girlofprey

Yesterday I had a Jobseeker's appointment at 10am. I woke up at 9:23. Thankfully, it's only about a 20 minute walk from my house into town, so I jumped up, brushed my teeth, my hair, put on some clothes and whizzed out of the house. I made it to the Jobcentre for 10, then sat around waiting for my appointment. After fifteen minutes I was still waiting, and no-one looked like they were late with their appointments or in a rush or coming to see me any time soon. You're supposed to tell someone if you're waiting 15 minutes or more, so I double-checked my appointment time. And the appointment was actually for today. So I went home, and had some breakfast.

The reason I was probably so tired was because I decided to finally give myself a breast exam, which I haven't done in a few months. I never like to do them, because I get so wound up it ends up taking me a couple of hours, and I get so worried about checking everything that feels like a lump I usually end up hurting myself. I sort of need to get on it though, because I'm on the pill now, and the hormones will probably end up changing them a bit anyway, plus it slightly increases my chance of getting breast cancer. So I did one, rather than continuing to worry about the fact I hadn't done one in a while. It took me three and a half hours, and I hurt myself so much I was still getting really sharp pains the following morning. I get the feeling my technique is not the best.

Anyway. Overall, it has led to me feeling tired, still, today, and I had to get up for my actual Jobseeker's appointment this morning (which went fine). So now I don't know if I'm too tired for kickboxing tonight. I really ought to go, because I haven't been in over a month now, and I am planning to switch over to the Wakefield branch, so I need to at least call and tell my instructors about it. But I am tired, and it's sparring tonight, which is really high energy and involves keeping up with other people, and sometimes when I go and I am tired I start feeling really light-headed and like I'm about to pass out. Ugh. Maybe I will just call them. I'm definitely switching over though - I gave my notice in at the Hospice on Saturday. I'm going to miss it, but I just think I get more out of kickboxing (when I go regularly), so...life moves on. My boss woman is coming in to see me on Saturday if she can, since she's away during my last weekend. So yeah. It's a shame, but I think it's for the best.

Other adventures I have had this week: my mum was working on Monday, so I decided to go out and get Chinese takeaway for dinner. I forgot that our Chinese takeaway isn't open on Mondays, so I had to walk in the complete opposite direction to get pizza. On the plus side: pizza. On the minus side: ughhhhladkjaslkd.

Emmerdale is the worst at the moment. I can't believe Robron.

lkjkhjkjhk. I have things to say, but no real drive to make a proper post about them.

I went to the Jobcentre today, to try to get on Jobseeker's Allowance. Time is moving on, and if I ever want to be able to afford another video game again I'm going to need to get a job, or at least be on benefits. I walked into town today to go into the Jobcentre, and they told me I needed to call the Jobcentre phone line and apply on there. I came home, called the phone line, and they said I needed to apply online, unless I don't have internet access. So. As soon as I'm done doing a virus scan, so I can feel secure about typing out my personal details, I'll get right on that. Unless they tell there's somewhere else I need to apply.

My cat is poorly. A little bit poorly. Last night she came in and was just sort of laid in the corner of the room, and when my parents tried to move her into the garage so they could go to bed, she was walking funny. She was a lot brighter this morning, meowing at me to stroke her, but she was obviously still walking oddly, and not even attempting to jump up onto anything. She's probably just had a bit of a knock and is fine, or will be with a bit of rest, but I'm worrying about her, especially when she wanders off on her own. Mum also pointed out we're going on holiday next week, and she'll be on her own mostly that week as well. Which mostly just reminded me that holiday is coming up. And just - eh. When I think about going on holiday, to Flamborough, and having a week by the seaside and a bit of a break from computer games, I'm really looking forward to it. When I think about going for a week to the seaside with my three nephews, I just feel exhausted. A part of me would be thrilled if my parents just suddenly announced they were taking my sister instead of me, and I could stay home and have my own little holiday in the house, by myself. I'm sure it'll be fine. The fact is, if they took my sister, it'd mean more work for them - or at least more arguments, and probably less help. And if I just didn't go, it would definitely mean more work for them, and they'd be outnumbered. It's just - hard to think of it as a holiday, when I know it'll just be childcare and refereeing my nephew's fights for a week. Also, we'll be going in my mum's big car, because you can rearrange it so it has seven seats. Said big car has been all over the news, because apparently a bunch of them are defective and burst into flames for no reason, and they have to take ours in to have it checked in August, after the holiday. And the last time we went on holiday, they realised there was no room in that car for all the luggage AND the seven seats, so I had to go on the train. So. There's those cheery facts.

