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On Monday, there will be an election in a country I don't even live in that I'm incredibly nervous about, and also I have to remember to order a repeat prescription.

Life is so odd.

Hearing my dad's racism and islamophobia increase the longer I'm in lockdown with him is also unpleasant, but hey ho. Maybe it's not increasing. Maybe I'm just hearing more of it.

I love Fatal Frame. I love how female it is. Always female main baddies, and generally female main characters. I love it quite a lot considering I've only ever seen Let's Plays of the games, and played about half of one myself. I can't tell what it means, but the episode % says I'm currently at 46%. If that only relates to episodes I've unlocked, and not what I've done in each chapter, that means I'm still only halfway through it. Which means if I keep playing it I'll probably go past Halloween, which is always weird with scary stuff, but I care enough about the story now to stick with it I think. The story is maybe a bit less compelling than previous games I've seen, because people were generally trapped in those, but in this game they just keep choosing to go back to a mountain filled with murderous ghosts and curses. To try to save people, but still. Back to Hell Death Mountain is basically the theme of every chapter. But I love the characters. Except the stupid man I have to play who walks in water as though it is quicksand. But mostly I love it.
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The social worker did come by yesterday, and when I came downstairs my parents were outside with him in the garden, and our dog was inside. Knowing that our dog doesn't like being left alone too much, and is a bit suspicious of strangers, I lifted him up so he could see them out the window, and gave him a bit of a cuddle, which involved pressing my face up against his fur a little bit. I did consider whether I wanted to do that, given that I've heard coronavirus can be passed on in pet fur, but I figured it had been a day since he'd even been out for a walk (it was actually two days), and I didn't think it would last in 'fabric' as long as all that. I put him down and got on with breakfast, and shortly afterwards things happened and the meeting with the social worker ended. And my mum came in saying he'd been there two hours, and 'he's been petting the dog as well'.

Which wasn't great for me, obviously. I've been trying to rationalise it to myself, that it's probably a very low-risk way for coronavirus to spread or else they'd talke about it more in the papers, that it only really matters if the social worker had coronavirus in the first place (he's from Oldham and has been travelling all around the country visiting kids), and that he had a mask on so hopefully was following other guidelines like washing his hands and not touching his face to not even transmit it in the first place. But I'm still going to be watching myself for symptoms for a week, and my parents for symptoms just in case I'm asymptomatic for two weeks. It's not the scary start to Spook Month I was hoping for.

Nothing really got said at the meeting, I don't think. That court case never happened, or was just a pre-hearing or something, because the actual one is now in February (for now). The social worker said he was sticking around, and worried about my nephews' behavioural problems, which we all are, so we'll see. I didn't meet him, but mum and dad seem to think he's fine.

I also called my manager, and he did remember me, which is nice. But he said largely what I thought he'd say - that nothing's really changed since lockdown started, and after the recent restrictions that have been put in place the company we work for just wants to continue as they are currently for the foreseeable future. Which does sound like they're not planning to tear up the contract and fire us all at least - but also sounds like they're not planning to call us back in any time soon, or ask us to come in part-time so the government can top up our wages. So I reckon I had better get used to not being paid after the furlough scheme runs out. I have a bit of money to be going on with though, and no real outlays or dependants, so it won't be too much of a hardship. Just sort of annoying and boring and I won't be able to support the economy too much. And mum and I will probably have to have a conversation about the rent I pay her. But hopefully it will only be temporary though. And I might qualify for benefits in the meantime. I don't know how I would technically be seen on that front. And I also wouldn't really like to have to go to the Jobcentre.
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Well, it's the end of September, and I've heard nothing from work, so I guess I'll be calling my manager tomorrow. I hope he recognises the sound of my voice.

Also, it turns out that court case never happened last Friday? I think? Because my sister never mentioned anything about it, nor anyone else, and I feel like someone would have. But the social worker is coming to see my parents tomorrow, for some reason, so I guess they can ask him then.

I have been putting up new pictures in my bedroom, and I keep thinking I can see something out of the corner of my eye. Because I can, it's a picture that wasn't there before today.
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We had a bit of a palaver today. Contact has been getting established again for my nephews and the rest of the family, as I said my parents went through to Cumbria last weekend to see my youngest nephew. They were supposed to see my middle nephew in Lancashire sometime this week - and then got a call on Sunday, I think, asking if they were coming down tomorrow. Which was a surprise to them. In the end they arranged to see him this weekend - then the new restrictions came in. Mum got a call from my MN's home yesterday to say they'd have to cancel the visit. She asked who had said that, whether it was them or Social Services, and they said they had to follow the national guidelines. She pointed out that the national guidelines didn't actually say family couldn't meet up outside, and the guy at the home said he would ask the kids' social worker for a final decision.

