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Went to see The Hitman's Bodyguard today, it was great, would see again. But now I have to look up train times to go to this mental health Welcome Meeting thing tomorrow. I know I agreed to it, but I still resent having to travel and go anywhere on a Sunday.

But I've got a week off after this week, so I guess I can relax and enjoy myself then.

Also, all the films coming out soon look dreadful. Having read a bit of the book, the new It trailer looks terrible. Like, the point was that it was a clown trying to kill you, and that was the scary part. If you just make it a scary clown, like you're missing a lot of the point. And implying Pennywise was somehow involved in events I don't think he was involved in (unless I just haven't gotten to that part in the book, or something), just eh. Looks like they're overegging the pudding, and ignoring a lot of what makes it really creepy. And the new Kingsman trailer also looks bad. The first one wasn't the greatest film I'd ever seen or anything, but the new one seems to be just advertising itself on gimmicky set-pieces, and no women? Except for the baddie?

I'm looking forward to Logan Lucky next week though, mostly for Daniel Craig as a redneck thief. And American Assassin looks propaganda-ish, but it does have Michael Keaton in it looking beautiful, so there's that. I'm a little worried that I'm only looking forward to seeing films with men in them, but they are films with relationships in them, and I happily do and will look forward to films with women having relationships and fun in them (like the Ghostbusters 2016 film), but they don't seem to be making any of those. I'm still sort of meaning to see Atomic Blonde too, but it does look a little male-gazey. Hmph.
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Spoilers for It )

I spoke to my manager, and apparently they're not letting us go, or at least there's no more reason to think they are yet. The security firm who watches the place on a night are hired through our company, and we've been asked to stop using them by the new business to save money, so they are going, and technically the old contract our company had with the old company has been terminated - but apparently they're probably about to sign a new one. And my manager - in confidence - said that the new company had examined all the jobs and what everyone's doing, and they've looked at reception, and they're pretty happy with what we're doing. So - he did say, as I already knew, that anything can change at very short notice, or even down the line if things aren't working out, so my job's not exactly safe. But there's no more sign that we're going than there was a month ago, and if we were going he said he would tell me. So there's nothing extra to worry about really. Just more things changing. As I left tonight, having told the security guy some of this, he said he'd heard they were thinking about doing things like changing the working hours of the building, so we'd have to come in earlier or later. And it's kind of brought into focus something I half thought about, but not really, which is that they might just change the job. Like, if there's no security on the desk so it's not 24/7, and they change the building hours, maybe they'll just decide they only want reception there from 9 to 5, as is more usual, and just make it one full-time job instead of two/three part-time ones. I don't know exactly what I'd do in that case. But I guess I'll just have to wait and see.

And I gave that woman her permanent space in Manchester. And emailed the other woman who does the late shift that I might not be able to give her parking on Mondays in future. She seemed to take it quite well though, and said she'd discuss with her manager and maybe just not do late shifts on a Monday from now on. So, I'm just gonna wait and see how it goes with everyone else.
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I was going to come to you today with a fresh tale of car parking woe, but then I spoke to the security guard who was taking over from me tonight, and he said he and the other security staff are getting made redundant, and his manager said that our Facilities company would be going as well. My boss hasn't mentioned anything about it, but maybe he wouldn't. I'm going to ask him about it tomorrow, but maybe I'll be job hunting again soon.

Anyway, here's the car park story:

We have two offices at our company (or two car parks at least). The Leeds office has 54 spaces. The Manchester office has 9. Of those 9, 2 are spare - one is used for visitor parking, and one is used by our Facilities company for a courier van. There's a HR recognition space which is given out to be people as a reward for good performance on week by week basis - but it hardly ever gets given out, I don't know what's wrong with their performance in Manchester. So we usually have that one to give away. Then there's a woman who has a permanent space, but only uses it on a Monday, so it's free four days of the week. And then sometimes people are on holiday. So those are the empty spaces we have to give away every week - 2 at best, for the full five days.

A woman from the new company has apparently been awarded a permanent space at Manchester to go with the new position she's getting.

