through that kink tag, decided to read all the fic for that pairing, and then found a really good fic that was actually a turn-on and restored my faith in slash fic of the moment. Also there is genuine video online of that (RPF) pairing, where one of them is spoon-feeding the other one pudding for the pleasure of the audience. So that was nice.

I was hoping after that video from the weekend that the tags for my pairing from the Let's Players would be flooded with serial killer!AUs (with fluff), and carrying fic. Sadly that hasn't happened yet. But maybe it's in the works.

Yesterday I finally got around to applying for benefits again. It turned out my last ESA payment was on the 20th of last month, not the 15th, so I couldn't have applied before this weekend anyway. But it was probably some of the least fun I've ever had. First off, it told me I couldn't have Jobseeker's Allowance, I qualified for Universal Credit because of my postcode. Then - having taken me to the Universal Credit page - it said I could make a full claim if my postcode started with a certain set of numbers and letters. It didn't, so it said I could make a partial claim if I lived in 'one of the below areas', and gave me a list. I didn't live in any of them. But the form had said I qualified for Universal Credit, so I started an application anyway. And it turned out I did. Way to make applying for benefits accessible and easy to understand, Conservatives. Anyway, then I actually got to fill out the form - woo! - and it involved needing to know my parents' exact dates of birth and whether they received any benefits at all, and then exactly how much money I had in total. My online banking decided to break at that exact moment, so I ended up having to guess from recent bank statements. They didn't really say how specific I had to be, but whatever. But finally I actually submitted the form - and it gave me some details about what would happen from then on. Which was really nice, but mostly what I learned was that I'll be getting paid £100 less than I did on ESA, and I probably won't receive any payment until October 5th at the earliest.

After I submitted the form, the page took me directly to the government's job-seeking page. I already had an account on there, so I signed in and had a look. I spent a few minutes wading through jobs it suggested for me in Rotherham and Manchester, and then tried a different searchword and almost immediately got offered a zero-hours contract.

Then today I got some ice-cream, and tried to play a free trial of a game I got offered, which ended up taking 3 hours to download. Still. Joy.

I am still working on my Dragon Age fic. I really want Zevran to be involved, and I have an idea for how he could be, but I don't think I could make it believable with other characters involved in the fic. I would also like Morrigan and Wynne involved. And I thought maybe Leliana, but she would literally just talk all the time about how great it was my character was part of the Chantry now, and not understand when my character wanted to have her own beliefs in private, and when Loghain found out there was a literal Orlesian spy in the court he'd probably just kill everyone. So, there's that.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
The holiday is on Friday. I'm feeling a bit better about it - mostly because D from the Hospice called asking me to work that week, and I realised there really were less fun things I could be doing. Apparently our boss is off - she has regular problems with her nerves, and I'm guessing that's the issue since I was being called for a shift two weeks beforehand. Which is probably not making things very easy for D, who was only supposed to be working ad hoc and a couple of shifts a week while the building work was happening. But that's how it is, unfortunately. At least there are no patients in that might be affected by any turmoil. Anyway. I still think, as I realised last week, that my ideal holiday of the moment would be a week away with just me and my parents, or a week here with just me and my parents. Just a nice long time without my nephews coming down or any childcare at all. But like I say - I've realised there were less fun things I could be doing. Also I got really excited to see Suicide Squad, and that's out literally on Friday, and not something I could really take the kids to see as a fun activity while we're away. Well, there's a midnight showing on Thursday. But I don't I'd enjoy what that would do to my sleep schedule. Also there's a good-looking game that everyone's been excited for for months out next Tuesday, so I can't try it out myself and form my own opinions before the internet makes up its mind. But I can wait.

Luckily I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, to review my medication, which will be a good chance to get it renewed before it runs out next week. Assuming she continues my medication, but I don't see why she wouldn't when it's working really well for me. And then - god it's weird how packed my schedule feels, when there's not really that much in it. I've got the holiday next week, then I'll probably be back at the hospice, then at the end of August we'll be going to Insomnia, a games convention, then it'll be September and my sister's birthday and Back To School. And then it'll be October, when I have two trips with LJ pals lined up. And then it'll be practically Christmas. I guess I'm more amazed at how time flies.

I did finally get on and try to apply for Jobseeker's online. It turns out I can't apply if I've received ESA in the last calendar month. Which is really weird, when the guy who called to tell me about my assessment decision offered to transfer me to the Jobseeker's department there and then. But anyway. I have to wait. Which I discovered after quite a lot of confusing searching. Thanks, government. I guess I can start looking for work though.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
lkjkhjkjhk. I have things to say, but no real drive to make a proper post about them.

I went to the Jobcentre today, to try to get on Jobseeker's Allowance. Time is moving on, and if I ever want to be able to afford another video game again I'm going to need to get a job, or at least be on benefits. I walked into town today to go into the Jobcentre, and they told me I needed to call the Jobcentre phone line and apply on there. I came home, called the phone line, and they said I needed to apply online, unless I don't have internet access. So. As soon as I'm done doing a virus scan, so I can feel secure about typing out my personal details, I'll get right on that. Unless they tell there's somewhere else I need to apply.