They called this morning, before I got up, to say the social worker had okayed it and we could go see him on Saturday. Then - possibly because I was worrying a bit about travelling, using public toilets and going to cafes - mum actually looked up the current guidelines, and realised that the place my MN is in is currently under one of the North-East lockdowns. And it explicitly said, in a regional newspaper article, that people cannot socialise outside their own households in the area, and that people from outside the area shouldn't visit. Which is pretty clear-cut, and since my mum is in one of the more vulnerable groups, she wasn't comfortable going anyway. So then they had to call the home and cancel the trip, after the home had told my MN they would be coming. Which was a real shame. But it feels like they and the social worker should have been a bit more on-the-ball about their own local restrictions. But anyway, it's done now.

And the social worker was possibly busy, because it turns out the hearing for my sister's custody of the kids has been moved up to tomorrow. She currently has 50% custody, as she voluntarily agreed to give them up into care. The court case will determine whether the kids go back to her, or whether Social Services gets 100% custody, for I don't know how long. We can't really see the kids going back to her, so we're expecting a very particular outcome for the case. The hearing was supposed to be held in August, and then the lockdown meant it was pushed back to October, and then my mum heard it might have been pushed back again to December, and then today we found out it was tomorrow. Straightforward.
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My mum had her last shift at the hospital on Friday, after something like 37 years. I feel like it's the end of an era, but mum doesn't seem that bothered by it. I guess she thinks it's time, and she just says she feels free. I'm guessing the coronavirus is probably adding to that at the moment. She did get exposed to quite a few suspected cases, despite all the procedures in place. Anyway, the house is filled with flowers now from her co-workers saying goodbye, and she is done with it. Unless she gets called back in during another crisis, I guess.

I have been playing a lot of Crusader Kings 3. It's weird how invested you can get in when you can have your next feast (it reduces stress and makes my vassals like me more? get in). Currently I'm trying to achieve the game's suggested goal of using my Irish queen to reclaim Brittania, and make it all Celtic again. I don't think I'm going to achieve it given the amount of time left in the middle ages, given the year we're at in the game, but it's been fun. The game's full of bugs though. You get obese, seemingly out of nowhere, and the decision to try to lose weight doesn't seem to do anything but make you stressed out. Lots of people are having the same issue. So then your ruler might just die out of nowhere, before you're ready to pass things on to their kids, and there's not much you can do about it except risk giving them a heart attack. Hopefully they'll sort that stuff out soon.

And Playstation are having another conference tomorrow night. Presumably where they're going to announce the release date and price for the PS5s (barring the gold one), and also where they're going to talk about games, so maybe some new announcements? I'm hoping for Wild to make a return, and maybe Silent Hill to be announced, but that's much more of a longshot. Mostly at this point I just want them to open pre-orders, so I can have some idea of if I'm even going to get one this holiday. I'm confident that my local games shop will put my name down for one of the first ones they get, but I'm not confident of how many units my local independent games shop will get. But things are moving on! I will be unavailable for 40 minutes tomorrow at 9pm. I am excite.
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My parents went to the contact on Tuesday, and no-one at the cafe checked to see how many households were in the group, so they all just sat together at one table inside. And my sister refused to wear a mask because "I'm alright", and my mum couldn't get through to her that masks are for other people's protection, not her own. But the weather wasn't as bad as predicted, so they managed to have a short break to all go out to a park together. So that was nice, I guess, and we'll see if anything happens because of it in two weeks time.

I successfully took my cat to the vet yesterday. She didn't like the cat carrier (first time she's been in one for about ten years), and as it was so early in the morning we couldn't get a good rhythm of letting her out then calling her back in again. So she weed in the carrier on the way to the vet (she did not like the car either), and pooed in it on the way back. But they clipped her nails, and there was no infection in the ingrown one so there's nothing more that needs doing with that, and the vet and nurse came out afterwards talking about what a lovely cat she is and so friendly to everyone, and <3 They did not say that about our little, half-Lhasa Apso dog when he went for his jabs the other week. She's a very good cat. So it's done with no lasting harm or need for me to pin her down and clean a wound going forward, and it stressed me out but I'm very happy with the outcome.