I went to see Ghostbusters again at the weekend. A part of me wants to go see every week until I am sick of it, or until it's out of cinemas - but another part of me doesn't really want to be sick of it. I still love it. I love almost everything about it. I love that it is a genuinely good film, with a plot that moves along, and characters that are coherent from beginning to end. I love the way they made it attractive to kids without making it awful for adults, and how colourful it is. I love Erin. I love that she had a proper hero moment, of running into city streets where a disaster was happening, while everyone else was running away. Chris Hemsworth - is not the best thing in the film - but I love how he just resisted the urge to go full Thor. He must have had so much fun. I love that they made the bad guy a proper bad guy, and they it clear he hated people, and wasn't just lonely. I love "don't compare me to the mayor in Jaws". A lot. It's a shame that they often went the Sassy Black Woman route with Patty. And that whole scene where she held Holtzmann up one-handed, when she was only one storey up and could have happily jumped to the floor, and run back up the stairs to help with the fight. But I still loved her. And they actually gave her a character and background and stuff. Hopefully they'll do even better with her, or more character stuff, in the sequel, which I am hoping there will be. I WANT TO BUY EVERYTHING TO DO WITH GHOSTBUSTERS. All the lego toys.

( Coronation Street )

I went to Fairburn Ings today with my mum and YN, which is our local RSPB reserve. It wasn't as sunny as it had been, but it also wasn't as insanely hot, and it was pretty nice, other than my nephew getting bored and being a little bastard. Also I bought some hedgehog food and have decided to start leaving some out, since we might have some in the area. I've decided not to tell my dad about this until it's established and the hedgehogs expect the food and there's nothing that can be done. Also I bought a bug/bee house, which came with some free wildflower seeds for your garden. I might try to figure out how to put those up also without dad noticing.

I had my ESA assessment the other week. It was late, as usual. They told me when I got in that I might be waiting at least half an hour, and I ended up waiting an hour. They offered me another appointment, and I could have taken it and just gotten paid for another few weeks probably - but I figured why bother, when that appointment would probably be late too, and I don't really want to be stuck in an endless loop. So I bit the bullet and waited for it. It went about how I expected. The lady was a little humourless, and I tried to be as honest as possible when answering the questions, while still making clear the problems I do have. She said it might take a couple of weeks, and I'd be paid until then - I got a call yesterday of somebody telling me the decision, and offering to talk me through it. I got 0 points, as usual, but it's not so bad this time. And certainly not unexpected. And it was nice to get a call I guess, rather than just the report. Happily, I was due a payment yesterday, and the guy said that had gone through, so I got a last payment at least, to tide me over. But I am officially off ESA now. I can appeal, of course, but I won't, I don't even feel like it anymore. So I'm going to need to go on Jobseeker's pretty shortly. Or find a job. Ideally, get a job either way.

I think I'm going to have to leave Tumblr, at least for a little bit. It's a shame because it's where fandom is at the moment, but the way it happens I just feel like I'm having arguments constantly. Without even saying anything. Of course, being in video game fandom feels like that anyway. People are going to need to learn the difference between sex, sexy and sexualised, or I'm going to start screaming. And all the Ghostbusters crap hasn't been fun. On the plus side, we got a great film out of it. On the minus side, every time I think I'm a horrible bitter person who hates the world, something terrible happens and I realise that I'm actually an incredible optimist. Which is to say that terrible things are happening to Leslie Jones at the moment, especially on twitter, because people are cunts. If any of you feel like doing anything to support her, that would probably be much appreciated right now.

Also I stopped playing The Witcher 3 and went back to Fallout 4. I'm so happy.

Emmerdale is swinging back and forth between moments of massive hilarity and extreme annoyance, dotted with the occasional moment of incredible beauty, right now. But on Coronation Street, they might finally make true the fact that David probably has PTSD. I loved Sarah wanting to look after him so much. I just want her to make him lie down on a bed with her, and put her arms round him and kiss his hair. I forget that he's the youngest sometimes.

I had an interesting weekend. We had a fire on my street. Which is really a cul-de-sac. I came down at 12.30 on Friday night - way too late to be up when I had to go to the Hospice the next day anyway - and my parents weren't downstairs, so I went into our garage and saw an orange glow and a huge plume of smoke. The engine block in our neighbour's car had set on fire, about half an hour after he'd come back home in it. Which is apparently a thing that can happen. Honestly, it was like a bonfire. Then we heard bangs, which I guess was the tire blowing, because when the smoke clear the car was all lopsided. So we all stood outside on the street waiting for the fire engine to turn up. Once it did it was all over pretty quickly, and thankfully not much else got damaged than the car. Their gutters are a little bit melted, and the plants of the neighbour next to them are a little bit singed, but somehow the car beside the other one on the driveway came out completely unscathed. The car that was on fire is completely fucked though. Like, the front is melted. Presumably they're getting that replaced pretty soon.