So. I don't know which one they're going to give her. I do often fill those spaces in with people from the waiting list - some of whom claim they've been working for the company for 19 years and never been offered a permanent space - but most often we use them as visitor parking for people coming from the Leeds office. Apparently we have some sort of policy that if people from the Leeds office need to drive to Manchester and have to park, the business is obligated to pay for their parking, which is why we have the spare spaces to begin with. Also, there's a woman who claims that it's part of her contract that whenever she works a late shift - once every ten weeks or so, for a week - and ends up being the last worker in the office late in the evening, she gets a parking space for safety reasons. We've been giving her the space, but if this other woman gets a permanent parking space, and someone is awarded the HR recognition space the same week there's the late shift, there literally won't be a Monday space to give her. Unless they buy new parking spaces. Which I'm guessing they won't want to do if they're trying to save money. Or they take a permanent space away from someone else. Which I'm guessing would cause a kerfuffle.

So I don't know where they're going to put her. But whatever. I'll just do whatever they tell me to do.

End of car park story.

Now that Trump has literally sympathised with Nazis, I think it's a good time for another round of letter-writing about whether or not he should get to come to England for a state visit. Or get to come to England at all. Or have anything to do with us.
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Me reading It:

Opening the book: "I hope this is scary"
500 pages later: "Orange pompoms??????? !!!!! ??????"
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I saw a hedgehog tonight. Casually trundling along in the driveway of the housing estate next to mine. Lovely little thing. It has redoubled my enthusiasm for putting food out for them, as you might expect.

Also, it turns out Pennywise from It doesn't give a fuck. Spoilers for It, I guess )

Also, I've been crying at work again, but this time it's to do with how much Bill Denborough misses his little brother George. It makes it super hard to just get into the book while I'm, you know, supposed to be doing my job. I wasn't expecting this when I started reading It.
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The mental health worker I spoke to on Sunday said she'd call me yesterday morning. She never called. Nobody called today either. She said it was to talk to me after a supervisory conversation with her boss - which I'm pretty sure is standard procedure - so a part of me's worried that they really are going to Social Services with some of the stuff I said about my sister, even though it turned out everything I talked about was stuff either my mum or the kids themselves had told someone about already. Or, that she and her supervisor are debating whether I can even have support, if what I'm going to be talking about is confidential information that they're not sure whether they share or not, for child protection purposes. But, for the most part, I just think it's so unprofessional and unhelpful and unsupportive. No-one's even called to tell me why the woman hasn't called. I'm going to call them back tomorrow and ask what's happening, but frankly - given that both times I've talked to them it's been on a terrible phone line where I could barely hear what they were saying - I'm not sure exactly how supportive this service is going to be even if I do get to talk to someone.

I had a terrible night last night. Partly stress, but partly just that I'm feeling really lonely at the moment. I don't really talk to anyone at work, I only talk to the same people in my family day in day out, and that tends to be quite fraught very often, and I don't socialise outside of work. I miss fandom. I don't make new friends super easily though, so I'm not really sure what the fix is for that problem.
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Things I'm now afraid of because of It:

  • Single balloons.

  • American sewer grates.

  • It. Not clowns, specifically It.

  • The emotions of children.

  • Rodan.

  • Anything bad happening to Will Hanlon.


I watched the Fright Night 2011 remake the other night. I don't recommend anyone else watch it, it has misogyny here, there and everywhere, but it's pretty good if you want a bit of violent vampire kink. I thought I recognised the main actor's name, though. Then another post mentioned he was Russian. And then I realised it's that actor who played Chekov in the new Star Trek films, and died unexpectedly last year. Which is kind of a shame.
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New Rick and Morty was also good, I v enjoyed it.
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That feeling when they mention the water in Derry.

I've been aggravated this week. One of the morning women at my job is on holiday, and my boss couldn't find anyone to cover for her, so I worked from 10am till 7pm today, and will do so until the end of the week. I've been at work so long, it feels like Thursday, but it isn't. However, they've been super good about my breaks, so I get a lunch hour as well as my usual half an hour at 4 o'clock, and actually today was fine, and sort of super busy, and maybe that'll be good for me, taking my mind off things.