Still nothing from work, and I'm genuinely curious what's going to happen next. The thing is, apart from everything else happening with the world, we had a building move planned for this autumn/winter, and I can't think of any reason that wouldn't go ahead if it's all been paid for. Apart from anything else, it was to save on space/rent, so it means everyone will be pushed in all together more than they were before. But regardless of that - a lot of people will still be working from home - I can't imagine they're going to want to call people back in now, getting going in the old building, and then move to the new building and get people all set up again there. It might make sense to just leave it until they move to the new building, and I don't remember if that was supposed to be December. Definitely the last quarter of the year. So I don't know. We'll see. For all I know, they've decided they don't need receptionists anymore at all, or not 3 desk-sharing, and my company are just leaving me on the payroll until the furlough scheme runs out. Who knows? But if they do leave me on the furlough scheme then fire me, I've worked out that I have three more paydays before then, so that's something to go on with at least.
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After many months of no contact with the kids, besides face-timing and a few unapproved-of visits (my MN straight up took a taxi from his home to my sister's house a few times), contact has now been arranged through social services for tomorrow. But it's a contact for my ON, my MN, my sister and both my parents, and while we were very prepared for contacts in an outside area like a park, it's been arranged for a nearby garden centre with a cafe and a few outdoor areas. But Storm Francis is supposed to be rolling in tomorrow, and the weather looks terrible all day, like more than 90% chance of rain every hour until the evening. And if they sit inside the cafe, they're apparently not supposed to have more than two households at the same table - and they have to give their contact details for track-and-trace, so the cafe will absolutely know about it. There are four households just with my parents, sister and nephews, and that's if no social workers are also there to supervise. My ON is apparently wary of seeing my MN, so they arranged for them to have contact separately - but that's still at least three households, and having two separate 'sessions' means the whole thing is now looking to stretch from 11am to 3pm. And infection rates keep rising, and my sister and nephews have been hanging around with all sorts of people, so my mum (70+) isn't sure she wants to be inside with them all anyway. So the upshot is, she's thinking about cancelling and just letting the two boys see their mum, and the whole thing's really just a bit of a mess. Partly because of the weather, which no-one could predict, but partly because social services seems to be trying to smush everyone in together. Which is not ideal, and not really what mum and dad hoped for, given the current situation. They're hoping other contact can be arranged, with just them and one of the boys, on an ongoing basis. But it's a mess, and a stress my mum really doesn't need right now.

Our dog has also been chewing his paw and limping slightly since the night before last. I gave him a bath yesterday, hoping that would wash out anything that might be caught in the fur, and it seemed to make things better for a few hours, but then he was back to licking it again and limping. We're all hoping he just injured it a bit on a walk, maybe a strain or graze since we can't find a cut, and now he's chewing it and making it hurt, and it will clear up after a few days. But if it continues, we might have to take him to the vet. Mostly he's just sad we keep leaving him behind for walks at the moment, but at least he's in high enough spirits to want to come on a walk at all.

Speaking of which, I have to get up at about 8.30am for the vet appointment for my cat on Thursday. I never managed to get up for 9am to call for any same-day appointments that were sooner, but I will certainly have to get up for the actual appointment. I'm currently getting up at around 1pm every day. Pray for me.

About a week to go until the beginning of September, and I still haven't heard anything from my place of work. Who knows what they'll ask me and when. The furlough scheme lasts until the end of October. Every day is a rollercoaster.

I think it might finally be time to sell the house to buy more jewellery. Don't tell my parents.
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This week has been rough. The heatwave came at a very interesting time for my family.
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Rationally, I do think that joggers who huff and puff past you without staying the suggested 1m away should have their legs cut off.

I'm still doing the shampoo detox on my hair. Mostly my hair just looks and smells greasy. I suspect I might have hair that's too naturally greasy to look nice without chemicals, or I'm not living healthily enough to have my body send it generous nutrients. But then I also had a weird half-period for a week or so, which obviously messes with your hormones, so I've been trying to wait it out and see if things improve after that. Life is obviously a lot simpler without having to shampoo my hair, as well. But I think I might have to go back to the shampoo this weekend if things don't dramatically improve.

I was half-interested in the Xbox showcase that's happening on Thursday, but now hearing that it'll be some third-party stuff and not just Xbox's own games makes me genuinely look forward to it. I suspect that Bethesda will announce things there, if they have anything to announce, given that they love Xbox. I'm guessing a Starfield update is due. But who knows. Given that I'm not an Xbox person or planning to get one, I'm not too interested in the Xbox games, but I'm always willing to be pleasantly surprised. It bothers me how everyone seems to act like we have to give the same credit and attention to Xbox as to Playstation, despite Xbox not having done half the things or having half the success Playstation has. And they're starting to make me hate the term 'consumer friendly'. I feel like I don't want to just consume. And games-as-a-service and subscription services make me feel nauseous, but that's just me I guess. Plenty of other people seem to enjoy their approach. My big concern is that they'll continue on with their old tactic of waiting till a game or studio is popular, and then buying exclusive access to the sequel or the rest of their work. There's nothing to say that Hellblade 2 is an exclusive yet, but it wouldn't surprise me. But again, I am always willing to be pleasantly surprised. I love it, in fact.

The social worker came by today and more or less said there's no chance of having my nephews over to stay any time soon. As far as she's concerned, there's a blanket restriction on all inter-household visits for our whole district. Which is a little frustrating for my parents, because my ON is living with another foster child, and the foster parents have been taking him to see his sister and having the sister over to stay for months. I think while the most severe lockdown was happening actually, but I don't know for sure. The social worker also knows about that, and is confused by why it's happening, but she says as far as she's concerned no sleepovers. We can go see them outside, but we can't have them over. So that's a bit of a shame. Also a relief, from a health anxiety point-of-view, but still a shame for the kids and our family and the foster parents as well. My YN's foster mother is still really struggling with him, but hopefully something might get worked out school-wise to help her out tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
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Thanks to some advice from jekesta, I managed to order the things on Marks and Spencers. Apparently it just doesn't like Firefox, despite claiming it does. Also I ordered the things I wanted, then looked at another thing that went out of stock a few days ago, and it was back in stock despite not appearing in site searches, and I couldn't be bothered to cancel or edit my order so I just ordered that too and now have to pay two delivery charges. Not super impressed with Marks and Spencer .com.

