girlofprey

The Clinton-Trump election cycle is just sort of amazing. Also horrifying. But, I would almost start having hope if I didn't remember the way my stomach sank the morning I realised we voted to leave the EU. The responses to all the allegations about Trump are terrifying, though. People genuinely pretending to care about rape survivors that Hillary obviously harassed, but also claiming that all the women accusing Trump must be lying. I don't even know what they think they look like.

My new duvet is still too hot. It seems ridiculous to change it now, when it's getting colder - and was genuinely wintery today - but still not very pleasant. And mum still wants to mess with the mattress some more, which is great, but I really having been sleeping much lately, and all I want to do is play video games, which I can't do on my PS4 if I can't sit on my bed. I don't even know what it is lately. I'm all over the place. I don't know if it's tiredness, or if something's making me tired, or what. It's something that often happens to me when I'm trying to split my focus in too many directions, but I don't know what that could be lately. Except maybe all the appointments I had this week. My plan is to get some sleep and play Fallout 4 until I feel better, at any rate.

I'm also considering whether or not to leave the Hospice. I was looking into other kickboxing classes, since I can't make the Wednesday night one anymore, and Wakefield is the easiest place to get to from Leeds, really. So I was looking if they had any classes on an evening I could get to, and it looks like they might have one on Saturdays. I'll have to call and check it is an actual class, but it looks like it. But it's at 1:45, and I work till 1 at the Hospice, so I couldn't really get there in time from there...and even if I could, I don't know if I really want so much of my weekend taken up when I'm working five days a week. So. I love the Hospice, and I really wanted to stay if I could, but kickboxing does more for me I think, and I've been wanting to do it since I was 15, and I don't really want to give it up. It's just thrown me a little bit. My boss asked me if I'd be leaving them after I got my new job and I said no, but if there's a chance I could carry on with kickboxing...I think I'm gonna have to take it. I'll call tomorrow and see if it really is doable.

Ughh, I'm going on holiday tomorrow. Which is fine. Lovely. I'll probably enjoy it when I get there. But before that I have to pack, and it's a little weird because we're only going to Bridlington. Which is about an hour and a half away, on the coast. So we're still going to basically be in Yorkshire, and the weather is (*isn't) particularly summery at the moment. Much better than it being crazy hot, of course, but it's like, I'm going to be taking a lot of my summer/holiday gear, but I'll probably get the most use out of the clothes I wear pretty much day in day out. It's also kind of nice that if I feel like it's too much I can just take a quick train back home - but on the other hand, that sort of underlines the fact we're not going very far, which doesn't make it feel very holiday-y.

I have done a bit of shaving though, as usual. Just my bikini line, in case we go swimming. So that'll probably be growing back in and itching all week. It does kind of bug me that every time I go on holiday and need to look 'presentable' for all the activities I want to do, I end up in pretty huge physical discomfort. But I'm not even shaving my armpits or legs at the moment, so maybe I'll get over even the bikini line thing in time. Anyway - point being, it makes it feel a little holiday-ish. And I am sort of looking forward to it - imagining the looks on the kids faces when we get there. Before or after they all start arguing. Still. And packing shouldn't be too much of a pain, since I basically just need Regular Clothes and Holiday Clothes, and my parents mostly put all our stuff in binsacks, to save space in the boot. Plus, since it's so close and we can't even check in before one, we don't have to set off till pretty late morning at the earliest.

After the argument I was having online over the last few days, I ended up having a nightmare about my sister last night. So I'm a little tired today. And what with everything going on tonight I might not get much sleep either, and then I'll be in a new place which always makes it hard for me to sleep, at least the first night. So I'm not really looking forward to being super-tired over the next few days. But - I am mostly looking forward to it. We'll see how it goes.

So we found the blackout blinds. Mum and I put them up. I turned out to know as much or more about curtains than she did. And now my room is BEAUTIFULLY DARK when I go to bed and in the mornings. Did I ever say how much I liked the dark? When I was little sometimes I'd just go into the cupboard under the stairs or a walk-in closet in my parents' bedroom, and just lay there on the carpet for hours, or play Stig of the Dump in the dark. I don't know why. Anyway. I'M ENJOYING THE DARK. My sleep's still a little messed up - I still keep waking up around 5am, but yesterday I managed to get back to sleep, and last night I was up for a bit but I think I dreamed afterwards so I must have slept, and it was more restful in any case. My drymouth's a bit better, but I think the upshot is that it's because I'm drinking more water, so I need to go to the toilet more often in the night. Which I think is the reason I tried not to drink too much before bed in the first place. That's the trade-off, apparently.

