girlofprey: (R for raygun)
The Clinton-Trump election cycle is just sort of amazing. Also horrifying. But, I would almost start having hope if I didn't remember the way my stomach sank the morning I realised we voted to leave the EU. The responses to all the allegations about Trump are terrifying, though. People genuinely pretending to care about rape survivors that Hillary obviously harassed, but also claiming that all the women accusing Trump must be lying. I don't even know what they think they look like.

My new duvet is still too hot. It seems ridiculous to change it now, when it's getting colder - and was genuinely wintery today - but still not very pleasant. And mum still wants to mess with the mattress some more, which is great, but I really having been sleeping much lately, and all I want to do is play video games, which I can't do on my PS4 if I can't sit on my bed. I don't even know what it is lately. I'm all over the place. I don't know if it's tiredness, or if something's making me tired, or what. It's something that often happens to me when I'm trying to split my focus in too many directions, but I don't know what that could be lately. Except maybe all the appointments I had this week. My plan is to get some sleep and play Fallout 4 until I feel better, at any rate.

I'm also considering whether or not to leave the Hospice. I was looking into other kickboxing classes, since I can't make the Wednesday night one anymore, and Wakefield is the easiest place to get to from Leeds, really. So I was looking if they had any classes on an evening I could get to, and it looks like they might have one on Saturdays. I'll have to call and check it is an actual class, but it looks like it. But it's at 1:45, and I work till 1 at the Hospice, so I couldn't really get there in time from there...and even if I could, I don't know if I really want so much of my weekend taken up when I'm working five days a week. So. I love the Hospice, and I really wanted to stay if I could, but kickboxing does more for me I think, and I've been wanting to do it since I was 15, and I don't really want to give it up. It's just thrown me a little bit. My boss asked me if I'd be leaving them after I got my new job and I said no, but if there's a chance I could carry on with kickboxing...I think I'm gonna have to take it. I'll call tomorrow and see if it really is doable.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I had my first filling on Monday. It wasn't my favourite thing that ever happened, but it wasn't as bad as I thought. My tooth still feels a little sensitive, but okay I guess. It's weird thinking some of it was deliberately chipped away. Anyway, then I got to spend 2 and a half hours in town, with a numb lip and not being able to eat, waiting for a doctor's appointment to get on the minipill. Which I now have. I took my first one today. It feels so odd, like such a big thing to be setting out to change my hormones and possibly not have to deal with painful periods anymore, which is a problem I've had since I was about 12 - but at the same time I probably won't be seeing any differences for at least a few weeks. Headaches are apparently a side effect I might get. Also the nurse told me it can increase your feelings of anxiety and depression, so. Super. And also mildly increases your risk of breast and cervical cancer, so. I have all that to look forward to or worry about. But it should mostly settle down within a few months, and if it works I can then just carry on with it. And I definitely had to do something. Taking a few days off every month for curling up in bed with stomach cramps was really not an option.

My sleep has been terrible lately. Mostly due to the incredibly hot duvet I'm currently using. I'm not enjoying the weather at the moment - it's getting colder, but it's still not cold, so people seem to not know what to do and just turn their heating up to the maximum anyway. So I'm constantly slightly too cold when I'm outside, and then slightly too hot when I get inside. Also we've had some monsoon-like downpours in the last couple of days. But it is autumn, which is nice. Anyway. My mum bought a new duvet for me and that's ready to go tonight, so hopefully it won't be an issue for much longer. It was a little cold the other night, so it wasn't too bad under my current duvet, but then last night I ended up having a weird anxiety dream about Deacon from Fallout 4 sleeping with my sister. And not just sleeping with her, but being so busy sleeping with her he/they failed to notice or help me with a problem I was having with a crazy stalker woman a floor above me. This comes shortly after a dream I had the other night, which was - I frequently have anxiety dreams about being told about or remembering a holiday at the last minute, and not being able to pack properly while my friends are on the verge of just going without me. But the other night I had a dream about having been on a trip, and then just not being able to go quickly enough. Not packing to leave quickly enough, and then wanting to go to the bathroom before getting on the train, and everyone just huffing around me. So that was fun. I would like less nightmares, essentially. And better sleep.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Ughh, I'm going on holiday tomorrow. Which is fine. Lovely. I'll probably enjoy it when I get there. But before that I have to pack, and it's a little weird because we're only going to Bridlington. Which is about an hour and a half away, on the coast. So we're still going to basically be in Yorkshire, and the weather is (*isn't) particularly summery at the moment. Much better than it being crazy hot, of course, but it's like, I'm going to be taking a lot of my summer/holiday gear, but I'll probably get the most use out of the clothes I wear pretty much day in day out. It's also kind of nice that if I feel like it's too much I can just take a quick train back home - but on the other hand, that sort of underlines the fact we're not going very far, which doesn't make it feel very holiday-y.