I don't know what it is, but somehow the takeover at work and the summer holidays seem to have culminated into some sort of perfect storm of constant activity. I'm spending way more time on the car park than usual, because the 30 redundancies the new company made pretty much as soon as they took over came into effect on Friday, and a bunch of people left, so we have way more empty spaces than we used to. And a lot of the people who are still at work are on holiday, both people with permanent spaces and people on the waiting list, so I am just hammering through the list way more than usual. Plus they're doing some sort of desk/floor move thing, so the Facilities team - which is 3 people - have been crazy busy all week, and then we had about 4 contractors in for various things in yesterday. Today my manager had to go to the Manchester office, but just before he did an executive assistant reminded him they were supposed to organise our meeting rooms for a Town Hall with the CEO, which is like a big meeting/presentation thing, so he had to leave the other 2 Facilities guys rushing to hastily set it up in the 15 minutes before it started. And then, while he was in Manchester, a crowd of teenagers came to the building, claiming to be from a Citizen's Service, and they - and the adult with them - said they had a meeting with our woman who does a lot of charity liaison stuff, but unfortunately she left the business on Friday. I ended up signing them all in to have a talk/tour with a woman from HR, but that meant we're now down to about 15 visitor's passes, because the visitor's book is nearly empty and the guy that orders the new one is on holiday till August 8th. Oh and some people showed up to clean out the ducting in the kitchen, and that stunk the whole place out for about 2 hours. Right around the corner from the Town Hall meetings.

So. Interesting times, at least.

I feel okay. Tired, but like I said, at least it was busy. We'll see if there's any cumulative effect over the next few days, but hopefully I'll make it to the weekend. And like I say, they do kind of need me at the moment. It's just really bad timing, given everything else that's been going on lately.

Also, I know it's a lot of pretentious wank, but sometimes you get to a point in a situation where you just can't feel anything about it anymore, and it's not because you're heartless, it's because you're heartbroken.

But I called my local mental health service yesterday, and I'm having a telephone assessment on Sunday to see about them giving me some further support, so we'll see how that goes. When I told my mum about that, she said "what do you think these people are going to be able to do for you?". And then we mildly argued about whether she got slightly upset the first time she found out I was seeking mental health support, when I had counselling back in University, and she said she felt like she didn't know why I couldn't just talk to her. Spoiler: she did say that.

Also I finished Trails of Cold Steel 2. You might think I finished it long ago, when I talked about the final fight, but no. After that fight some crazy shit happened, all sorts of unexpected revelations, and then suddenly it was 2 months later, in a different city, and I was playing as 2 people I'd never met before. And then we went back to the school, so our main characters could finish off their school year. Then some more weird stuff happened on the campus, and I discovered what the actual final fight was. It was considerably harder and more irritating than the other final fight. And the main character made it really clear beforehand that there was no point to it, they were basically just killing for fun. But I did it and I finished it, hurrah. It made the ending slightly sour for me. But now I can wait for the third game, and see what finally happens to all my lovelies. If indeed I make it through any of those final fights. It's still slightly sad though, because the new one won't be coming out on PS Vita, so this is the last time I'll play it on there. Not sure how much I'll enjoy the grinding on the PS4, when I have to play it at home. But we'll see.

There are many films I want to see coming out over the next four weeks. The one I'm most excited for is The Hitman's Bodyguard, and that's two weeks away. I hope it's good. But anyway. It's not a terrible problem to have, I guess, looking forward to something.
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Sam Rockwell is so beautiful:

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I rewatched the Other Guys tonight, a comedy film from 2010 which is not super, but does at the end try to make some serious points about the imbalance of wealth and corporate excess/corruption in America, with fairly specific references to the way that's unfair to or outright cheats 'the little guy'. Towards the beginning of the film, there's a shot of Trump Tower. I'm not really much of a crazy conspiracy person, but it was still a little disturbing.

But actually, as part of it's theme, the film makes references to a lot of luxury brands and 'American excess', like Cartier diamonds and such, so it was probably more a reference on the other side of things. Which frankly, is just a little bit sad.

