girlofprey

Well. I went to pick up my prescription yesterday, and it was an adventure frankly. The storm that isn't quite happening is passing through, so we had wind blowing us around from the beginning, and blowing dust into our eyes - very unpleasant when you don't want to touch your face or wipe your eyes at the time. My mum came with me with our dog, so we had to deal with him sniffing every single inch of greenery along the way, like he does. We had a moment at the beginning where we passed some wisteria, and I really liked the smell, but mum couldn't smell anything, so I made a joke about whether she'd lost her sense of taste and smell, and she spent the rest of the walk trying to smell every flower we went past to make sure she hadn't. Sadly most of the flowers had no real scent, so we didn't have much luck for about twenty minutes, but finally she confirmed there was one she could smell.

We went by the train station to see what things look like now, since I might have to use it shortly, and it wasn't much different to be honest. There were a few Coronavirus posters up, and the car park was empty. A train pulled in, and we had a look, and there seemed to be some sort of notice on the doors, which I assume was telling people not to open them as the conductor could do that. So at least there are some new procedures in place. We walked off, and that was when I realised my foot was really hurting. I bought some new trainers a few months ago, and I really like them, but they've got higher tops than my old ones and the material's stiff, so it's been rubbing the back of my ankle for a few days. I put a plaster over it for yesterday's walk, and then my foot made very clear to me that the plaster had come off, so I had to go fix it, and then was hobbling the rest of the way. Wind blowing at all moments.

Finally we got to the pharmacy, and the last time I went it was empty. This time there was someone inside, someone else just outside the doors, and another woman walked us just as I got there. So I had to make use of the queue markers, but the woman in front of me didn't make full use of hers and was sort of stood between them, so I had to use the one slightly further back. It took a very long time, but finally the man in the pharmacy came out, and walked down the queue to get back out, instead of using the open exit to the barriers on the other side. Madness. A delivery man for APC turned up for the doctor's surgery, which is sort of attached to the pharmacy, and he didn't care about walking right up past the barriers we were all stood behind, and then he seemed really confused about the fact the doctor's surgery wasn't just open, and he had to press the buzzer to get someone's attention. The second man in the queue came back out of the surgery, and nearly walked down the line to get out, and I had to actually tell him the way out was behind him. He still had to try to argue, that he thought that was for people going to the doctor's surgery. But he left that way eventually. Finally it was my turn, and before I went in my mother called out to me I had to wait for them to signal me, but they weren't doing that, so I just hovered around the door for a bit while the mask-wearing pharmacist stared at me in confusion.

But I got my prescription! Painlessly. Then we could go home. I spent a little while sanitising my hands with the free 70% sanitiser I was sent the other month, and found it genuinely hard to cover all the areas I wanted to cover before the gel dried up. But I managed, using up a good chunk of my hand sanitiser in the process, and we walked home. On the way, one old woman coming the opposite direction down the pavement wouldn't even just stand to the side to let us pass with a bit of distance between us and her, and then we saw a jogger coming towards us down the narrow pavement who did the same. Why even jog on the pavements under the current circumstances? There was nothing even on the road at that moment, so he could have gone down the tarmac for a second. But he didn't.

And then we got home. It took us an hour and a half. It doesn't give me confidence for how well I'll cope if I have to leave the house every day for work. It's easy to be comfortable in your own house, when you know where everything has been, and if anyone near you has it you're probably going to get it anyway. Being outside the house for hours of the day will be a different matter.

I haven't called my manager yet. I was going to, but I want to plan exactly what I'm going to ask, and I want to ask it as tactfully as possible, and I don't know if he will give me a straight answer. Not that he'll keep information from me if he has it, but if he doesn't have it, he does tend to give me advice on worrying less and believing in people more, and about having anxiety, and basically just imply I shouldn't be asking the question. And shouldn't keep asking the question. Rather than admit he doesn't know something he probably should. And honestly, after my mental health call on Thursday and the trip out yesterday, I didn't have the energy. Mum is now trying to say I shouldn't call him on the weekend, because it's not working hours. I don't think it matters in the current situation. And I think the sooner I can get answers from him, and the sooner I can give him an answer, the better. And there's a lot to talk about. One of the other things the government are advising against - as well as public transport - is hotdesking. And literally all we do is swap people around the one reception desk to suit different shifts and breaks. That's a procedure that will need extra cleaning around it.

