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Let me tell you about 2-second ships
Jan. 17th, 2013 11:52 pmThey are doing some genuinely weird stuff on Celebrity Big Brother at the moment. My mum watches it and I caught bits of it as I was walking to and fro - they've had one celebrity become the 'Dictator' of the house, complete with weird big hat and sunglasses, and they've had a bunch of the other housemates organise a 'revolution' against him. Wasn't it just this year or last year that people in Libya revolted against Gadaffi, and he ended up dying? Also, the housemate they picked to become the Dictator is the only one, beside the Americans, with a noticeably foreign accent. Make of that what you will.
But anyway. What I actually wanted to post about were two-second ships. And by two-second ships, I don't mean the ships you love for about two seconds. No, that bearable, because it only lasts about two seconds. The ones I'm talking about are the ships you have based - relatively - on about two seconds of canon. AND YET YOU LOVE THEM BEYOND WORDS. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person that feels like this. Sometimes I feel like it's what fandom is built on. But anyway.
I suppose what I really mean are those scenes in a TV show or book or whatever that are so suddenly, unbearably slashy that you suddenly take interest in a pairing, even though nothing else really appeals. The main examples I can think of from my own fannish history usually occur when there is a character in a fandom that I really love, but up to that point they've not had any obvious boyfriend (or girlfriend). EVEN THOUGH THEY DESERVE ONE. And then suddenly things get slashy with Background Character No. 8. However, I can only think of two examples from my own history, so chances are even I've broken that rule at some point in the past.
One of those examples was from Psychoville. I have no idea how many people have watched Psychoville, or want to, but in any case Season Two spoilers ahead. In season 2, they introduced a new character, played by Reece Shearsmith, who I've had a crush on since early League Of Gentlemen days. This new character was a librarian who saw visions of an evil clown sort of thing that ordered him to keep everything neat and ordered (in traditional League Of Gentlemen fashion). Most of his storyline involved a lost library book, and his increasingly obsessive and violent attempts to get it back. Then in one of the later episodes, he got caught by the police. And because of his past involvement with the main plot, he ended up being interviewed by this detective that WE knew was actually a psychopath murdering people on the whims of a terrifying company, because of their involvement with the main plotline. And they have this scene where the detective tries to get information out of the librarian by waving the no longer missing library book in front of him, and then spilling things on it, and finally threatening to burn it. The parts that hadn't had things spilled on them, I guess. And the librarian finally broke, and the detective put the book down so he could as him questions. And the librarian tried to grab the book reassuringly, and the detective just held it flat and gave him this look. And I couldn't. I JUST COULDN'T. That is the only scene they had together, and yet it remains INDELIBLY BURNED ON MY BRAIN.
The other major one I have is a pairing from Death Valley. I'm not going to go into details about that, because I still hold out hope someone else will watch Death Valley, and I'm not going to spoiler people for it. But yes. Essentially, I had a favourite character (who was occasionally rubbish), he had no obvious boyfriend, he suddenly got one and had about three scenes with him. AND I SHIPPED IT LIKE BURNING. I SHIPPED IT FOREVER.
It genuinely appalls and upsets me, even now, that there is no fic for these pairings. EVEN THOUGH THE SHOWS DIDN'T REALLY HAVE MUCH OF A FANDOM. EVEN THOUGH THEY ONLY HAD A FEW AND IN ONE CASE ONE SCENE TOGETHER. EVEN THOUGH I WAS ESSENTIALLY SPOILED WITH PETER SCHIBETTA/ADEBISI FIC. And then I think 'well, of course there's no fic for them'. And then I think about it again and think 'but why isn't there any fic for them???'.
So yes. Two-second pairings. Two seconds is all it takes apparently. They are the worst, because you can't even really defend them. Not even to yourself.BUT THERE SHOULD BE FIC FOR THEM sdfdjkhfdjksnx.
Mum and I and my ON and MN are meant to be going to a pantomime tomorrow night at 7 o'clock. Which, according to the local weather forecast, is exactly when the blizzards are supposed to hit us. We'll see how that goes.
But anyway. What I actually wanted to post about were two-second ships. And by two-second ships, I don't mean the ships you love for about two seconds. No, that bearable, because it only lasts about two seconds. The ones I'm talking about are the ships you have based - relatively - on about two seconds of canon. AND YET YOU LOVE THEM BEYOND WORDS. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person that feels like this. Sometimes I feel like it's what fandom is built on. But anyway.
I suppose what I really mean are those scenes in a TV show or book or whatever that are so suddenly, unbearably slashy that you suddenly take interest in a pairing, even though nothing else really appeals. The main examples I can think of from my own fannish history usually occur when there is a character in a fandom that I really love, but up to that point they've not had any obvious boyfriend (or girlfriend). EVEN THOUGH THEY DESERVE ONE. And then suddenly things get slashy with Background Character No. 8. However, I can only think of two examples from my own history, so chances are even I've broken that rule at some point in the past.
One of those examples was from Psychoville. I have no idea how many people have watched Psychoville, or want to, but in any case Season Two spoilers ahead. In season 2, they introduced a new character, played by Reece Shearsmith, who I've had a crush on since early League Of Gentlemen days. This new character was a librarian who saw visions of an evil clown sort of thing that ordered him to keep everything neat and ordered (in traditional League Of Gentlemen fashion). Most of his storyline involved a lost library book, and his increasingly obsessive and violent attempts to get it back. Then in one of the later episodes, he got caught by the police. And because of his past involvement with the main plot, he ended up being interviewed by this detective that WE knew was actually a psychopath murdering people on the whims of a terrifying company, because of their involvement with the main plotline. And they have this scene where the detective tries to get information out of the librarian by waving the no longer missing library book in front of him, and then spilling things on it, and finally threatening to burn it. The parts that hadn't had things spilled on them, I guess. And the librarian finally broke, and the detective put the book down so he could as him questions. And the librarian tried to grab the book reassuringly, and the detective just held it flat and gave him this look. And I couldn't. I JUST COULDN'T. That is the only scene they had together, and yet it remains INDELIBLY BURNED ON MY BRAIN.
The other major one I have is a pairing from Death Valley. I'm not going to go into details about that, because I still hold out hope someone else will watch Death Valley, and I'm not going to spoiler people for it. But yes. Essentially, I had a favourite character (who was occasionally rubbish), he had no obvious boyfriend, he suddenly got one and had about three scenes with him. AND I SHIPPED IT LIKE BURNING. I SHIPPED IT FOREVER.
It genuinely appalls and upsets me, even now, that there is no fic for these pairings. EVEN THOUGH THE SHOWS DIDN'T REALLY HAVE MUCH OF A FANDOM. EVEN THOUGH THEY ONLY HAD A FEW AND IN ONE CASE ONE SCENE TOGETHER. EVEN THOUGH I WAS ESSENTIALLY SPOILED WITH PETER SCHIBETTA/ADEBISI FIC. And then I think 'well, of course there's no fic for them'. And then I think about it again and think 'but why isn't there any fic for them???'.
So yes. Two-second pairings. Two seconds is all it takes apparently. They are the worst, because you can't even really defend them. Not even to yourself.
Mum and I and my ON and MN are meant to be going to a pantomime tomorrow night at 7 o'clock. Which, according to the local weather forecast, is exactly when the blizzards are supposed to hit us. We'll see how that goes.
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