girlofprey

I am playing Yakuza 7, I love Yakuza 7. I'm not really used to the storytelling of the Yakuza series, so I feel like I've been punched in the heart and my head is spinning, and the same is true for the main character. Also they do that slightly annoying thing in the game that they do in a lot of open-world games, where they make the main story really dynamic and urgent a lot of the time, but also put a lot of side activities in the open world. So it's exciting and makes the story compelling, and I have no complaints about the story, but can also be frustrating trying to find a believable time to mess about with less urgent things outside the main story. But I'm still very much enjoying it, story and side activities. I need trash, and I had trash and got rid of it, and now a request has come in asking me to deliver trash to someone, and despite painstakingly searching a lot of rubbish bins, I'm not finding very much trash.

My mum has struggled to see with one eye for the past few months - something to do with cataracts and previous laser eye surgery, I think? - but after getting vaccinated she finally went to the doctor's to have it looked at, and she had more laser surgery on Monday and now can see again. Which is nice.

Women's History Month got a little bit depressing in between reactions to the Meghan and Harry interview, some disturbing violence at some women's protests, and the Sarah Everard case. And now apparently the stories just keep on coming! Women's lives matter.

I'm playing Yakuza 7 most of the time, I barely exist on the internet until after midnight. Also I sort of applied for a job this week - my mum saw a Facebook post from a friend of hers about admin staff needed at a care home down the street from us. I registered an interest and the woman called me then sent me a job description at my request. But there weren't many details in the original post, and I guess I assumed maybe it would be casual because she was talking about it on Facebook - but she ended up describing it as a very 'full-on', full-time post where you basically do all the office work, to replace a woman who'd been there for years and was now retiring. So I thought maybe the job wasn't for me, and didn't end up applying. Still, it was interesting.

I got my redundancy letter yesterday, and it turns out on top of the redundancy payment my parents predicted, I'm getting paid for 20 working days notice, so another four weeks pay on top of that. Plus what I earned through furlough this month until I was made redundant. So I'm actually not too bad off for money, and genuinely contemplating not even jobsearching until spring when hopefully the country's in a better spot and it's hopefully less of a risk. I don't know, though. I think I'm going to call Citizen's Advice tomorrow and see what my options are, as someone unemployed who doesn't actually want to go to a workplace any time soon.

It's a week until the clocks go back, and everything gets darker. I'm still trying to rearrange my sleeping schedule, so we'll see how that goes. It just feels like nothing's really going to happen until at least Christmas. All I'm looking forward to at the moment is an announcement of a new Sims expansion on Tuesday, and even that's reserved after the Star Wars bullshit they were pushing last time. I'm looking forward to the PS5 as well, but that's over a month away. The American election will be over by then. I'll have had to pick up another prescription. No point pinning any joy on that right now.

It still blows my mind that 'bitch' is so widespread these days. I kind of get it, I mean it's a fun word to say, satisfying. But it literally means dog, if you call a woman a bitch you are literally calling her an animal, subhuman. And it's still so accepted. You can call a man a bitch of course, but the insult there is that you're calling him a woman, which I guess is to a man what being an animal is to a human. Still not exactly positive for women. I still say bitch occasionally, but pretty much only for comedy reasons. I've really tried to cut down on it in my language in general.

The social worker did come by yesterday, and when I came downstairs my parents were outside with him in the garden, and our dog was inside. Knowing that our dog doesn't like being left alone too much, and is a bit suspicious of strangers, I lifted him up so he could see them out the window, and gave him a bit of a cuddle, which involved pressing my face up against his fur a little bit. I did consider whether I wanted to do that, given that I've heard coronavirus can be passed on in pet fur, but I figured it had been a day since he'd even been out for a walk (it was actually two days), and I didn't think it would last in 'fabric' as long as all that. I put him down and got on with breakfast, and shortly afterwards things happened and the meeting with the social worker ended. And my mum came in saying he'd been there two hours, and 'he's been petting the dog as well'.

Which wasn't great for me, obviously. I've been trying to rationalise it to myself, that it's probably a very low-risk way for coronavirus to spread or else they'd talke about it more in the papers, that it only really matters if the social worker had coronavirus in the first place (he's from Oldham and has been travelling all around the country visiting kids), and that he had a mask on so hopefully was following other guidelines like washing his hands and not touching his face to not even transmit it in the first place. But I'm still going to be watching myself for symptoms for a week, and my parents for symptoms just in case I'm asymptomatic for two weeks. It's not the scary start to Spook Month I was hoping for.

Nothing really got said at the meeting, I don't think. That court case never happened, or was just a pre-hearing or something, because the actual one is now in February (for now). The social worker said he was sticking around, and worried about my nephews' behavioural problems, which we all are, so we'll see. I didn't meet him, but mum and dad seem to think he's fine.