I have done a bit of shaving though, as usual. Just my bikini line, in case we go swimming. So that'll probably be growing back in and itching all week. It does kind of bug me that every time I go on holiday and need to look 'presentable' for all the activities I want to do, I end up in pretty huge physical discomfort. But I'm not even shaving my armpits or legs at the moment, so maybe I'll get over even the bikini line thing in time. Anyway - point being, it makes it feel a little holiday-ish. And I am sort of looking forward to it - imagining the looks on the kids faces when we get there. Before or after they all start arguing. Still. And packing shouldn't be too much of a pain, since I basically just need Regular Clothes and Holiday Clothes, and my parents mostly put all our stuff in binsacks, to save space in the boot. Plus, since it's so close and we can't even check in before one, we don't have to set off till pretty late morning at the earliest.

After the argument I was having online over the last few days, I ended up having a nightmare about my sister last night. So I'm a little tired today. And what with everything going on tonight I might not get much sleep either, and then I'll be in a new place which always makes it hard for me to sleep, at least the first night. So I'm not really looking forward to being super-tired over the next few days. But - I am mostly looking forward to it. We'll see how it goes.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
Finished Affordable Space Adventures. The last few puzzles made me want to cry, but I did it. It was hella. Not quite worth buying a Wii U for by itself, but very close. Unfortunately I know very few other Wii U games will be like it, but still, it's a good sign I'll enjoy other ones.

I'm tired now. My sleep's all broken up again - but I think I got two runs of 4 hours each, so at least there were probably a few full 'cycles' in there. Got kickboxing later, and I'm feeling up for it. Then I'm volunteering tomorrow, and going to a Mental Health service user meeting. And then volunteering and going to a concert (weather permitting) on Saturday. Sigh.
girlofprey: (Ninja Lady Eye)
So we found the blackout blinds. Mum and I put them up. I turned out to know as much or more about curtains than she did. And now my room is BEAUTIFULLY DARK when I go to bed and in the mornings. Did I ever say how much I liked the dark? When I was little sometimes I'd just go into the cupboard under the stairs or a walk-in closet in my parents' bedroom, and just lay there on the carpet for hours, or play Stig of the Dump in the dark. I don't know why. Anyway. I'M ENJOYING THE DARK. My sleep's still a little messed up - I still keep waking up around 5am, but yesterday I managed to get back to sleep, and last night I was up for a bit but I think I dreamed afterwards so I must have slept, and it was more restful in any case. My drymouth's a bit better, but I think the upshot is that it's because I'm drinking more water, so I need to go to the toilet more often in the night. Which I think is the reason I tried not to drink too much before bed in the first place. That's the trade-off, apparently.

I have also developed a weird lump on my knee in the last few days. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't hurt unless I poke it and I can move it around, so it's not the bone. Mum thinks it's nothing to worry about, but it might be to do with me putting my knee in stressful positions. Literally all I can think of is the way I sit when I'm on the computer or on the playstation. That's never given me weird knee-lumps before. I have been kneeling in front of the computer a bit though, when sitting in my desk chair gives me backache. It seems to be going down a bit now though.

Mostly I am stuck in Daredevil fandom. Which is weird, because I'm not - I didn't LOVE Daredevil. But I did quite like the way they made the main character quite fucked up, and their villain was amazing, and it's a really angsty show which I enjoy. And I slash the hero and the villain, obviously, and I'm on the kinkmeme and other people also seem interested in the pairing, so ahhh. I'm enjoying it.

The best thing about putting up the blackout blinds was that they were originally mum's, because she's a light sleeper and has read some stuff about having a lot of light in the room while you sleep being bad for you, so she wanted them in her bedroom. But my dad for some reason was just against the idea, and he put them in the loft, which is why we couldn't find them earlier this week (which is just such a passive-aggressive thing to do - like, if you're going to use them you need them to hand, and if you're not just give them away, why put them in the loft?). Basically he wasn't interested, and said it was "women's work" to put up curtains and he would be doing it. I heard him really banging about childishly when he was getting them down out of the loft, and then he just threw them down on the landing and didn't tell any of us where they were, just left them there on the floor. Then he heard me asking mum to help put them up, and he sort of jokingly asked about them, and then when we were actually putting them up he came upstairs and into my room, and started giving us advice on how to do it. I was a bit short with him, because I properly didn't understand what he was doing or was his attitude was anymore, putting up curtains is "women's work" except when he can tell women how to do it apparently. But anyway, I got them up and was super happy with them. And the next morning apparently my dad slept through his alarm, and said it was because he was up in the night going to the bathroom, and my mum said "Well you know what you need, BLACKOUT BLINDS". And he SAID NOTHING, and then later said he was going to look into them on the internet and different sizes and stuff, and not to cut mine (because they're too long for my curtains) just in case they wanted them back (for their floor-length curtains). So maybe my mum will get blackout blinds after all! Because that's my dad. He's so weirdly enthusiastic about things as long as someone else has done them first.