My cat is poorly. A little bit poorly. Last night she came in and was just sort of laid in the corner of the room, and when my parents tried to move her into the garage so they could go to bed, she was walking funny. She was a lot brighter this morning, meowing at me to stroke her, but she was obviously still walking oddly, and not even attempting to jump up onto anything. She's probably just had a bit of a knock and is fine, or will be with a bit of rest, but I'm worrying about her, especially when she wanders off on her own. Mum also pointed out we're going on holiday next week, and she'll be on her own mostly that week as well. Which mostly just reminded me that holiday is coming up. And just - eh. When I think about going on holiday, to Flamborough, and having a week by the seaside and a bit of a break from computer games, I'm really looking forward to it. When I think about going for a week to the seaside with my three nephews, I just feel exhausted. A part of me would be thrilled if my parents just suddenly announced they were taking my sister instead of me, and I could stay home and have my own little holiday in the house, by myself. I'm sure it'll be fine. The fact is, if they took my sister, it'd mean more work for them - or at least more arguments, and probably less help. And if I just didn't go, it would definitely mean more work for them, and they'd be outnumbered. It's just - hard to think of it as a holiday, when I know it'll just be childcare and refereeing my nephew's fights for a week. Also, we'll be going in my mum's big car, because you can rearrange it so it has seven seats. Said big car has been all over the news, because apparently a bunch of them are defective and burst into flames for no reason, and they have to take ours in to have it checked in August, after the holiday. And the last time we went on holiday, they realised there was no room in that car for all the luggage AND the seven seats, so I had to go on the train. So. There's those cheery facts.

I went to see Ghostbusters again at the weekend. A part of me wants to go see every week until I am sick of it, or until it's out of cinemas - but another part of me doesn't really want to be sick of it. I still love it. I love almost everything about it. I love that it is a genuinely good film, with a plot that moves along, and characters that are coherent from beginning to end. I love the way they made it attractive to kids without making it awful for adults, and how colourful it is. I love Erin. I love that she had a proper hero moment, of running into city streets where a disaster was happening, while everyone else was running away. Chris Hemsworth - is not the best thing in the film - but I love how he just resisted the urge to go full Thor. He must have had so much fun. I love that they made the bad guy a proper bad guy, and they it clear he hated people, and wasn't just lonely. I love "don't compare me to the mayor in Jaws". A lot. It's a shame that they often went the Sassy Black Woman route with Patty. And that whole scene where she held Holtzmann up one-handed, when she was only one storey up and could have happily jumped to the floor, and run back up the stairs to help with the fight. But I still loved her. And they actually gave her a character and background and stuff. Hopefully they'll do even better with her, or more character stuff, in the sequel, which I am hoping there will be. I WANT TO BUY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH GHOSTBUSTERS. All the lego toys.

Coronation Street )
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
And then my assessment didn't happen.

I took the paracetamol, but I was still feeling really rough by the time I got to the office. In a fair amount of pain and a little bit spacey, and I felt a little sick when I got into the stuffy waiting room. I wasn't sure if they wouldn't rearrange the appointment just for that, to be honest, since they clearly weren't going to get an assessment with me in top form and focused. But as soon as I got there, the woman at the desk said "there's a bit of a delay, do you mind waiting?". I find waiting while I'm feeling rubbish pretty unpleasant, so I asked how long the wait might be, and she just said 'why don't you wait for a bit, and then if you're uncomfortable waiting any longer we can make you another appointment?'. I waited for about 20 minutes, and then she called me back over and said the woman I was due to see probably wouldn't be available for another 40 minutes, so would I like another appointment? I said yes I would. Then she called up the appointments people, and their system was down, so I guess they weren't having a great day overall. So I'm just going to get another appointment in the post, and she said rearranging wouldn't count against me or anything, because the delay was their fault. So. I could be having an assessment on Friday, or in 3 weeks time. I just don't know. But it's still pending.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Wow. The UN is apparently holding an inquiry into abuses against disabled people's human rights by the Tory government. humanity...restoring?

Christ, I just read some of the article and it says the government have known about this since 2013. It puts their desire to rewrite our human rights laws into an even more disgusting light.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Hello. I want to give you my life news, but all I really have is video game news. So here we go:

  • I didn't think I'd gotten to the point yet where I'd buy a console purely because it is pretty, but this orange PS Vita from Japan is beautiful and I'm genuinely thinking about importing it.

  • I played a new game last week called Until Dawn and I love it. It's a sort of choose your own adventure about 8 teenagers trapped in a horror movie situation in a remote ski lodge. And it is actually brilliant. Just the acting and characters are great, the pacing is great, the story has a lot of holes in it once you finish the game and look back but you don't really notice during the game because the pacing is so good, and it's scary and it's atmospheric and the graphics are both really attractive and really suited to the story and gameplay. It's probably the first new game I've really enjoyed playing on my PS4, enough to drag me away from my PS Vita and Wii U. And one of the characters is a headcase, and I love him. So yes. That's my new fandom.

  • Fannish conversations are really hard to have on Tumblr.