I keep ordering tabletop games, and then realising I will have no-one to play them with for a long time. I think I'm a bit too competitive to begin with, and then mixing that in with your family and also people you must spend 24 hours with for the forseeable future doesn't seem like a great plan. Honestly I struggle to see how the country will reopen for a long while yet, because wherever you go, whatever you take with you, you will eventually need to use the toilet - and the perils of public toilets and using other people's toilets has been made super clear. Obviously, you'll go out if you have to, but other than that - and the people who clearly don't give a damn - I can't see how it's safely doable.

My job never called me back. I was planning to call them, just to ask what was happening then, but the longer they don't call me, the less inclined I am to call them. It's so inconsiderate, and I know they're busy and probably having a difficult time at the moment, but seriously, a phone call? Just to let me know what's going on, when they called me first? It doesn't seem like that much to expect. So bollocks to them. They can call me again, if they want something from me.

I ran out of shampoo last week, and have decided to try not using it and see what happens. I've been told many things about how it strips out your natural hair oil, and that will come back if you don't use shampoo for a while. Now seems as good a time as any to try it out. I went to get into the shower on Tuesday, all ready to throw over my hair-washing routine, and then the shower broke. Well, the shower itself is fine, and the water heater. But I went to try to turn the temperature down, and the dial made a horrible grinding noise, and no matter what I did the water just seemed to get hotter not colder. Finally the water was at 51 degrees (C) and the dial just refused to move any more, and I gave it up and got in the bath. It's been a rollercoaster for getting washed, is what I'm saying. But I'm still relatively clean.

They've cancelled the Playstation event that was going to happen tonight, because of the protests in America. Selfishly I'm disappointed, and it is nice to have something nice to look forward to when a lot of things are terrible, but rationally I know it was the right choice. And, cynically, probably the best business decision for Playstation - there are probably a lot of people who couldn't give two hoots about a videogame showcase right now. But it's not happening tonight, regardless. The Sims expansion is still out as far as I know, and it is a green living expansion, but I was hoping for something more rustic and farm-y than what they're currently releasing, and apparently they keep updating the code for horses in the game, so I just want horses nowwwwwww, and they might well bring all of that out in September, September would be an ideal time for a farm/harvest pack, but September isn't now, so I'm excited about this pack but also not completely excited. I am full of demands.
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Still nothing from my boss, but train journeys have now appeared online for me, at pretty much exactly the same times and schedules as before. I went through an interesting period last night of trying to look at different train journeys, just in case they were somehow just cancelling mine. I found a couple of others, but then realised they were with different train companies than Northern Rail. I told my parents about it though, and mum started doing some research of her own, and found that there was a schedule up for w/c 8th June, just not this week. But that week also had a note saying that new timetables were coming in, and none of the journeys they were showing were guaranteed. Which is also what every journey with trains other than Northern Rail was saying. It was very confusing, is my point. But now things seem to be up and confirmed, and I can still get from my local station to Leeds, if they confirm they want me to come in. But they haven't confirmed they want me to come in so far.

This whole re-opening thing looks pretty shaky, doesn't it?

Meanwhile, my parents (and I) are still pretty devastated about what's happening with my YN, but we got a call a few days ago about my MN, and when mum called back she found out that the centre he's at had asked to terminate his placement there in February - which they haven't mentioned on any of the calls my dad's been making to them since then - but they're now moving him to a place in Barnsley. Which is still not super close to our house, but much much closer than Birmingham. So the lord giveth and the lord taketh away, I guess?

Playstation have announced a showcase of games coming to the Playstation 5 for this Thursday, which is something I've been waiting for for a very long time. The new Sims expansion is out on Thursday night, also, and I'll definitely be able to play it by Friday. And on the 1st of June there'll be new bugs and fish to catch in Animal Crossing, which I'll be able to look for day 1 if I'm not required to go into work, and who knows whether I will be. So I am excite.
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I spoke to my boss today, and the conversation was inconclusive. He said some things - they were trying to make it safer, they were installing a perspex screen, but it probably wouldn't be up for the day they were asking me to start back - ? - but there would be masks available and hand sanitisers. He couldn't tell me about shifts on the desk, and whether it would be cleaned in between people sitting there, because he didn't know who was coming back. He hadn't thought at all about people handing me things, but was happy for me to come up with new procedures I felt comfortable with. But mostly he said that he'd only called people last week to sort of put the feelers out for who might or might not be available/willing to come back, and it wasn't really a summons or anything. And he said that the government wasn't telling businesses what to do, exactly - which is a fair point - so the best thing to do would be to wait for Thursday's announcement and see what gets said then - whether Boris decides that if you can't avoid public transport, you shouldn't go back to work - and just sort of take it from there. So at least we're discussing things, but I'm still hanging on till Thursday to get a better idea of what's going to happen next week. Apparently my boss has been in throughout lockdown, as have all our cleaning staff. And the weird postroom man he/we all hate. And he and I were both baffled why our company would want reception opening back up at all. So. We'll see. They haven't even updated the train timetables yet, like they said they would. I assume they're waiting for Thursday too.