Other things I have done lately:

• Watched a lot of cat rescue videos from a channel in Korea, and done a lot of crying.


• Found out Moby Dick was based on a real whale. I knew it was based on a real incident, but not a real whale. His name was Mocha Dick.


• I love Jaws.


• Bought £118 worth of books I will probably now not be able to read, because I have to go back to work.


• Mum cut tufts off the dog's face, in lieu of an actual dog groomer. It turns out our regular groomer has been open throughout lockdown, and shouldn't have been.


• Enjoyed Animal Crossing, and also not enjoyed Animal Crossing.


• I went on the internet on Thursday and suddenly discovered there was a Borderlands 3 expansion reveal and a livestream on the new Sims 4 expansion happening out of nowhere, blessed I was with video game news.


• Found out my local games shop probably isn't open at the moment - I tried calling them a few times to ask what was up, and there was no answer, so I think the information on their facebook just hadn't been updated.


• Manfully (womanfully) resisted by the new Shark RPG game that's out, until I can hopefully buy it from them.


• Debated when I might actually be comfortable ordering things online from other countries again. Now? Next year?


• Considered buying everything Marks and Spencer's was offering me for the garden, like a sunbed and fire pit, to try to jazz up our stay-at-home summer. Although if the weather's like it was on Wednesday, I think I'll be quite glad to stay at home.


• My dad, who has replaced all our crockery with new grey ones, has now decided to replace our back lawn with articial grass. I don't know why he wants this to be a house with no life in it. I'm buying the most colourful pictures I can.


• Watched all the livestreams and don't know if I enjoyed them or not.


• I got home yesterday and realised the wind had pulled an entire poster down from my wall while I was out. I have left it there until I feel like dealing with it.


• Tried to buy brownies from my usual place online, now I feel more calm about buying online cold food, only to discover they're either making them at a reduced pace or getting a lot more traffic than usual, because they keep telling me everything's sold out, and to try again on Sunday. This is also what they told me when I tried to buy some last Sunday.

I think I might be about to have kind of a period? Or my body thinks I am? I was missing my pill or taking it late for a week or so there, giving everything that's been going on, and now I'm getting all the signs of an impending period. Achy lower abdomen. Spots. And one boob that is much more achy and sensitive than the other one. Naturally I'm worrying about breast cancer, but this has very much happened before, so I know it's most likely to be hormones. But I've taken my pill much more regularly for the last week, so...we'll see what happens. What a journey for my body to go on.

The dog also bit me. That was a shame. I was trying to direct him into the living room while mum cooked the dinner, and he wouldn't go and ended up pushing past me to hide behind her legs, and so I got annoyed and went to pick him up, and he snapped at him. Then did it again when I reached for him again. Didn't break the skin, but still very much bit me. Don't really know what to do about that. I haven't been speaking to him, and then this morning he came and laid on my feet, and I ended up pushing him away, and he initially went to bite me again. So that's fun.

Dad went to get the shopping the other day, so mum didn't have to leave the house again, and it went about as well as can be expected. I have to eat a steak and kidney pie tonight. Also he seems to be buying things for the kids, "just in case the worst happens". One of his workmates is in hospital on oxygen. It's no-one dad's seen in weeks, but still. I kind of get it, given some of the stories that have come out lately, but also I feel like he'll be buying mum and me funeral clothes next.

I found this site about Chinese philosophy of balancing your body with nature and the seasons, and eating things that suit spring, and I would kind of like to start trying it. But I don't drink the wines they're recommending, and I don't know where to get azuki and edamame. Also I don't cook. I'm going to ask whoever goes shopping next to get me some cherries and plums, and maybe some sour cream and chive pringles.