I also called my manager, and he did remember me, which is nice. But he said largely what I thought he'd say - that nothing's really changed since lockdown started, and after the recent restrictions that have been put in place the company we work for just wants to continue as they are currently for the foreseeable future. Which does sound like they're not planning to tear up the contract and fire us all at least - but also sounds like they're not planning to call us back in any time soon, or ask us to come in part-time so the government can top up our wages. So I reckon I had better get used to not being paid after the furlough scheme runs out. I have a bit of money to be going on with though, and no real outlays or dependants, so it won't be too much of a hardship. Just sort of annoying and boring and I won't be able to support the economy too much. And mum and I will probably have to have a conversation about the rent I pay her. But hopefully it will only be temporary though. And I might qualify for benefits in the meantime. I don't know how I would technically be seen on that front. And I also wouldn't really like to have to go to the Jobcentre.

Well, it's October on Thursday, and there's still no word from my work. If I don't hear anything by then, I think I'm going to call my manager, and ask for a general heads-up. They just brought in some new restrictions in Leeds though, with a view to possibly bringing in more, so I can't imagine they're going to call more of us in when things are so uncertain. I suspect I'll be doing exactly what I'm doing right now until the furlough scheme runs out, and then...doing something else.

Assuming I will be off work all October, I think I will have a spooky month. I really enjoyed Women's Month, although I didn't do a lot of the activities personally that I'd planned to do, because I just played video games instead. But having a whole month for scary games is actually ideal, because that maybe gives you enough time to finish them. Getting scary games ON Halloween is often not ideal. And it doesn't look like I'll be doing a lot of Halloween activities I usually enjoy - there's pumpkin picking at a local farm, but without a lot of the other stuff they used to have alongside it, and without the kids here it's not necessarily something we'd do. I was thinking I might charge up my Wii U and finally try to finish Maiden of Black Water, the only Project Zero/Fatal Frame game I ever managed to get my hands on and play. It was a bit difficult for me, because it does focus a lot on suicide and suicidal themes, but I might be able to handle it a bit better now. And I'll dig out my old Halloween playlist, that I made on one computer and then it died and when I tried to transfer it to a new computer a bunch of files had been taken out or wouldn't play, and then I tried to remember it and write it down in a notebook but it never felt the same. Scary things like that.

My parents went to the contact on Tuesday, and no-one at the cafe checked to see how many households were in the group, so they all just sat together at one table inside. And my sister refused to wear a mask because "I'm alright", and my mum couldn't get through to her that masks are for other people's protection, not her own. But the weather wasn't as bad as predicted, so they managed to have a short break to all go out to a park together. So that was nice, I guess, and we'll see if anything happens because of it in two weeks time.

I successfully took my cat to the vet yesterday. She didn't like the cat carrier (first time she's been in one for about ten years), and as it was so early in the morning we couldn't get a good rhythm of letting her out then calling her back in again. So she weed in the carrier on the way to the vet (she did not like the car either), and pooed in it on the way back. But they clipped her nails, and there was no infection in the ingrown one so there's nothing more that needs doing with that, and the vet and nurse came out afterwards talking about what a lovely cat she is and so friendly to everyone, and <3 They did not say that about our little, half-Lhasa Apso dog when he went for his jabs the other week. She's a very good cat. So it's done with no lasting harm or need for me to pin her down and clean a wound going forward, and it stressed me out but I'm very happy with the outcome.

Still nothing from work, and I'm genuinely curious what's going to happen next. The thing is, apart from everything else happening with the world, we had a building move planned for this autumn/winter, and I can't think of any reason that wouldn't go ahead if it's all been paid for. Apart from anything else, it was to save on space/rent, so it means everyone will be pushed in all together more than they were before. But regardless of that - a lot of people will still be working from home - I can't imagine they're going to want to call people back in now, getting going in the old building, and then move to the new building and get people all set up again there. It might make sense to just leave it until they move to the new building, and I don't remember if that was supposed to be December. Definitely the last quarter of the year. So I don't know. We'll see. For all I know, they've decided they don't need receptionists anymore at all, or not 3 desk-sharing, and my company are just leaving me on the payroll until the furlough scheme runs out. Who knows? But if they do leave me on the furlough scheme then fire me, I've worked out that I have three more paydays before then, so that's something to go on with at least.

Well, it's July already, somehow. 4th of July in fact. Happy Independence Day to any Americans on my flist. We call it Fuck Off Puritans Day.