But we're having some trouble on the family front. My MN had some trouble a while back, running off without permission, and the centre he was at were worried he was being groomed by drug dealers. But the police have investigated, and apparently he was just hanging out with boys his own age - the 'presents' the centre said he came back with were actually pop and crisps from some boy's mum. But our social worker - we have a new one, as the previous one is now away from work for whatever reason - thinks that centre's not the right place for him, anymore, so they're looking at moving him to another placement whenever that's possible and they figure out a new place for him. But we also have my YN, who was with a nice lady quite near to where we live. But she is now at the end of her tether with his behaviour, and she never gets a break during lockdown, so she's now asked for his place there to be terminated. It's not really her fault - before she took him on, she was told he was attending school, so she wouldn't have him 24/7 and could have some time to herself, and go to her other job. But he wasn't really in school, and none of the organisations involved ever sorted him out a new school for three months when he was first there, or any kind of placement since the lockdown began. So she really didn't sign up for what she's got. At least before the lockdown, mum and dad could have him over sometimes and give her break, but now she says she's just dealing with his behavioural problems 24/7. She was in tears on the phone to my mum last night. So now his placement's ending. And we don't know where he'll go next. And it's kind of the fault of the people who said they would take care of him. And it really sucks. And we can't even go see him, or have him over here, for a bit of familiarity, whenever he goes to a new placement. Wherever that might be. So that kind of sucks.
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Well, I have been called up. I had a missed call on my phone this morning when I woke up, from my manager - called him back, and he said the place we work for is looking to reopen again on June 1st, so they were calling round everyone seeing what the situation was for people coming back in. Against all my assumptions - and to my manager's surprise - the one thing the business is specifically asking for is reception. So I have a decision to make. I asked quite straightforwardly if I was fired if I didn't want to go back, and he said he didn't know, he would have to ask that question, there was a lot of sympathy within the government guidelines. I mentioned my vulnerable-age-group parents and public transport. But he just said to think it over, which I will. They're not calling me back tomorrow, or even next week, at least. It's still a little surprising. At the moment, with the weather as lovely as it is and people I know having been relatively untouched by the pandemic, I feel like I could go back in. And they are paying me, which I like, and it is fair enough to actually earn the money I'm being paid. But I don't know how I'm going to feel actually going back in. Mum and dad don't see a problem with it, if the social distancing guidelines are followed, so at least they're not uncomfortable with the idea. I think I'm going to discuss it with my mental health worker tomorrow, and probably call my manager back and just ask what changes are in place to make it safe and follow guidelines. Also, I assume they're also insisting the cleaners come back? But he didn't make it sound like that. I don't even know if the rest of the office, or my manager, would be there if I went back.

Also I just had an argument with my parents about a package that arrived for me. My dad opened it, thinking it wouldn't be an infection risk with the contents inside - but joke's on him, because it was a book with a plastic dustjacket anyway. Then, while I was asking him what he'd done and while he'd done it, my mum decided to wipe the dustjacket down with a disinfectant wipe, including the bit inside the cover, which has possibly damaged the inside pages a bit. And I know there is very little infection risk and the damage is probably minor. But it's my package, and literally neither of them wanted to ask me what I wanted doing with it before they messed with it. I have a system, and even if it's an over-the-top system it's mine, and my decision. So now I've argued with them, and relations with my dad are probably frayed.

Also I was have kinky sex dreams about terminators last night. Also I've discovered my local games shop is open again, while looking for ways I could possibly support them online. I want to support them, but I wasn't expecting to be offered the chance to go back in as I did before, before the shops are even supposed to be opening again (maybe) on June 1st. I'm going to call them and see what the what is. I have to go into town this week to get my prescription anyway, so fuck it. May as well go around all the shops as well. And to be fair, given all the garden centres and furniture shops reopening immediately after Boris' last announcement, I've realised I no longer know what a 'shop' is anyway.
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I got an email this week from my company, saying over the next two weeks they're going to be discussing things with their clients regarding possible back-to-work strategies. It actually came on Wednesday, but I didn't see it till yesterday, oops. My work email is not super active. Anyway, I don't really know what to expect. Obviously it's unreasonable to expect to be paid for months and months and months while I stay home and rest, but I honestly struggle to see how they're going to want me to go back. The lockdown is probably not going to be lifted by much, if at all, tomorrow, and even when it sort of is, people are still going to be expected to stay home as much as possible. And for people who can work from home, which our company clearly can now, I'm guessing a lot of people will work from home anyway - if they're not outright encouraged to. If that's true of my company, there won't be a lot of people coming in so no need for car park management, and they're probably not going to be wanting visitors or people on site no matter what - so I struggle to see what use a receptionist would be. I've been vaguely, cravenly hoping that the fact our facilities company have a contract with the larger company, including paying for receptionist cover, means they'll still have to pay my company until the contract runs out, and my company by law will have to pay me. So if the government insist or advise I have to stay home, since I wouldn't be doing very much even if I go in, I'll just be paid for months and months and months for staying home.