Well, what a time I am having with the trains at the moment. Good god. I think my train to work has been significantly late, or cancelled, every day this week. Yesterday, they had us on a replacement bus service. Which couldn't even get to the train station, because up a lane people like to park bumper-to-bumper on, on both sides of the road. It's to the point I don't even feel like I have to apologise anymore. If I'm late it's because of trains. Trains bad. It's been almost as bad, and more disheartening, in the evenings when I'm just trying to get home. And then tonight I went out for a meal, tried to get a twenty past nine train home (for literally a five minute rail journey), and it was delayed by 35 minutes. I was close to ordering a taxi, but my phone was dead so I'd have to ask to use some restaurant or bar's phone, and I literally just yesterday paid £120 to renew my travel pass for the month. Which doesn't feel like it's worth it at this point. Jesus Christ. Is the North no longer capable of railways? Is Britain no longer capable of railways? Are Northern Rail's carriages just failing en masse, and they're too embarassed to tell us, so they're just spreading the three carriages they have left out as far as they can? For fuck's sake. This is ridiculous.

However, Virgil's Black Cherry Cream Soda is wonderful, and worth a trip to Pizza Hut by itself.

Well, I tried to go to my doctor on Friday. I woke up at five past eight, which wasn't bad considering I'm not great at even getting up later than that at the moment, and I fought through many an engaged dialtone to finally get to speak to someone at around quarter past eight. I explained my issues, and she went on hold, and then she came back to basically tell me that usually a problem like that would be seen by their AMT - whatever that is - but at the moment she was off sick, so they suggested I go to the Urgent Treatment Centre instead. The Urgent Treatment Centre is what we have now instead of an A&E in our town - I lied before when I said I went to the A&E over my eye, the powers that be have decided that a UTC is all we're getting at the moment. So they basically told me to go elsewhere. And I'm not quite sure even now if they meant "we have no more doctor's appointments left for today, and the other woman who could see you is away", or "your problem doesn't qualify you for a doctor's appointment at your own GP surgery, you'll have to go elsewhere". So that wasn't a brilliant outcome.

But in the end, I decided not to go to the UTC. My eye is looking better to me, although it's still a bit red and sore and puffy, but it doesn't look worse than it did before or even really different, and I'm not really happy to go wait in the UTC for what I assume are A&E waiting times, just to be told once again there's nothing they can really do about it, I'll have to just let it heal on it's own. So I'm just going to take my ibuprofen and anti-histamines and whatever for a few days and see how it goes. Happily, I have the next three days off, so if it's still looking a bit weird on Wednesday or something I might go down and just get it checked out, and hopefully things will be easier on a weekday at least. Or I guess I could try my doctor's surgery again. For whatever that might get me.

Other than that, things are going - okay. I don't know. I was really struggling all week to get to work while my parents are away - as much as I really enjoy having the house to myself while they're away, I am pretty used to my mum being around when I go to work, so if I run out of time I can ask her to do some stuff for me so I can set off. Not so while she's away. If I'm making a sandwich, and I leave any stuff out after doing so, it's just going to sit and go off all day, so I can't really do that. I had to go out without feeding the cat a couple of times, which made me feel awful. But then another time I stayed longer than I should to feed her, only for her to wander off and go outside, so she was locked out all day and couldn't eat it anyway. Damn cat. I actually missed the train on Wednesday, and I had to run for it every other day, and my attitude to myself wasn't great during all of those issues. So I'm pretty glad I have most of next week off work, so I don't really have to do that. Only two days next week, and then two days into the following week my parents will be back, so it'll be less of a concern. But yeah. I have been struggling lately, and I've particularly struggled with that.