I have also developed a weird lump on my knee in the last few days. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't hurt unless I poke it and I can move it around, so it's not the bone. Mum thinks it's nothing to worry about, but it might be to do with me putting my knee in stressful positions. Literally all I can think of is the way I sit when I'm on the computer or on the playstation. That's never given me weird knee-lumps before. I have been kneeling in front of the computer a bit though, when sitting in my desk chair gives me backache. It seems to be going down a bit now though.

Mostly I am stuck in Daredevil fandom. Which is weird, because I'm not - I didn't LOVE Daredevil. But I did quite like the way they made the main character quite fucked up, and their villain was amazing, and it's a really angsty show which I enjoy. And I slash the hero and the villain, obviously, and I'm on the kinkmeme and other people also seem interested in the pairing, so ahhh. I'm enjoying it.

The best thing about putting up the blackout blinds was that they were originally mum's, because she's a light sleeper and has read some stuff about having a lot of light in the room while you sleep being bad for you, so she wanted them in her bedroom. But my dad for some reason was just against the idea, and he put them in the loft, which is why we couldn't find them earlier this week (which is just such a passive-aggressive thing to do - like, if you're going to use them you need them to hand, and if you're not just give them away, why put them in the loft?). Basically he wasn't interested, and said it was "women's work" to put up curtains and he would be doing it. I heard him really banging about childishly when he was getting them down out of the loft, and then he just threw them down on the landing and didn't tell any of us where they were, just left them there on the floor. Then he heard me asking mum to help put them up, and he sort of jokingly asked about them, and then when we were actually putting them up he came upstairs and into my room, and started giving us advice on how to do it. I was a bit short with him, because I properly didn't understand what he was doing or was his attitude was anymore, putting up curtains is "women's work" except when he can tell women how to do it apparently. But anyway, I got them up and was super happy with them. And the next morning apparently my dad slept through his alarm, and said it was because he was up in the night going to the bathroom, and my mum said "Well you know what you need, BLACKOUT BLINDS". And he SAID NOTHING, and then later said he was going to look into them on the internet and different sizes and stuff, and not to cut mine (because they're too long for my curtains) just in case they wanted them back (for their floor-length curtains). So maybe my mum will get blackout blinds after all! Because that's my dad. He's so weirdly enthusiastic about things as long as someone else has done them first.

ETA: Oh my god, what has Livejournal done to the entry pages?

I'm tired I'm so tired all the time. I think the earlier mornings are starting to get to me. Either that are just doing stuff for 2 more hours of the day is a little exhausting. Or I've just been staring at screens too much lately, writing and reading fic and whatnot. I could always stare at screens before without being so tired though. I have been falling asleep a lot quicker when I do go to bed though, which is nice. And having mornings and breakfast is pretty good too. I just hope my body adjusts to the new schedule a little faster.

I've been reading an amazing fic and it was 80,000 words and I read it in about a week, which I wasn't sure I could do anymore, what with how OCD affects my reading. But I did and it was so good but now I've finished all the chapters that have been published and it's a work in progress and I just have to WAIT for the next ones and WAIT to see if it gets finished at all, or if the author gets busy or runs into a difficult bit or wants to take her time to do the climax and just never finishes it or school gets in the way. I HOPE SHE FINISHES IT. It is so good and so well-paced. But you never know. Also it is a slow burn fic, and it's really well done and I love slow burns, but it's SO slow, like torturously slow, that I'm starting to feel like I need fic for the fic. There's a character who's just flailing and suffering and the others characters keep not noticing and not wanting to get involved, and I need someone to take care of him NOW. I could easily take a break from the fic and read fic-fic where people just discover the secret and cry and hug him, and that would be great. Except there is no fic-fic. Except one piece, but it's not about what I want it to be about (it's great that it exists though). The big reveal is coming in the actual fic I think, but. I have run out of chapters. So I have to wait.

I emailed my volunteering people to ask about coming in this week, and first I said Monday and they said they were all booked up, so I said Tuesday would be okay, and they never got back to me until I emailed them TODAY to ask if that was in fact okay and I should come in. Also I asked them about an event this week that had been scheduled for months, and they were just like 'yeah, no, it's been postponed'. So. I'm going in tomorrow. But it's getting harder and harder to be enthused about it.

Also my sister is apparently engaged to her partner. Which. Well. Good for them. I guess. I don't think it's good for them. I think it's bad for them. But it's what they're doing apparently. He asked her on her birthday. And she has a ring.