girlofprey

I just feel like fic, and TV and stuff as well really, used to be more character-driven. I have a love-hate relationship with ABO fic, I dabble in it sometimes but it frustrates me as well, but as someone pointed out once, at a certain point in ABO fic one character becomes An Alpha and another character becomes An Omega, and they just act like that, and like they aren't making decisions they just have to do certain things, and it's not like reading about the characters you actually lik anymore. And I'm reading a bit of Eddie/Venom fic at the moment, and there is a lot of it, which is genuinely great, but a lot of the time I feel like I'm reading stuff and Venom is The Dom, and Eddie is The Sub, and that who's having sex together, and it's...I don't know. Maybe I'm just a terrible person who needs to write my own stuff if I have such high standards, but sometimes it just feels like 'this is a sex fic', and I'm left kind of thinking 'would he do that? That easily?'. And it's weird, because I want the kink obviously, and the kink is not really in the film, so is not canon. But I want the kink in the way the characters would do it. And a lot of the time I just don't feel like that's what I'm reading, and it's kind of a disappointment, but also how can you criticise when someone has actually made the effort to write a fic? It just feels like - like I don't know, like so much stuff is written right now just for the reader to project on to. Which is not what I'm looking for. And most clearly represented by the [Character]/Reader genre, obviously. And in so many stories now, like video games are really going for it with the whole "choose your own character! Customise your character!" stuff, which I genuinely think is just them being weak and not wanting to write actual female characters or characters of colour, but not wanting to be accused of excluding women or characters of colour either - but it cuts out so much actual storytelling that can come with an actual defined character. And a lot of the popular films at the moment seem to mostly be about characters overcoming their own self-doubt to realise they actually are special, and not about any actual issues, and I just don't know. I feel so deeply unsatisfied by it, but also it's constantly there and there's a lot of it, and I just feel like a terrible person for not being more grateful for it. But I do just find it so deeply unsatisfying so often.

I'm back from Nottingham. It turns out it wasn't the sanest idea. Very, very hot. But it was still good, even though it did come with it's slight irritations. Portaloos. My mum wanting directions to the hotel, even though we'd agreed I wouldn't be there to be meet her from the train, and the best thing she could do when she arrived was get a taxi. Extortionate prices. But it was still good. Less stages than there used to be, and less wandering entertainment for the kids, and more massive, annoying fairground rides. One of which they didn't even turn off when the fireworks went off, and I was stood right next to it, so I constantly saw it in my eye while I was trying to watch. But at one a band I was listening to started playing You Can Call Me Al out of nowhere, which is one of my favourite songs. And that was lovely.

We got back and I'm tired, I'm so tired. I didn't get up particularly early for the festival, it didn't start till 12pm, but it was earlier than I normally get up, and it was so hot, and we were walking around all day. So I came back exhausted, and then had to go back to work. I can't believe it's only Tuesday. But then on Friday my parents are going on holiday (to Benidorm! My mum and I have been worriedly mentioning the temperatures for days), and so I have to go food shopping for the week, and maybe I have to look after the dog? My mum still hasn't mentioned it to my sister I think, and then apparently a colleague of my dad's was talking about how he recently looked after a dog for someone and loved it, so maybe he will have the dog? It's all very unclear still, and they're going away literally on Friday. I heard my mum on the phone today saying to someone that my sister was backing off from looking after the dog during their holidays now, and I was being all '[disgusted noise]' about it. I think my parents genuinely don't think that the problem is I'm not sure if I'll cope with having the dog. Or won't cope well.

At my counselling session last week, my counsellor randomly mentioned talking about autism/aspergers this week - "not that you have a diagnosis or anything". I don't really know how to feel about that. I've read so much weird stuff on tumblr about it I don't even really know what it means anymore. It might explain a few things, like how set I get on doing things a certain way, and getting very stressed about not being able to do them that way. But on the other hand. I don't know.

I'm still obsessed with Joseph Seed from Far Cry 5. It's a constant trial.

I'm very interested in seeing the Venom movie, and more or less want to see it now. I'm not that bothered about superhero movies anymore, but I am kind of interested in Eddie Brock/Venom, as much as I'm interested in Spiderman at all. And possession is a pretty decent-sized kink of mine, and the movie seems to be basically all about it. And Tom Hardy looking sweaty and afraid. I am excite.

( Preamble/What I Really Think Of Spiderman Anyway )

( The film (Warning: long )

Jesus. That was exhausting. I'm going to watch the Have I Got News For You repeat now, and then David Mitchell on Parkinson. I'll probably go see the film again at some point, just to relive some of the good bits, but it probably won't become one of my personal favourites. That's my final thought, I guess.