ETA: Oh my god, what has Livejournal done to the entry pages?
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I started taking anti-anxiety medication about week ago, after deciding I'd rather not be hypochondriac all the time. Things have been going well really, but I think I may have discovered a side effect. I was having some abdomen sort of pains also a few weeks ago - it was one of the things I was worrying about - and pretty much the day I got the pills I remembered sometimes that happened when I wasn't drinking enough water. So I tried drinking more, and felt better. But then I seemed to be thirsty all the time. Every time I went to the tap I'd just down a glass of water straight off and then take another with me wherever else I was going in the house. My throat was dry all the time, and for a while I was worried I might have diabetes (ha ha ha). Then my mum pointed out 'dry mouth' was probably one of the side effects of the pills.

Here's the thing - it's pretty bad. I've been sleeping pretty badly for the last week, just never managing to get more than a few hours before I wake up again, and pretty much every time I do I have a dry, scratchy throat. When I bother to get up and get a drink, I tend to fall asleep again pretty soon afterwards. I can't actually tell if it's waking me up - it's not painful exactly, so it's a little hard to believe it would bother me that much. But the dry mouth and the bad sleeping have sort of come hand in hand, so that's pretty difficult to ignore. Which is a shame, because otherwise I think the medication's really working out for me, but if it's messing up my sleep I don't know if it's much of a goer. I still sleep a bit, and I'm not exhausted all the time or anything, but it's not very pleasant and it makes going to bed a bit stressful. So hmm.

Could be something else of course. The mornings are starting pretty early these days and my curtains are still paper-thin. I'm trying to get blackout blinds, but I had a bit of a "we have some!"/"no we don't" rigmarole with my mum. Also I wrote a fic that might have accidentally turned out to be a WIP - the prompt was a scenario, which I wrote, and then the aftermath, which I didn't get around to (although the plotbunnies for it were numerous). That might be playing on my mind a little bit. I don't know. I'm probably going to discuss it with the doctor when I see him again next week. It's annoying that some of the side-effects of anti-anxiety medications seem to be 'increased anxiety'.

In other news, I bought a Wii U this week. It's very shiny. The only problem with it is that it runs off an HDMI cable, like my PS4, and my TV only has one input for it. So every time I want to switch between them I have to mess about with the back of the TV, trying not to put the plug in the wrong way round or knock the TV out of position, because that makes my eyes go funny when I try to play games on it afterwards. Also I rescued two baby birds today. At least I hope I rescued them, and didn't just make things worse. They seemed to have hopped the wall of a local church into a road, where they were huddled by a wall. I had to gather them up and drop them back over the side. THEY WERE HELLA SWEET THOUGH.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I'm tired I'm so tired all the time. I think the earlier mornings are starting to get to me. Either that are just doing stuff for 2 more hours of the day is a little exhausting. Or I've just been staring at screens too much lately, writing and reading fic and whatnot. I could always stare at screens before without being so tired though. I have been falling asleep a lot quicker when I do go to bed though, which is nice. And having mornings and breakfast is pretty good too. I just hope my body adjusts to the new schedule a little faster.

I've been reading an amazing fic and it was 80,000 words and I read it in about a week, which I wasn't sure I could do anymore, what with how OCD affects my reading. But I did and it was so good but now I've finished all the chapters that have been published and it's a work in progress and I just have to WAIT for the next ones and WAIT to see if it gets finished at all, or if the author gets busy or runs into a difficult bit or wants to take her time to do the climax and just never finishes it or school gets in the way. I HOPE SHE FINISHES IT. It is so good and so well-paced. But you never know. Also it is a slow burn fic, and it's really well done and I love slow burns, but it's SO slow, like torturously slow, that I'm starting to feel like I need fic for the fic. There's a character who's just flailing and suffering and the others characters keep not noticing and not wanting to get involved, and I need someone to take care of him NOW. I could easily take a break from the fic and read fic-fic where people just discover the secret and cry and hug him, and that would be great. Except there is no fic-fic. Except one piece, but it's not about what I want it to be about (it's great that it exists though). The big reveal is coming in the actual fic I think, but. I have run out of chapters. So I have to wait.

I emailed my volunteering people to ask about coming in this week, and first I said Monday and they said they were all booked up, so I said Tuesday would be okay, and they never got back to me until I emailed them TODAY to ask if that was in fact okay and I should come in. Also I asked them about an event this week that had been scheduled for months, and they were just like 'yeah, no, it's been postponed'. So. I'm going in tomorrow. But it's getting harder and harder to be enthused about it.

Also my sister is apparently engaged to her partner. Which. Well. Good for them. I guess. I don't think it's good for them. I think it's bad for them. But it's what they're doing apparently. He asked her on her birthday. And she has a ring.
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