But while I'm off things are a little different. Still not great, because I'm going through some mental health stuff, and my counsellor has had a baby so he's now off work until October. When he talked about this repeatedly and said he might have to 'run off' at some point, I thought "oh yes, he might have to run off if she goes into labour, to be at the birth". I didn't think about paternal leave, which is what he's actually taking. So I'm a bit without support at the moment, and for a few more weeks at least. Which doesn't make me feel super. The employment support guy he put me in touch with, when he finally called, basically just left a message on my phone - which I didn't even hear ring to be honest - and I keep meaning to re-listen to it and take his number and call back, but...he hasn't called me back. And it's been nearly too weeks. I was hoping for a little more enthuasism out of the guy to like, help me. So that's not really going anywhere at the moment. And I'm feeling a little guilty in a way, for how much time off my boss is currently arranging for me, given that my plan is really to leave that job as soon as is humanly possible. But I do need it. So I can't really feel too guilty for that.

I'm eating a lot of take-out at the moment, and no-one is around to judge me, so that's pretty happying. It was not my plan, but last Monday my mum actually went into town and said she was getting stuff for me for the rest of the week, and then only got stuff for two days, so I was left a little bereft. Still. Barbeque sauce and onion ring burger, duck in black bean sauce, and chicken and barbeque sauce pizza. Mmm. And it hasn't even given me and digestive problems yet.

So I'm just sort of plodding along. Playing some Spider-Man. Trying to relax. Doing my best for the cat, but also kind of keeping her at arm's length at the moment, because I don't need the anxiety of any of her body parts getting near my eye. And doing my best. And I have a few more days to do my best before I even need to be back at work. So that's pretty good. I might go do a thing that is nice. Who knows.

House is so cold. The boiler people haven't been, and my dad said when he calls he can't even get into the queue to be connected to anyone else. So it seems like it won't be fixed any time soon. But my bedroom's lovely and warm, and I might never leave. And apparently by Monday the temperature is going to be 6 degrees again, which seems like an impossible dream at the moment, but might make things feel a little better until we can get it fixed.

Because it's so cold, I'm having a Chinese takeaway tonight, in the hopes the rice will warm me up. Unfortunately, it's not even coming till 9pm, so my plans to watch the Alien films this weekend - because I've been hearing about them lately, and only remember bits and pieces of them, and Ripley is rad - might have to be put on hold for tonight. Oh well. Prawn crackers.

Well, today was an interesting day food-wise. My mum was working yesterday, one of her really long shifts that goes from 11.30am to 11.30pm, so she couldn't do a big roast obviously. Instead she...completely forgot to get me and dad anything to eat when she went shopping. She says because she wasn't planning to eat any big meals while at work, she just sort of thought me and dad wouldn't need any either. So while we were at Cannon Hall Farm we had to pick something up from their farm shop - happily they did a few microwave meals, including homemade moussaka, so we had those. And then she forgot that she actually would want to do a roast sometime over the weekend, and didn't buy any lamb. But she still decided she wanted to a roast today, so her and dad had to go out this morning to buy some. But we always have a sort of tradition of having a chinese takeaway on Bank Holiday Mondays, which mum figured we'd be doing - and then decided we should still do even after she decided she'd make a roast. So for a while it looked like our meals today would be 1) big roast and vegetables for lunch, 2) chinese takeaway for dinner. Plus we still had my birthday cake and easter chocolate to get through. I'll be honest, I found it a bit daunting. But then shortly after we had lunch, mum decided we maybe shouldn't have a chinese takeaway tonight, and we should maybe wait till later in the week. So now that's pencilled in for Friday. I don't know if she's remembered we're meant to be going and having a pub lunch on Sunday, as it's the week after she's gotten paid (another tradition of ours). I don't know, given all of this, whether that would put her off the idea or not. I don't know. I'll just have to wait and see what happens when she realises, or...see what food crosses the table, I guess.

Also, my dad finally ordered me a new mattress today, after months of me talking about it and my parents swearing they'd pay for it. I won't have to sleep on a crunchy bed for very much longer!