I did not like the film as much as I did when I first watched it, but it did have Michael Keaton in it being amazing. And then they had a whole special feature that was an extended cut/daily rushes of him improvising in a scene where his character is the boss at a Bed, Bath and Beyond store. Which included him talking about someone's near-death experience on the Staten Island ferry, and berating someone named Tony. So it made me very happy.
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Our awful twat of a neighbour got his way, anyway. Despite my dad telling our nice neighbours that if they had right of way there was nothing the guy could do, he cut down his bushes, demolished his wall, and got his motorhome on his newly built driveway in the back, leading out into the cul-de-sac. Our nice neighbours had to pave over their front lawn so one of them could park on it, instead of parking in the corner as she'd done for about 15 years. But my dad took some pictures of this guy literally selling cars from the front of his house - and they think that's what he's planning to do on the back, that he's going to move the motorhome in a few months - so they're hoping he gets done for that. It can't be legal, in a house in a residential area. But anyway. It's a real shame.

It's the summer holidays as well, which means my ON has slept over every night since the weekend, when my mum was working a bunch of shifts. Apparently anything with a screen is pretty much broken in his house, so he gets pretty bored in there on his own. I wouldn't mind, but he literally comes down and just plays online Minecraft multiplayer all day. Which I don't think is good for his health or his mind, frankly, but also I think it really fucks with my internet. I obviously can't play online games of my own when he's doing that, but I've also been having issues with videos stopping and starting, and my connection just going weird, even when he's not here. Last night I was trying to check if I could indeed play online games - there was one I was trying to use, and just couldn't connect to a server - so I asked him to come off for a bit, tried a different one, and got into it. I played a few games and then stopped, because I wasn't really that interested in it, and after that my internet was perfect. I get that my cache is a problem, and I'm having to empty that out really often at the moment, but even so it seems like something else is happening. It's not a very technical assessment, and maybe I'm just imagining it. But it's still really irritating.

I also think I'm going to have to get a new phone. I haven't been able to use mine much for a bit, because I had no credit. I called to put some more credit on it at work the other day, and it died in the middle of the call. So I thought 'okay', brought it home, put it to charge overnight. I took it off the charger yesterday, still switched off, I hadn't switched it back on since the battery died. I took it out of my bag yesterday, switched it on, called to put more credit on it, and it died in the middle of the call. So I think the battery's kaput. And I'll have to get a new one.
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I know my petition sites are really sad about the potential mass death of the bees, but it does just look like they want to rip bees.
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I started It yesterday. It might not have been a great idea to read a book that literally starts with a 6 year-old dying, given that I have a 6 year-old nephew, but I powered through it. And it is amazing. Stephen King is such a good writer, like, I struggle with reading a little bit these days, because of the OCD. I often feel like I have to go back and read things again, because I haven't 'gotten them' properly, which interrupts the story. But Stephen King's writing just flows. I still do that a little bit, but mostly I don't care whether I've gotten a bit properly or not, because I want to know what happens next. It's weird that people put down his writing sometimes. It's also weird when you think maybe you're just not doing well with books at the moment, but it turns out you just need better books.

On a vaguely related note, talking point: do you think George RR Martin is who's ruined stories for us all right now? The reason why people are so happy to just enjoy a story for what they think is going to happen, rather than what is actually happening? And put up with stories that just go on and on and on with no end in sight?

In other news, I can't believe the new Confederate show they're going to let the guys behind TV Game of Thrones make (the guys behind TV Game of Thrones). Wow.

This has been a slightly odd weekend so far - I was looking forward to it all week, because I was working, and now it's here and I don't know what to do with it. I finished Wolfenstein. That's a game I was playing, about an alternate universe where the Nazis got magic technology and won the second world war. The best part of it was when you were in a museum, and there was an exhibit about how the Nazis had put a man on the moon, and the main character said "fuck you, moon". It's very tongue in cheek like that. The sequel's out in October, and it looks wicked, so I wanted to finish it to be ready for that.

There's a new Lord of the Rings video game coming out as well. They've made Shelob a woman. A sexy woman. I feel - I don't know. Blank-minded, about that decision? Like why would they do that? But I always sort of liked Shelob, with my limited knowledge of Tolkien, so I'm vaguely interested in a story that gives her a talking role anyway.