But it probably won't work out like that. They might insist I go in just for the sake of it, if we have a contract. Or - as was suggested to me by other members of staff when things all started - my company might just insist they won't pay me for nothing, so if there's no need for me as a receptionist, I'll have to go in as a cleaner, and just make up the hours in some way. Which will be very interesting for me, both from an OCD perspective, and the perspective of not really wanting to be massively exposed to potential infection right now. I think I'm mostly assuming they'll let me go? But then wondering if maybe contracts and it being a national situation means they won't be able to. I guess I'll see. But it sounds like things are happening - things that might come to nothing, depending on the government's advice, but still.

But it has made me think of the wider issue of going back, for the country, because workers can't just go back to a workplace by themselves - if you're going to run a workplace, you're going to need cleaners. And a lot of the cleaners if this country are either BAME or fairly old - it's certainly the case at my workplace. And given that those groups are much more vulnerable to the virus, it seems completely unreasonable to demand they become the most exposed to potential infection. Especially for the pittance cleaners are generally paid. But what are people going to do? Hire a whole new industry of cleaning staff, while also paying our current cleaners because it's not their fault they have to stay at home, and they shouldn't have to become destitute for it? At this point, having me go back as a cleaner rather than our usual staff starts to seem like the most reasonable option - except for living with my mum and dad, who I don't really want to expose to anything. I'm honestly not sure how we're going to handle it, as a country. I don't trust us to handle it well.

Also, my sister texted my mum yesterday, and mentioned she thought the Coronavirus was no worse than seasonal flu, and it was just population control, 'world was evil'. It's hard to tell if she was joking or now believes that stuff. She has medication she's not taking at the prescribed dose in favour of 'doing what feels right for her', so honestly anything could be happening.
girlofprey: (Default)
NB: I have to live with my dad, and I can't leave.

On a more practical note, I am going to phone work tomorrow to confirm that I am not essential and won't be expected to come in next Monday. I assume I'm not, they don't even need receptionists on the weekend, when people are in. And I will ask what the pay situation is, although I'm not hopeful for that. I don't even know if I'll get paid for the week and paid leave I've had any time soon, will anyone be in to do payroll? I don't know.

I mean, fucking finally, though. I've been trying to think about what I can/will do for the next three weeks though, and have started to realise I really don't know what 'essential' is, or who key workers are. Like, I assume people still have to come collect the bins? But they haven't mentioned that in the key workers list. Meanwhile bank workers were on there, but to what degree? And I'd been assuming I could still order things from Amazon or whatever, for boredom reasons, because they said people were still getting deliveries in Italy during lockdown, but it seems so unlikely they would consider books from the Book Depository essential. Maybe they just meant food deliveries? No-one is being super clear. I bought a couple of things over the weekend, and I don't even know if they'll be posted, if post people are among the ones who now have to stay home. Which services will still run? What does it mean?

It's my birthday on Friday. I got into astrology over the last few months, mostly because I was looking for things to redecorate my room with, and all anyone says about Aries is that they like bright red, and bright red is my favourite colour, so they would just say 'try redecorating with these red things!', and I was very happy to look at them. Anyway, the point is that I was looking forward to Aries Season, and now lockdown.

But on a specifically birthday-related note, I had plans for this week, with my time off. I was going to go to Colchester zoo, which is apparently the only zoo in England that has spotted hyenas, which I love. But then it seemed like things might have to be cancelled, so there was no point booking them, so that was a no. I was going to go on a coach trip to the Yorkshire Dales, which I've never been to, but then you weren't supposed to gather in small places with strangers, so no. I thought we might be able to go to a nice pub nearby for Sunday lunch, but no. I thought at the very least I could convince someone to take me to Pizza Hut this week, but no. Lockdown. My mum is working on my birthday, so at this point it's not even looking like we'll be able to get the household to gather round and sing round a cake. And they don't know what to buy me at the best of times, so I was mostly expecting money, but we're not supposed to handle cash at the moment so it'll be a bank transfer I never seen. I suppose I might see mum in the morning, if I get up. There are bigger problems at the moment, obviously, and lots more people will have to miss birthdays as the lockdown goes on, but still. It's disappointing.