Did I ever tell you about my favourite David Platt/Coronation Street AU? I probably didn't, so here it is. My favourite Coronation Street AU is inspired by/stolen from the film Irresistible, starring Susan Sarandon and Emily Blunt, which I caught on TV last night. These are SPOILERS, but essentially it's about a woman whose life starts falling apart after a younger woman, who works with her husband, comes into it. She suspects the woman is messing with her, stalker-style, and it turns out she's right - because the younger woman is the daughter she gave up for adoption years before, who had to grow up in the care system and never forgave her mother for it. And also just wants her mother back. There is another twist, but it's not part of my AU and I won't reveal it here.

So my favourite Coronation Street AU is the one where instead of trying to have an abortion when she was pregnant with David, Gail just decided to go away somewhere Martin wouldn't find out what she was doing, have the baby, and give it up for adoption. And then 18 or 19 years later, David turns back up on the street, keeping his identity a secret so he can spy on Gail and her family, avoid being rejected again and fuck with mercilessly without them realising who's doing it or why. While being equal parts furious with Gail - especially when he finds out about Nick and Sarah - and desperately, almost ferally affection-starved and aching for any scrap she might throw his way.

When I first thought of this AU, I was so enamoured of it I carried it through to an "adoption" and "Gail and her family are EVIL" AU - I don't know why the Roberts-Tilsley-Platts appeal to me as a crime family, but they do. So David would have deal with the fact that they were worse than him but not quite as twisted, and them constantly harping on about how important family was to them, when he was living proof it wasn't true. And then I carried it on to an "adoption", "Gail and her family are EVIL" and "superpowers" AU. I don't know why. I was very into superpowers for a while. What was nice about that scenario though was that if you're saying superpowers are hereditary and fairly rare, then Gail's evil superpowered family would be cursing their bad luck to have gotten into this inexplicable feud with a crazy teenage boy who ALSO has superpowers - without realising that the fact he has superpowers is essentially the point, and really ought to be a pretty big clue.

I love David Platt.

We had Chinese takeaway tonight, and I had a duck meal that was cooked in Hot Chilli and Garlic. Now my tongue won't stop feeling dry no matter how much water I drink. My mum claims water won't help with chilli, only milk will do. I hardly ever drink milk and am not planning to now. Hmph.

And tomorrow, I might be having an appointment with a guy, but I'm not entirely sure. Before my holiday I got picked up by a new mental health service, and met the Worker I'm going to be having. We were supposed to be meeting on Tuesdays, but obviously I couldn't while I was on holiday, and I told him the Tuesday after I came back might not be good either, which turned out to be a good thing since we came back at about midnight last Monday. He said something about how he might be able to see me on Friday, and would call me in the week. I did receive a call on Thursday, but unfortunately my phone died as I tried to pick it up, and I hadn't completely unpacked still so I didn't get my charger out until way later. When I did set it to charge, I didn't have any missed calls listed, so I couldn't try calling the number back, and I didn't have any messages. And no-one's called since then. So technically speaking, he's meant to be coming to the house tomorrow. But he hasn't called to say he is, or when he's coming if so. So I might be seeing him? Who knows. All I can think is that I should probably get up early tomorrow morning, and call the service to see if they know if anything's happening. I find it hard to believe he'd come round without actually speaking to me, or even leaving a message. But I find it equally hard to believe he'd just not bother and miss two appointments. So we'll see.

And I am all caught up with Welcome To Night Vale now. My favourite characters, other than Cecil, are Hiram McDaniels, whose name for me is like the man with the tan jacket's face, I can never remember it without looking it up, no matter how striking I think it is everyone time I read/hear it. And also Tamika Flynn. All hail Tamika Flynn.

( Spoilers for the latest episode )

Still lots and lots of moving. Not for me though, I stayed home and played Fallout 3. Which by the way, got depressing as fuck. And then more depressing as fuck. Poor Player Character. Still, I did manage to find a friend for her. Then they died. I went "lol, no" and reloaded a save.