I'm getting paid next Friday, and that Sunday is the Ubisoft preview event, which seemed so long away when it was announced. And now it's almost here. But the weirdest thing is the fact that we're over halfway through the year, and still almost nothing is confirmed in the videogame world for this winter. The next generation of consoles is coming out. We still don't know exactly when, or how much they'll cost. I'm still saving up for the PS5, and hoping however much I've saved will be enough. There are multiple massive games coming out, and none of them have release dates. Probably because a lot are planning to tie in with the PS5/Xbox Series X releases, but still. Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodlines 2 is coming out. I don't know when. Yakuza 7 is coming out. I don't know when. Assassin's Creed Valhalla is coming out. It just says 'Holiday 2020'. Cyberpunk 2077 just got delayed from September to November 19th, but who can rely on their dates at this point? We still don't know what the launch games are going to be for the two consoles or when they're coming out, and how exactly are they supposed to do that and not eat into each other's profits? Which is probably more than anything why no-one has set dates yet, but genuinely, this more than anything brings it home to me how much this pandemic has made everything uncertain. July, and we don't know when this year's next-gen consoles will be released. Wild.

But Ubisoft are having their conference, and they're going to talk about Watch Dogs: Legion, which is supposed to be coming out this year, and Assassin's Creed, which is also supposed to be coming out this year. And the rumours are that they're also going to announce the next Far Cry game, which will be coming out next spring, and the rumours are that Giancarlo Esposito will be playing the villain. I don't know if I'm ever going to get over Joseph Seed from Far Cry 5, at this point, but Giancarlo Esposito might well be enough to sway my attention.

And generally, I'm glad that I wasn't called back into work at this point - well, even more glad - because all this talk of local lockdowns would probably play havoc with that, a bit. No-one's even said what it means, if you're area gets locked down but the area you work in doesn't, or vice-versa. Or if it'll be a full, only go out once a day lockdown, or just 'restrict your movements' like we're doing now. But frankly, I don't know what's going to happen now the pubs are open. People already aren't following the rules or doing social distancing a lot, so how they'll do it while drunk I don't know. My mum has been keeping an eye on the figures for new cases in the nearby cities, Leeds and Wakefield. And yesterday, they suddenly jumped to double - for both places - what they were the day before. Which was higher than it's ever been since she started checking it. So she thinks it's either a weird typo, or shit's bad. My family and I aren't planning to go to the pub. Or to the hairdresser's. Sorry economy. We will see what happens.

The pizza I got tonight was incredibly hot, so in between the pieces falling apart and trying not to burn my fingers, I brushed the crust of a few slices against a colder part of the box, which I usually try not to touch while I'm transferring the pizza out of it. So I will have to wait two weeks to see if that comes to anything. Not that I would know the difference between being infected by that, or any of the other tiny terrifying things that happen every day, which seem like a risk even if not a large risk. A man stroked our dog yesterday without asking if he could. Mum wiped him down with disinfectant wipes when we got home (the dog, not the man). It all seems like too much, but also not nearly enough.

I'm still enjoying nature though. Today I learned that the little flowers I've liked lately are tufted vetch, and we saw a grey wagtail in our garden, and a chaffinch on our walk, and a small gang of starlings did a little murmuration thing over us. And I fed the dog watermelon. Those things are nice.

I kind of want to watch all of Game of Thrones, for beautiful Cersei, and to some degree Oberyn, but I also don't know if it will be worth all the rape. All the rape.

Today on Tumblr I saw someone reblogging how you can't be a real feminist and support porn and prostitution, and after all the SWERF stuff that's been going around in the last few years, it was a real relief.

Sunless Sea is a really good game, but it's very frustrating. It's set up so most of the time you'll die and have to start again, just having learned something new. But that also means you have to go through the same early game setup over, and over, again, pretending to be surprised by all the new revelations, and hoping you get the same lucky breaks as you did before, knowing how long it will be till you're set up enough to actually see something new again. As a result, I spent a lot of yesterday playing with a captain called 'Shithead'. Shithead was probably my most successful captain, and I was a little bit worried I was going to win the game with her. But then she died to a random wandering boss monster I couldn't defeat or get away from. So I get to start again. With Isobel. I'm hoping she will do just as well.

I'm so desperate for them to put horses in the Sims I'm ready to go back to Red Dead Redemption and ride those horses. Even though I know what a pain it is to play that game. Do they put the instructions in a handy menu screen or sheet of paper in the game box? No they do not. You just have to try to remember how to make your horse stop, or aim a gun. Currently they're speculating on the Sims forums that we'll get a romantic Paris-themed pack next, despite really very little evidence. If EA thought just not releasing any information about what new content was upcoming for the Sims would stop people speculating and then being disappointed, I think they have made a misstep.

I can't remember if I said we were being called back to work on 1st July previously in this journal, but I was incorrect - my manager actually said 'the beginning of July'. And hasn't given any further update on exactly when this is. Next week? The week after? I'm going to text him and hope for a response.

