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May. 7th, 2017 06:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlofpreySo, it turns out what actually happened yesterday is that my sister told her partner to go, she didn't want him, in the morning - which she claims she's been saying for 2 years, but as I've said, there's definitely been a lot of "oh but I love him!" mixed in with that that I've heard of. Anyway, he didn't do or say much in response to that, so last night my sister got drunk - the first drink she's had since Easter apparently - and started being "really nasty" to him in her own words. And my sister does have her own brand of quite nasty nastiness. So she said all that, then she turned to walk away, and her partner punched her in the back of the neck. Then he dragged her into the kitchen - specifically took a coat off the door so he could close it, so the kids wouldn't see - and then punched her in the face, causing her to fall backwards and hit her head on the kitchen unit, which made her bleed quite a lot. So, not quite as bad as dragging her into the kitchen to slam her face into a unit, but still. And unbeknownst to them, my MN - who is eight - was watching them through the window of their conservatory.
So. She said she was going to call the police, and her partner begged her not to, ended up on his knees, nearly fainted apparently, and told her to think of the kids. Which, fuck him. He got taken away, and spent the night in the cell, and my sister came back much more sober apparently. My parents weren't even out that long, frankly, only till 1am. My mum had called me before this, and said she thought maybe my sister and gotten drunk and deliberately goaded her partner into punching her so she could call the police and get rid of him. Which, frankly, my sister's an awful person, so I almost sort of believed that, but my mum asked my sister and she absolutely, 100%, said she didn't. Everytime this happens, I feel like I have to give my parents a crash course in domestic abuse theory. They know domestic violence is wrong, obviously. They know an awful, overbearing man beating an obedient, crying, lovely woman is bad. But for some reason, whenever actual situations of domestic violence come up, they start saying things like "oh, but maybe she drove him to it". My dad apparently still likes my sister partner, and doesn't want to fight him over anything, no matter how many times he's hit my sister in the face.
The kids also still like their dad. My MN has said if his dad gets a flat, he wants to go live with him, rather than his mum. Which is great.
But my sister also apparently feels bad about 'being nasty' last night, so her partner has gone back around to the house today. My ON is here, playing on the computer, and when my mum asked him how things were this morning, he said "good". Although it's hard to know how much is trauma or denial, or just automatic answers that kids give when things are awkward and they don't really understand the situation very well. But anyway, somehow it's all calm. I do not think her partner is staying at their house tonight - I've pointed out he has a wage, so he can absolutely just stay in a bed-and-breakfast for a few days if he has nowhere to stay - but he had to go round to get his stuff at some point, anyway. And see the kids, presumably. My sister isn't pressing charges, she's said she doesn't want anything terrible to happen to him, she just wants him to go. But obviously, she'll always have the police record and a record of her injuries if she ever needs to try to make him leave her alone more forcefully. So there's that. But it's all just sort of gone back to weirdly calm at the moment.
Which isn't to say it's over, obviously. If her partner really can't find a place to stay, it's going to make it difficult for him to work, which will mean she/the kids aren't getting any of his wage, and at the moment that's her only income. She got kicked off Disability when the Conservatives were voted in, then she was on ESA but didn't do what they wanted her to, so they put her on Jobseeker's and she didn't do what they wanted her to. So right now, she doesn't have anything coming in, except child allowance I guess. Plus, she's looking after the kids on her own all day now - her partner doesn't have anywhere he even could take them off her hands at the moment, and social services probably wouldn't let him anyway if they know he's violent. That's going to get considerably trickier when they're at school, and as the days go on. And I know the answer to all of these questions is "she'll ask mum to help her out with the kids more", "she'll ask dad for more money", but that's still not a super answer, or much of a sustainable situation. And I don't even know what they kids are going to be like at school. My MN's just been suspended last week for being violent to the teachers, even before this, so who knows how he's going to act. And social services haven't even really got involved yet, but they probably will. But for now, it's just a lot of "ooh, I feel really bad for how I acted now", and "ooh, let's talk", and it's all just sort of gone back to weirdly calm.
So. She said she was going to call the police, and her partner begged her not to, ended up on his knees, nearly fainted apparently, and told her to think of the kids. Which, fuck him. He got taken away, and spent the night in the cell, and my sister came back much more sober apparently. My parents weren't even out that long, frankly, only till 1am. My mum had called me before this, and said she thought maybe my sister and gotten drunk and deliberately goaded her partner into punching her so she could call the police and get rid of him. Which, frankly, my sister's an awful person, so I almost sort of believed that, but my mum asked my sister and she absolutely, 100%, said she didn't. Everytime this happens, I feel like I have to give my parents a crash course in domestic abuse theory. They know domestic violence is wrong, obviously. They know an awful, overbearing man beating an obedient, crying, lovely woman is bad. But for some reason, whenever actual situations of domestic violence come up, they start saying things like "oh, but maybe she drove him to it". My dad apparently still likes my sister partner, and doesn't want to fight him over anything, no matter how many times he's hit my sister in the face.
The kids also still like their dad. My MN has said if his dad gets a flat, he wants to go live with him, rather than his mum. Which is great.
But my sister also apparently feels bad about 'being nasty' last night, so her partner has gone back around to the house today. My ON is here, playing on the computer, and when my mum asked him how things were this morning, he said "good". Although it's hard to know how much is trauma or denial, or just automatic answers that kids give when things are awkward and they don't really understand the situation very well. But anyway, somehow it's all calm. I do not think her partner is staying at their house tonight - I've pointed out he has a wage, so he can absolutely just stay in a bed-and-breakfast for a few days if he has nowhere to stay - but he had to go round to get his stuff at some point, anyway. And see the kids, presumably. My sister isn't pressing charges, she's said she doesn't want anything terrible to happen to him, she just wants him to go. But obviously, she'll always have the police record and a record of her injuries if she ever needs to try to make him leave her alone more forcefully. So there's that. But it's all just sort of gone back to weirdly calm at the moment.
Which isn't to say it's over, obviously. If her partner really can't find a place to stay, it's going to make it difficult for him to work, which will mean she/the kids aren't getting any of his wage, and at the moment that's her only income. She got kicked off Disability when the Conservatives were voted in, then she was on ESA but didn't do what they wanted her to, so they put her on Jobseeker's and she didn't do what they wanted her to. So right now, she doesn't have anything coming in, except child allowance I guess. Plus, she's looking after the kids on her own all day now - her partner doesn't have anywhere he even could take them off her hands at the moment, and social services probably wouldn't let him anyway if they know he's violent. That's going to get considerably trickier when they're at school, and as the days go on. And I know the answer to all of these questions is "she'll ask mum to help her out with the kids more", "she'll ask dad for more money", but that's still not a super answer, or much of a sustainable situation. And I don't even know what they kids are going to be like at school. My MN's just been suspended last week for being violent to the teachers, even before this, so who knows how he's going to act. And social services haven't even really got involved yet, but they probably will. But for now, it's just a lot of "ooh, I feel really bad for how I acted now", and "ooh, let's talk", and it's all just sort of gone back to weirdly calm.