I'm going to have a bit of a Michael Keaton-fest, based on how much I loved him in Spiderman Homecoming. I have Beetlejuice and The Other Guys. I feel good about both of them as film choices.
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I finished the Communist Manifesto today. Well, I actually finished it a few weeks ago - it randomly ended about halfway through my book. The rest turned out to be the many prefaces Marx and Engels had written over the years, as it got republished. Which was interesting, because they briefly covered all the political/socialist changes that happened over the decades after it was written, including some revisions to their theory - a revolution in France in the 1800s showed that 'the working class cannot simply lay hold of the ready-made State machinery, and wield it for its own purposes', apparently. And it was also slightly sad, because it covered the years after Marx died, and Engels had to go on writing the prefaces alone. And then the last part of the book was an essay Marx wrote after the election of someone in France that people clearly did not like and were shocked by, following some of their socialist uprisings, and frankly it was like reading something about Trump. Although I know I only draw that conclusion because Trump is happening now, and that's the closest example I have to compare it to. It also, on the other hand, contained this charming phrase:

"A nation and a woman are not forgiven for the unguarded hour in which the first available adventurer is able to violate them."

Calm down there, Marx.

It was interesting though, partly because I never realised a large part of Communist theory was that socialism was the ultimate outcome of capitalism - that in the same way that the progress society made by organising into feudalism essentially led to capitalism, and commoners overthrowing nobility, the progress made by capitalism would inevitably lead to socialism. Which is a weirdly dynamic and completely undynamic belief - at what point does/can revolution happen? Slowly, over time, I suppose. Again, I find it's heavy overreliance on the idea of revolution, on the idea that violence and only doing things violently can really achieve anything a bit much, plus casually ignoring women and racism outside of 'competition between countries' obviously. But it's still an interesting read, and worth doing, given the current political state of things.

I just let my mum go round to the shop to get some chocolate for me. I feel a bit bad, but I did lend her some of my supply the other day when she had none.
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Sometimes I forget how much puritans suck. Then I remember.

I tried to pay off my tax credits overpayment yesterday. It was a massive pain, because first the letter told me to call a number to speak to HMRC about it, which was not a free number, then a bit later in the letter it said there was also a website I could go to; the website said I could pay it off by cheque at my bank or building society, using the payslip they'd sent me, but I only had the letter and no payslip; I went to my bank on Saturday with a cheque and the letter, but they said they couldn't do it because they didn't have a sort code or account number to pay the cheque into (which was probably on the payslip); so I got the sort code and account number from the website, where it told you how to pay things off using telephone or online banking, and I went into my bank again yesterday, and they said that sort code and account number weren't for a Barclays account, so they couldn't pay it in. However, using the letter and sort code and account number and the cheque I'd written, they could pay the money as a transfer, using the payment reference on my letter as a transaction reference. So I hope that worked, and HMRC don't still think I owe them £1028.94. I could probably find out. By calling the non-free number.

I've decided to try to read Stephen King's It, since that trailer suggests it's a pretty powerful story. I went into Waterstones today, and I was going up in their lift I saw some Stephen King books on the ground floor. I was looking for something else too, but then I went down, with little time to spare till I had to go to work. There were only three books on the shelf, because it was the Stephen King part of the crime section. I went to 'Fiction K'. No Stephen King. I assume his books were in the horror section upstairs, but I had to leave. I searched for 'Stephen King It' on Amazon. The first result was 'The Stand'. Then 'Mr Mercedes'. Then 'The Shining'. I don't know why the world doesn't want me to have that book.
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I'm not really a fan of hot hot heat. But I do really like the way everything looks in the sunshine, and the way smells carry further, and the way everyone smells like skin and suntan lotion, and you can hear flip-flops every now and then throughout the day.

I find it much weirder that the Doctor's never been a non-white man than that he's never been a woman. But eh.
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I watched one trailer for the new It film yesterday, and I had dreams/nightmares all last night about It.

Stephen King must be some kind of sorceror.
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Difficult stuff )

I went to see Spiderman again today, because Michael Keaton is amazing. I still spent a lot of it wishing someone would slit Tony Stark's throat, but the bits with Adrian Toomes were amazing.
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I won that fight. I'm the greatest.
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