I also have thoughts about Poltergeist: The Legacy, but they're probably not going to mean much to anyone if they haven't seen the show. Essentially, it's that I'm pretty sure half the programme is terrible because they have two characters (of five) that basically just look perturbed about things and angst and shout ineffectually. And weirdly, they're the two that have accents. I think maybe they were trying to go for 'mysterious and troubled' and ended up with 'pretentious and a bit rubbish'. On the other hand, it explains why even though I loved Nick and sort of slashed people at the age I was when I watched it, I never had a pairing for him. Because the two main options for it were both terrible. Only two of the characters (including Nick) really act like human beings. And the other one is pretty good, but they haven't really done a lot with her, five episodes in. She is the only black character. In some sad ways I'm not suprised.

My main complaint about Poltergeist: The Legacy though is that I'm pretty sure that after watching Season 1, I'm going to want to watch Season 2. I remember loving it a lot more, and it has some of the best episodes for my favourite character. Sadly, the only place you can legally get Season 2 at the moment is On Demand from Amazon.com, in America - where because it's On Demand, it costs sixty dollars. Which is about £40, plus shipping. And because it's On Demand, you can't really get it second hand or from anywhere else a bit cheaper. And my skills at getting TV from other sources are a bit rusty at the moment. Hmph.

I have to wait till mum gets home from my sister's before we can have dinner, because she's going to McDonald's and bringing it back with her. She called about an hour ago, and didn't say when she'd be home, and hasn't turned up yet. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh.

One of my main projects at the moment, other than playing the computer games I got for Christmas (and not for Christmas), is trying to find a joke 666theheartless666 tells in one of his Alan Wake videos. Except that I can't remember which one it is, and he has about 50 of them, pretty much all 10 minutes each. And there's nothing in any of the descriptions about that bit, and I can't exactly remember when it was, except the vague situation. Which is taking a while. It almost as bad as when I remember a joke I liked on an Adam and Joe podcast, and try to trawl through a couple of MB of them. Not quite as difficult as that. But still.

Besides that, the only annoying thing about having Christmas money is planning what you're going to spend it on, then realising you can't afford everything you're thinking about anyway, probably, and THEN remembering that actually, there's a bunch of stuff you kind of need to buy. Like a new desk chair, and jeans, and really, a Microsoft Office package at some point. However, I am definitely getting Scrubs season 9, Oz seasons 1 and 2, and one of the Oglaf paper copies. And there is just no argument about that. Also a trip to Lancaster. No doubt.

We have so much chocolate and dessert in the house, and I both feel like I can't eat it all, and feel like we're running out. Help.

So.

I spent a good part of last week off work sick, with period pains, and it's unfortunate that came just before the job finished. I went to the doctor and picked up some methanoic acid, although apparently Ibuprofen (which I assumed had pretty much the same effect as paracetamol) might have been a first place to start. But I have it now, so I'll see how things go next month.

I was unemployed for a whole day today. And slept in and didn't have a shower till the middle of the day. Which was fairly fitting.

I don't actually mind the prospect of a week off, except for the fact I won't be getting paid and don't have much money I need to go to the bank some time this week and sort out the transfer of my account from a Student account. Which they seem to have now spotted.

Yesterday, I made a bit of a step away from Tesco's, after a year or two of saying I wasn't going to shop there anymore. It turns out they're selling some shark fin products in their Thailand stores, and that struck me as a reason to finally boycott them. The problem is, the next nearest big supermarket is Sainsbury's, which is on a road parallel to mine, and there are no direct buses to it from my road. So it's a bit of a walk, or a matter of bus-hopping. But I did it yesterday, so we'll see how it goes. I haven't decided if it's actually more expensive at Sainsbury's or not.

Incidentally, Lush are now doing Shark Fin Soap (not made of sharks' fins), a portion of whose profits go to the Sea Shepherd organisation, which are now involved with shark conservation apparently. If anyone's interested in funding shark conservation while buying toiletries. It smells nice too. Lemongrass, I think.

In other news:

• I really love the new Eastenders advert. Although that could be because of Stacey in a maid's outfit.



• I love Toby De Silva. So much. He is BEAUTIFUL.



• You can buy In Deep DVDs at some Australian website. Who knew?