I've just realised women don't have a month. People talking about Pride month got me thinking about it. We only have a day. That doesn't seem like much for an entire half of the world's population. Maybe I will have a women's history month. Maybe in August.

Thanks to some advice from jekesta, I managed to order the things on Marks and Spencers. Apparently it just doesn't like Firefox, despite claiming it does. Also I ordered the things I wanted, then looked at another thing that went out of stock a few days ago, and it was back in stock despite not appearing in site searches, and I couldn't be bothered to cancel or edit my order so I just ordered that too and now have to pay two delivery charges. Not super impressed with Marks and Spencer .com.

I keep ordering tabletop games, and then realising I will have no-one to play them with for a long time. I think I'm a bit too competitive to begin with, and then mixing that in with your family and also people you must spend 24 hours with for the forseeable future doesn't seem like a great plan. Honestly I struggle to see how the country will reopen for a long while yet, because wherever you go, whatever you take with you, you will eventually need to use the toilet - and the perils of public toilets and using other people's toilets has been made super clear. Obviously, you'll go out if you have to, but other than that - and the people who clearly don't give a damn - I can't see how it's safely doable.

My job never called me back. I was planning to call them, just to ask what was happening then, but the longer they don't call me, the less inclined I am to call them. It's so inconsiderate, and I know they're busy and probably having a difficult time at the moment, but seriously, a phone call? Just to let me know what's going on, when they called me first? It doesn't seem like that much to expect. So bollocks to them. They can call me again, if they want something from me.

I ran out of shampoo last week, and have decided to try not using it and see what happens. I've been told many things about how it strips out your natural hair oil, and that will come back if you don't use shampoo for a while. Now seems as good a time as any to try it out. I went to get into the shower on Tuesday, all ready to throw over my hair-washing routine, and then the shower broke. Well, the shower itself is fine, and the water heater. But I went to try to turn the temperature down, and the dial made a horrible grinding noise, and no matter what I did the water just seemed to get hotter not colder. Finally the water was at 51 degrees (C) and the dial just refused to move any more, and I gave it up and got in the bath. It's been a rollercoaster for getting washed, is what I'm saying. But I'm still relatively clean.

They've cancelled the Playstation event that was going to happen tonight, because of the protests in America. Selfishly I'm disappointed, and it is nice to have something nice to look forward to when a lot of things are terrible, but rationally I know it was the right choice. And, cynically, probably the best business decision for Playstation - there are probably a lot of people who couldn't give two hoots about a videogame showcase right now. But it's not happening tonight, regardless. The Sims expansion is still out as far as I know, and it is a green living expansion, but I was hoping for something more rustic and farm-y than what they're currently releasing, and apparently they keep updating the code for horses in the game, so I just want horses nowwwwwww, and they might well bring all of that out in September, September would be an ideal time for a farm/harvest pack, but September isn't now, so I'm excited about this pack but also not completely excited. I am full of demands.

I've just had a beautiful walk, it's funny that it seems there really is nothing better than air, light, warmth, and fresh water. I had to report a fire, but that went fairly well overall. And I still haven't had a call or email from my manager. I assume I'm not going in tomorrow. But the night is still young.

Still nothing from my boss, but train journeys have now appeared online for me, at pretty much exactly the same times and schedules as before. I went through an interesting period last night of trying to look at different train journeys, just in case they were somehow just cancelling mine. I found a couple of others, but then realised they were with different train companies than Northern Rail. I told my parents about it though, and mum started doing some research of her own, and found that there was a schedule up for w/c 8th June, just not this week. But that week also had a note saying that new timetables were coming in, and none of the journeys they were showing were guaranteed. Which is also what every journey with trains other than Northern Rail was saying. It was very confusing, is my point. But now things seem to be up and confirmed, and I can still get from my local station to Leeds, if they confirm they want me to come in. But they haven't confirmed they want me to come in so far.

This whole re-opening thing looks pretty shaky, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, my parents (and I) are still pretty devastated about what's happening with my YN, but we got a call a few days ago about my MN, and when mum called back she found out that the centre he's at had asked to terminate his placement there in February - which they haven't mentioned on any of the calls my dad's been making to them since then - but they're now moving him to a place in Barnsley. Which is still not super close to our house, but much much closer than Birmingham. So the lord giveth and the lord taketh away, I guess?

Playstation have announced a showcase of games coming to the Playstation 5 for this Thursday, which is something I've been waiting for for a very long time. The new Sims expansion is out on Thursday night, also, and I'll definitely be able to play it by Friday. And on the 1st of June there'll be new bugs and fish to catch in Animal Crossing, which I'll be able to look for day 1 if I'm not required to go into work, and who knows whether I will be. So I am excite.