There has been no yelling from the kitchen, so I assume any water damage hasn't shown through so far, dad and I already argued tonight because he likes Boris Johnson and I thought his announcement was vague and unclear, pray for me.
girlofprey: (Default)
Christmas aggravation, warning for homophobia )

So that was Christmas, anyway. Don't know when we'll see my ON again, but hopefully soon. Bit tumultuous. But now we're on our own. I'm trying to clear out my bedroom a bit, and constantly disappointed by my inability to just throw everything away when I'm clearly not using it. But I'm getting through it. Bit by bit. I have big plans.
girlofprey: (Default)
Well, it's been a weird Christmas so far. We had Christmas dinner on Sunday, because mum won't be in to cook it tomorrow (she's a nurse and working). My MN is now in a residential unit in Birmingham, an hour and three quarters away, and we weren't sure we were going to get to see him tomorrow, or over the holidays at all. My dad had a plan to drive down after my mum went to work, but he couldn't just decide to do that, he had to tell a social worker and the residential unit and wait to see if they okayed it. They didn't get back to us until yesterday morning, and said no he couldn't. Then it turned out that they'd misunderstood and thought my dad wanted to do some meeting halfway thing, which they didn't have the staff for, and said yes. Then he offered to come for around 3pm, they said that wouldn't be great as they might be eating, and asked if he could come for 10am instead. To a place a two hour drive away. Anyway, he said yes, and then the question of whether I was going with him seemed to occur (I'd been thinking about it and discussing it with mum), and I said I didn't think I could get up at 7am on Christmas morning to start driving across the county, given my current emotional wellbeing. So we've changed it to arriving at midday. So instead of getting up and spending the morning with mum before she leaves around 12pm, we're now getting up at 9am, doing presents or whatever, then me and dad are leaving at about 10am, before mum goes to work, to get there for 12pm. Then spending an hour or two with him, then driving back for two hours, to have Christmas dinner at about 4pm, which will be a couple of instant meals from the supermarket.

Mum's not seeing any of the kids tomorrow, since she's working, and then my ON and YN and my sister are coming over on Boxing Day. Supposedly their foster parents have gotten them gifts too so they'll have things on Christmas Day, but it still seems a bit weird. But the best we can do. Just weird.

Some traditions remain however. We're having a buffet-style meal tonight, out of party food from Marks and Spencer's, including the seasonal favourite, prawn balls. And mum and I will be fighting over the scissors and tape as we wrap our presents at the last minute tonight. And then it'll be Christmas. I have Friday off, so I'm done with work at least until next week, and free as a bird. Free to look at Boxing Day sales and early January sales. But yeah. It'll be weird.
girlofprey: (Default)
Well, it's been quite a week. I don't really know how I feel about the election results. Well, devastated obviously, but I don't know what else I would have wanted. I voted Labour in the end - turns out there was no Change UK candidate in my area, only the Brexit party playing silly bastards, so in the end I just voted tactically against for the candidate most likely to beat the Tory. I didn't want Jeremy Corbyn to win, given the anti-semitism thing and the fact winning would have probably just made him double-down on everything he was doing, a lot of which I thought was wrong. He wasn't a very good leader. But I knew if he didn't, it would mean a new Labour leader but also five more years of Tories, and five years of Boris Johnson. But now...I guess I was hoping for a hung parliament, and none of the people I was dismayed by to be completely in charge. And not this huge massacre. By very, very hardline Tories. But here we are. I have three nephews now in the social care system, and a government that is not that interested in supporting the social care system. So that's...yeah. Pretty devastating.

One of the post room guys from work - a fairly nasty so-and-so, deaf, and who scowls or doesn't even acknowledge us when ever we try to ask him something - didn't turn up to work on Friday morning, then showed up at 11am drunk, shouting "the country's saved!". And had to be sent home. Yesterday, I was on the bus, and I overheard a little old lady talking to a man near her, saying something was good, and it would be even better next month when we were out of the EU, then talking about how her daughter had had to move because of abuse she received, but her daughter was a 'traitor', 'she was a traitor', 'she betrayed me'. It's very odd living in Yorkshire.

And I know Corbyn was weird, and that was probably a lot of the reason Labour voters didn't vote for him this time. But I also remember that people didn't vote for Gordon Brown when he was running, or David Milliband. And I remember that Gordon Brown's campaign went quite downhill after he wasn't too polite about the woman asking him "what are you going to do about these Poles?". And it makes me worry a little bit what it will take to get people to vote for Labour again, if anything.

But for now we just have to deal with the Tories. And Boris Johnson. And the fact the UK voted for Boris Johnson like the US voted for Trump. But at least he wasn't up against Hillary Clinton, I guess.

Anyway. Last week was rough for other reasons. We really didn't know what was happening with my YN's birthday until the night before, and I didn't get to see him because the foster mum could only come in between the times I was working for. And some stuff has been happening with my MN, although I'm hoping that's calmed down now. So yeah, I got to Thursday evening, was suddenly paralysed by fear that I'd somehow voted wrong for a while, and then realised on Friday I was completely wiped out. Had basically used my energy to get that point. And I'm still tired now. Also I checked my bank balance on Friday and found I had less money than I thought I did, which makes some of the Christmas stuff I wanted to do slightly less possible. Or I'll have to be more careful about it, at least, and careful isn't really what I want to be doing right now. But, I do have some time off. I've booked Tuesday to Friday off at work this week, so I only have to go in tomorrow, and then I have the Friday after Boxing Day off. So it's only one day of work this week, then only two next week. And I've done all my Christmas shopping, pretty much. And I get paid the Friday after Boxing Day, so if there's anything I want to do or get I can do some of it more easily after then. So yeah. I think I will be resting a lot. But I will be able to relax, at least a little. So I'm very much looking forward to that.
girlofprey: (Default)
Life:

My ON is now in a foster home. After an altercation with my sister's partner where no-one could quite decide who was telling the truth (my ON does lie plenty, about things we've literally seen him do), he came to stay with us for a bit while the police investigated. But my parents had already booked an expensive holiday for not long afterwards, and I can only just look after myself living alone and working, so it was arranged that he'd go into a foster home that week. But apparently he got on really well with his foster parents, and is now just staying there. He came back to ours the day after my parents got back, but that evening the foster parents came over and my ON went back with them, and took all the rest of his clothes, so it seems like a pretty settled thing. He's claiming he won't ever go back to my sister's house while the partner's there, and my sister is very attached to the partner and there isn't a huge amount of evidence that the partner did anything wrong besides get very frustrated with my ON, who is very frustrating. So my sister has said she doesn't think he'll ever go back. And it's selfish, but if he really is happier with the foster parents, they're better set up to have him than we are, and it's probably better that he's there. But also it feels a little quietly disturbing. Disquieting, I suppose, to have one of the kids in the family living outside the family. It's very odd.

Crusader Kings:

I figured out a bunch of stuff from the tutorial and some wikis online, turned off a few things that were outright ruining my game and made it so no-one was annoyed at female leaders, and let me tell you. My most successful dynasty so far involved a queen who had twins, then another boy, and then finally beautifully a girl, during a pregnancy and labour so difficult it nearly killed that queen. Then my queen died of illness in the middle of a (very successful) battle to try to take back a title from one of my vassals and keep it for her family. The son couldn't continue that questline because he had to start the process over again, and none of the vassals liked him enough to back him with it. Then he died in battle, leaving only his daughter who was a child, so I couldn't do shit till she grew up. I'm now attempting to get things going again with her, but all her talented relatives hate her because they want her throne, and after ten years of marriage to a man she married as soon as she came of age, she hasn't had any kids yet, so she's got no heirs. The beautiful daughter my queen originally had has grown up to be the best diplomat the world has ever seen, despite her harelip, but now she wants my current queen to go to war with Navarra so she can inherit the throne, and she hasn't even bothered to have any kids so even if I end up playing as her she'll have no heirs either. But I have changed the life focus of my current queen to Seduction, and she's just bought her husband a remarkable horse to replace his that died, so he's now deeply in love with her (+20 opinion modifier). So hopefully some kids will be forthcoming.

It's a hell of a game.

Temeraire:

Book 8 )

Work:

Work is very odd, because one of the guys I work with has lost his mother, so he's off work, and my boss in on holiday, so we're on a really low amount of staff. I'm mostly stuck with the guy who got angry with me about plastic surgery, and he's not bad generally - not that bad all the time - but I really don't feel like he's quick off the mark, and doesn't always think of things. Twice this week we've had contractors or workmen in to do something in the building, and the guy (P) hasn't said anything to me about them before he left for the day - or spoken to them as far as I know - and I was left there at half past five, knowing I have to leave at six, wondering if they'd be finished in time or if I'd have to explain to them how to get out of the building without me. I don't even know when my manager will be back, because he didn't even tell me he was going on holiday before he left. And even when he gets back he might not be around much.

But I have some time off this week - I decided to take a bit off for Halloween - so I only have to go in on Monday and Tuesday next week, and then I am free. And I don't have to worry about it.
girlofprey: (Fireworks Bloom)
I hate the fact that Halloween is always at half term. I have to decide what I'm going to do with my holiday for the rest of the year, since I have it now (and haven't been 'accidentally' forced to take it as sick leave), and I love Halloween and would genuinely like to take the week off then, and watch scary movies or play scary games or something. But it's half term, which means the other receptionist with young kids will probably want to take it off, or even if she doesn't it'll be harder for them to get her to cover my shifts, since she'll need to arrange childcare. And even if none of that's true, who wants to take time off during half-term when they don't have kids? When everything'll be busy? No-one, that's who. Fuck half-term Halloween.

I'd also really like to go to Scarefest at Halloween one year, but it seems weirdly like an invitation to star in my own horror film to go alone, and I don't have anyone to go with. So not this year.

Another thing I hate: cyclists. Yes, I know they're saving the environment. I still hate them. Decide if you're a road vehicle or a pedestrian!

Family sdlfkjsdklfjh )

Temeraire )

I've been buying some things online lately, and they're expensive enough that the sender wants me to sign for them at the door. Which is fine, but I work literally every day, and my mum and dad have stuff to do more or less every day, and DHL won't deliver on Saturdays, and all they'll say about their delivery day is "it will arrive sometime before the end of day". Which isn't helpful. I'm considering just requesting they put it through the letterbox, but that feels like a mockery of the fact I had to pay £5 for the delivery, to make it 'special'. Hmph.
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