Then over the weekend I got a little sad. I asked mum and dad when they thought I'd be getting the money back that I lent them for the house. I'd already asked dad a few days before, and he got angry at me for asking. And the answer on Saturday was basically 'not any time soon'. They really went down to the wire to buy that house, and - as I suspected - the money going to my sister isn't stopping any time soon. Apparently she needs a new kitchen in the new house, and my parents are planning to pay for it. So that's about £2,500. So. Yeah. I mean, the terms were not clear for the repayment of the money, when my mum got me out of bed asking whether it would even be possible for me to transfer them the money, because they needed it by half past midday. But I really felt like it was meant to be a short-term, 'hand us the money and when we're paid in a few days we'll hand it back' kind of thing. Instead I'm left feeling like my dad just figured my savings account was a piggy bank he could raid. I think I got my point across that I'd been expecting the money back soon, and that it wasn't nothing to me to have it, just because I wasn't spending it. I liked having that security, and a little independence from my parents, too. Also probably got across what a risky venture I think buying my sister a house is, if it's going to take them down to the wire. Dad got annoyed at me again, and we were family, and families just do for each other. But I think I got how I felt across. Mum was talking about transferring some money over this week, and paying me back £500 for starters. So we'll see. Mostly I just wish they'd never asked me. That they'd never had to ask me. I wish I was just out of it, and it was between them and my sister. You know, no-one even thanked me for the money. I had to remind mum she might do that, after running around for her transferring things all morning, and dad asked me where the other thousand I had was. And my sister - blah.

Other than that, I haven't really had much to talk about, other than my ongoing perplexed feelings about The Witcher. It's such an odd game. I'm enjoying it, and I'm way more interested now in the story than I was, but it's such a slog. And the way everyone talked about it, I was really expecting kind of a masterpiece, but the story's quite trashy really. Lots of swooning, skinny sorceresses with their tits out, 'which one will he choose?' and etc. Mostly I'm doing what I do with most stories that kind of bore me, and imagining the kind of story I'd be writing. About a spectre king, and the gutter-rat mutated into a monster-slayer for hire, who keeps vaguely tailing him and foiling his plans. I'm enjoying that story.

And I've been catching up on Coronation Street. The football really threw me, and all those random hour-long episodes. But oh my God. David.

I'm doing another soap podcast tonight, so I won't be watching the episodes this evening. But I will be discussing soaps with people. Although, they've only caught up to May's episodes with Emmerdale, and they've stopped watching Coronation Street because they find it too boring (????!?!?!???). So I get to fill them in about Todd and Billy. Joy.

E3 is over. I am bereft of video game news. But - one of my favourite pieces of hardware currently is the PS Vita, Playstation's handheld, and people keep claiming it's dead, Sony aren't making any more games for it, there's no support, etc, etc. It's not dead - it's selling really well in Japan, so on the whole it's not going anywhere. It's just whether many more Western games will come out for it that's up in the air. But lately there've been a lot of announcements for games coming to it later this year - localisations of Japanese games, and little arcade-style games. So on the whole, I'm really pleased with it, considering it's supposed to be 'dead'.

It's father's day today. Which is always tricky, just because I have to spend so long choosing between cards that either have a really nothing-y message, or a really long poetic one and I'm like 'no, I don't feel that strongly about him'. But I managed to find a nice one that wasn't too over the top, and I'd bought him a present a few weeks ago. I forgot it was Father's Day, and he was out all morning with my MN at a football gala, and by the time he got back I was deep into Fallout 4, so I didn't actually give him any of it until about 5 o'clock. But when I did it was lovely. Now I have to start thinking about my mother's birthday, next Sunday.

I had a really weird dream last night, about a guy who was a shapeshifter and possibly a killer, and first off he turned up in a musical he shouldn't have been in, killing people, and then the musical was my life, or my friend's life, and he was turning up possibly killing people or possibly just taking over everything we were doing with his gang of friends, and sometimes I and all my old LJ crew were Lets Players and he and his friends were rival Lets Players, and he was trying to take our audience from us. It really chopped and changed between whether he was killing us or just being annoying and judging us. And sometimes I was a shapeshifter too and could fight him. But I also fancied him. There was a constant tension of "Is he going to kill us? Is he going to outdo us? Is he going to kiss me?". I think my brain's finally judging me for liking bad guys so much.

A list of fic I need to see for X-Men: Apocalypse:

• Charles/Apocalypse dubcon


• Peter and Erik daddy issues, possibly Erik saving Peter after finding out he's his dad while Peter's in danger, possibly Peter/Erik.


• Scott/Logan or Scott/Jean/Logan while Logan's feral.


• Ororo/Raven femslash, with Ororo hero-worshipping Raven.


• Raven and Kurt mummy issues.

Fandom isn't so good at providing these fics so far. I mean, there are some. But it's mostly Charles/Erik.

( Tonight's Emmerdale )

Also, I'm not thrilled with what Coronation Street are doing with Billy and Todd. Why wouldn't Billy just tell Sean about his brother? I was assuming the guy was a prostitute he slept with, when he was all worried about keeping his sexuality a secret, and he didn't think Sean would understand. You would tell someone you loved about an awful brother. Also, I think Todd and Billy work great as friends, with opposing sets of morals, and it seems like they're going to try to put something sexual in there, and ugh. Or just make Sean jealous, to throw a spanner in his and Billy's relationship. Or have things come out about the Platts and Callum, I guess. But it's annoying. I was really happy when Billy and Sean got together, and Sean got a nice boyfriend and a storyline of his own. And now it's just suddenly all about Todd. Ugh.

Robert Sugden did a little psychological child abuse on tonight's Emmerdale, and I went on Tumblr just to see if anyone else hated it, and it's mostly people posting about how funny and/or hot it was. I should have learned. But I haven't.