Other than that, I'm having my scan tomorrow. I have to do the whole 'drink a pint and a half of water and try not to wet yourself' thing, but at least it's here and then it will be over. I was alright with the one I had at 18, so it shouldn't be too bad.

I'm trying to eat less chocolate, because my dentist said my teeth are slowly getting worse even though I'm on the strongest prescription toothpaste available, and all I can think is it's the chunky chocolate bars I eat, or the Ben and Jerry's I sometimes have with hard little nuggets of chocolate in them that I like to crack. I'm not really ready to give up chocolate, so I'm just trying to cut down for now. And I think I'm feeling better, overall. I had a couple of weird days of just being constantly restless and looking for crisps or fruit, something high-energy, to eat, but now I feel a little bit...I don't know. Less bogged down, I guess. Slowly but surely, feel like I'm making my way to a semi-healthy (for me) lifestyle.

Oh, and a nice thing that happened in the last few weeks is I had a Jobcentre interview with my disability coach woman, just to check in. She called at 9am when I was still mostly asleep, but it went well, and when I asked if I was due another assessment anytime soon, she said my file was currently saying September next year is when the next one was due. Obviously that's just a placeholder, and they could randomly call me up a lot sooner, but chances are good I won't be having one in the next few months, and suddenly getting cut off just before Christmas or anything. Which is a nice bit of breathing room. And honestly, I'm really grateful for the position I'm in right now. I've successfully gotten on ESA, my mum and dad are happy for me to stay with them while I sort myself out. I know that right now a lot of people in this country aren't in anything like as good a position, and I really know that I'm lucky. Hopefully by the time I need to find work I'll be ready for it again - I might even be ready before the next assessment's due.

I've been asked to join in on a soap podcast, a Corrie-only one after the live episode, with the people I've been talking with on Tumblr. Probably not just to sit there and tell them all they're wrong and why they're wrong for an hour, but still. If I can figure out Skype, I might well do it. I do like soaps enough.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
  • I am on my period and yesterday I was in so much pain, even with my pills, that I found it hard to stomach the idea of lunch until about 5 o'clock. I think I'm going to have to talk to my doctor or something about this, because even apart from all my mental health stuff, I can't imagine being able to work again and go through this every month. Like, I'm not sure what else I can do, I'm already on prescription medication so I don't know where else I can go except to something like codeine or a medically-induced coma every month. Neither of which would probably help me work. But feel like I need to ask something about it.

  • My volunteering place has gone off the radar again. I last volunteered a week last Tuesday, and I emailed them the next day to ask when I could come in again, since we didn't arrange it in-office. I suggested this Tuesday, but I got no reply, so I waited until Monday and then called three times and emailed again. No answer. I didn't go in and haven't heard anything from them. So. Hmm. All I can think is maybe they evaporated when I left them last. My CBT also finished last week, so I pretty much have no commitments at all right now. Which wasn't really where I wanted to be when I finished that stuff.

  • Speaking of my CBT, when I was in my last appointment my therapist recommended I re-refer myself to the service to have more therapy, since I still have some issues we didn't get around to working on and the waiting list in 9 months, so I may as well put my name down and see if I want it in 9 months. So I called them on Monday to do that, they said they'd call back to do an assessment on Wednesday. And then suddenly they started wigging out when I mentioned I'd only just finished a course of CBT last week. I had to be put on hold, then wait for a call from an actual therapist, then wait for a call from a supervisor, then wait for another call from the therapist again. In the end my referral's going through, I think, and they guy on the phone assured me I'd been 'very pragmatic'. They just didn't know how to encourage me to use the CBT stuff I'd learned to 'be my own therapist' when I was planning to come back, and they couldn't ask my therapist since he's off on leave. He did not make it sound like it would be this much trouble when we talked about it. So now I'm waiting a couple of weeks to apparently get a call from him when he gets back, to - as far as I can make out - talk about stuff we already talked about in my last session about relapse prevention and going forward and trying to use CBT on my own. So. Yeah.

  • The Conservatives want to further control what people on benefits do and how they spend their ill-gotten welfare money and are arseholes and I hate them

  • I once got so confused between the names 'Conservatives' and 'Tories' that I called them the 'Conservatories', and sometimes that's all I can think about when I talk about them.

  • In a move, or situation rather, that would probably infuriate the current government, I want to spend my money on all the things but I have to save it because a bunch of games I want to buy are coming out soon, hmph.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
The government is apparently failing at handling disability benefits. I'm thinking of starting a newspaper called 'The No-one-Is-Shocked Post'.

I was chatting with someone earlier about my bizarre Catholic highschool, and it got me thinking about the weird mural round the back which was either Jesus healing someone, or Jesus shooting someone in the head as they begged for their life. And now I want a show retelling the story of Jesus where he was a gangster, with a crew of 12. "That was how I met...The Disciples", and etc.

Judas could be a police snitch whose conscience finally gets the better of him, and Mary Magdalene could be an ex-hooker moll. It works out weirdly well. Unless that's just because gangster films are often told using religious themes. But maybe that's just another reason to do it the other way around.
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