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Jun. 18th, 2019 10:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlofpreyWell, I nearly cried on the way home from work tonight, for no particular reason, so it was a really bad time for my internet to be broken when I got home. It just wouldn't seem to connect to my computer no matter what I did that usually reset it. After giving it a few hours of rest/to fix itself, it still hadn't, so finally I went downstairs and unplugged and replugged in every plug on my ethernet connection, and shoved all the wires more firmly into the back of the modem. And now it's working again. Not the most technical solution, but I am not going to complain.
As for the crying, I don't know. I was really stressed out last week, and not just because of my sister, just because of me and everything going on with my OCD and how it affects my life, and I think I was probably holding myself pretty tensely for a week, and aiming to just get to the end of the week. And now I've gotten to the end of the week, and I just have to start a new week and go back to work again. I've got a week off next week and I don't think I've ever looked forward to time off so much in my entire life. So at the moment it's just an agonising, grating crawl to next week. I don't even really wish I was off this week, as I'm still looking forward to the Sims update on Friday and playing that next week. I just wish I didn't have to go to work this week or next week. And so I'm freaking out about things, and I can't tell if I'm actually noticing things that I'm freaking out about, or sort of imagining things or blowing them up much more than they are because I'm already so anxious, and then I got into work today to find that C - which from now on, I'm going to consider stands for Cunt - had once again done none of the car park stuff that would actually help me, and all of the car park work she's not supposed to do which makes her job easier and my job harder, and the fucking back door alarm must have gone off 20 times, to the point where I just started letting it ring, because I was getting up and switching it off and having it go off again immediately afterwards, and no-one seems to care how irritating and pointless and maddening that is for me, and no-one SWITCHES IT OFF THEMSELVES if they're going out of the back door constantly. Except the thing is, it turns out the alarm isn't even just for the back door, it also goes off whenever anyone opens a window upstairs. All of the windows in the building have big signs on them saying 'for ventilation purposes do not open', but everyone opens them anyway, especially now that the weather's hot and they're doing some sort of relocation work on one of the floors upstairs, which I assume is quite sweaty. So it's just constant ringing in my ear all day. And also, multiple people waiting till the night before to tell me "my space will be empty tomorrow, please reallocate", "I told you my space would be empty tomorrow but now I'm coming in, please give me a new parking space", "I need a taxi booked for tomorrow morning", and I'd like to think it's just the people in my building who are absolute cunts, but I'm afraid it's actually just everyone in the fucking world, and I just have to deal with that now that I'm working, and that's just what working is.
It's always a bad sign at work when I frequently, and out of nowhere, get the urge to hide under the desk and curl up in a corner.
So yes. Almost crying on the train. Also the constant anxiety and OCD and hypochondria. But it's hard to tell exactly which is causing the problem, and which other thing seems worse because of it.
So yes, looking forward to next week off. I think I need it.
Another problem that would have happened: if I didn't have the internet, I wouldn't be able to download the Sims update I'm looking forward to playing on Friday, and that would be a real bummer. Hurray for fixing things!
As for the crying, I don't know. I was really stressed out last week, and not just because of my sister, just because of me and everything going on with my OCD and how it affects my life, and I think I was probably holding myself pretty tensely for a week, and aiming to just get to the end of the week. And now I've gotten to the end of the week, and I just have to start a new week and go back to work again. I've got a week off next week and I don't think I've ever looked forward to time off so much in my entire life. So at the moment it's just an agonising, grating crawl to next week. I don't even really wish I was off this week, as I'm still looking forward to the Sims update on Friday and playing that next week. I just wish I didn't have to go to work this week or next week. And so I'm freaking out about things, and I can't tell if I'm actually noticing things that I'm freaking out about, or sort of imagining things or blowing them up much more than they are because I'm already so anxious, and then I got into work today to find that C - which from now on, I'm going to consider stands for Cunt - had once again done none of the car park stuff that would actually help me, and all of the car park work she's not supposed to do which makes her job easier and my job harder, and the fucking back door alarm must have gone off 20 times, to the point where I just started letting it ring, because I was getting up and switching it off and having it go off again immediately afterwards, and no-one seems to care how irritating and pointless and maddening that is for me, and no-one SWITCHES IT OFF THEMSELVES if they're going out of the back door constantly. Except the thing is, it turns out the alarm isn't even just for the back door, it also goes off whenever anyone opens a window upstairs. All of the windows in the building have big signs on them saying 'for ventilation purposes do not open', but everyone opens them anyway, especially now that the weather's hot and they're doing some sort of relocation work on one of the floors upstairs, which I assume is quite sweaty. So it's just constant ringing in my ear all day. And also, multiple people waiting till the night before to tell me "my space will be empty tomorrow, please reallocate", "I told you my space would be empty tomorrow but now I'm coming in, please give me a new parking space", "I need a taxi booked for tomorrow morning", and I'd like to think it's just the people in my building who are absolute cunts, but I'm afraid it's actually just everyone in the fucking world, and I just have to deal with that now that I'm working, and that's just what working is.
It's always a bad sign at work when I frequently, and out of nowhere, get the urge to hide under the desk and curl up in a corner.
So yes. Almost crying on the train. Also the constant anxiety and OCD and hypochondria. But it's hard to tell exactly which is causing the problem, and which other thing seems worse because of it.
So yes, looking forward to next week off. I think I need it.
Another problem that would have happened: if I didn't have the internet, I wouldn't be able to download the Sims update I'm looking forward to playing on Friday, and that would be a real bummer. Hurray for fixing things!
