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Apr. 22nd, 2019 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlofpreyI've gotten spotty, out of nowhere. For years, most of my life really, I've had pretty clear skin, which was a blessing I appreciated, but now all of a sudden I'm just getting spots all over one of my cheeks and my chin. I feel like it might be something to do with how I sleep, like maybe I need to change my pillowcase for a clean one? But I feel like I'm not changing it any less frequently than I used to, and this didn't happen before. I mostly don't mind, except that it hurts, it makes it hard for me to touch my face without accidentally causing myself pain and aggravating the spots, and it actively makes it harder for me to sleep, because most of the positions I can comfortably sleep in put pressure on the spots, and if they don't make them immediately hurt I worry it's going to make them worse by the morning, so I just don't do it. So it's hard to particularly relax in bed or sleep. And I just don't know why this has cropped up so suddenly, maybe the change in season has affected my hormones? Or I skipped my pill by accident for a while? I don't know, but it's bothering me, and I guess I'm going to have to do something to try to make it better, even though all of my routine worked perfectly before.
Easter. It was nice. My mum worked yesterday, so we didn't have an Easter dinner, and we're not having one today, just a chinese takeaway. But we went out to Nostell Priory on Saturday, as the weather was so lovely. I wanted to see bluebells, and the National Trust claim that's one of the best places to see them in Yorkshire, which is nice because it's only about 20 minutes away. We also took my MN though, who was fine with the trip, but then almost immediately got bored with nature walks, then got interested again when he could skim stones on the lake, then got bored again. But it was nice. We saw an angry swan on her nest, and some ducklings on a pond, and some crows hanging out on the edges of the pond that possibly wanted to eat them. And bluebells.
Other than that, I've really enjoyed being off work. I always have a lot of plans for what I'm going to do if I get a decent break from work - I'm going to read some nature books I have, and some comics, and tidy my room, and go through some of the old CDs I'm trying to get rid of, and replay some of the big games I love. Instead I mostly play the same games I was playing anyway, and watch Youtube videos, which I would have probably watched anyway - but more. But it was still a nice break from work, and so lovely to just relax for a day and know I didn't have to immediately start getting back into the headspace for going back to work the next day.
As for work, I don't know. I accidentally got caught up in some cleaner conflict last week, where one of the (black, male) cleaners got upset about the job one of the (white, female) cleaners had been doing, because he'd been caught having finished all his work and putting his coat on 45 minutes before his shift was over the week before, by the literal head of the cleaning staff, and given an extra job to do. He then started criticising the job the other cleaner did during the day - because she can't really do very much with it, because it's during the day, and everyone's using the desks and areas that need to be cleaned - and saying some people like him do their jobs, and some people like her don't, and he gets criticised and she doesn't, and also she just happens to be the friends with the head of the cleaning staff and go out for cigarette breaks with her a lot, and it was discrimination. The (older) woman he was criticising happens to be someone who had a mini-stroke a few weeks ago, and came back to work two days later. So that was awkward. And he was saying all this to me, because it was the reception area they were supposed to be cleaning. Then the two cleaners literally had an argument about it, because apparently the day before this guy had brought all the other cleaners down to reception to show them how dirty some wall was, and say had bad a job this other woman and fellow cleaner was doing. Then the female cleaner said on her way out that she was off for a week now, which was probably best, and that she still felt like she wanted to go back to that guy and apologise. I suggested maybe he wasn't in a place to hear it, and she didn't. But wait, there's more! I mentioned to the supervisor (the cleaner who fancies me) that this had happened, but said I didn't know if he needed to talk to male cleaner, because I didn't want them to feel like I was telling tales and I didn't know if female cleaner would want to say anything about it. But apparently male cleaner sent some random text to literally the head of the cleaning staff that evening, and she didn't realise female cleaner was off the following week, so on Monday when I got in she asked me to go somewhere and enlighten her on exactly what had happened that evening, and I more or less had to give a statement about it. It was weird. And literally only involved me because I happened to be there that late. So. Yep.
And the car park's still the car park. I've started taking sudoku to work, and a book, and just doing that instead of thinking about it. Frankly, what's become increasingly clear is that I need to leave this job, and want to leave this job. But quite outside of my own unsureness of what kind of new job I want, more full-on or full time, or more full-on and full-time, and whether I could handle more full-on and full-time, and quite outside of my own low self-esteem and doubts about whether I could even get another job, and quite outside of my own struggles and stress with job-hunting and trying to fit job-hunting in around a job - I'm not too sure that currently, with the state the country's in and all the uncertainty in politics and the looming question of Brexit, whether this is really the right time to go hunting for another job, or whether it's better to stay somewhere that is at least stable for now. Maybe that's an excuse, and there's not really any good time to go hunting for a different job and making a big change in your life, but it's stressful all the same.
Also I've been reading Pet Sematary, but I can't tell if the main character's supposed to be the kind of person who wants to be in control all the time and that's thematic, or if Stephen King just thinks that's how men are and how women are, and I can't tell if the main character's supposed to be Special, and I just want to get to the scary bits but I have to fight through the weird unlikeable characters along the way, and I don't know. Just get to the spooky bits.
Coronation Street is doing it's best and Alison King is very good, but I don't know why every storyline about women having mental health problems has to involve them being detached from reality, and I don't know why they're having Carla be blamed for a death it will turn out wasn't really her fault, again (by Alya, again), and I don't know why they're having Imran persecute a woman who isn't actually guilty of the crime she's being accused of, again, and I don't know if Alya has brought up Luke, to or in response to Kate, but it's weird that it just seems to be all the same storylines again. And I wasn't really completely watching in the run-up to the roof collapse, so I don't know how dangerous Carla thought the roof was, so I can't tell if she really will not be blamed? Or if it was still a really big risk to put her workforce through even if the actual collapse wasn't her fault? Or if her being mentally ill is going to be some sort of get-out-of-jail free card, so they can have this storyline and just handwave all that. Which would be weird? And not unlike what it felt like they were doing with Gina? I don't know. It's all just very frustrating.
Easter. It was nice. My mum worked yesterday, so we didn't have an Easter dinner, and we're not having one today, just a chinese takeaway. But we went out to Nostell Priory on Saturday, as the weather was so lovely. I wanted to see bluebells, and the National Trust claim that's one of the best places to see them in Yorkshire, which is nice because it's only about 20 minutes away. We also took my MN though, who was fine with the trip, but then almost immediately got bored with nature walks, then got interested again when he could skim stones on the lake, then got bored again. But it was nice. We saw an angry swan on her nest, and some ducklings on a pond, and some crows hanging out on the edges of the pond that possibly wanted to eat them. And bluebells.
Other than that, I've really enjoyed being off work. I always have a lot of plans for what I'm going to do if I get a decent break from work - I'm going to read some nature books I have, and some comics, and tidy my room, and go through some of the old CDs I'm trying to get rid of, and replay some of the big games I love. Instead I mostly play the same games I was playing anyway, and watch Youtube videos, which I would have probably watched anyway - but more. But it was still a nice break from work, and so lovely to just relax for a day and know I didn't have to immediately start getting back into the headspace for going back to work the next day.
As for work, I don't know. I accidentally got caught up in some cleaner conflict last week, where one of the (black, male) cleaners got upset about the job one of the (white, female) cleaners had been doing, because he'd been caught having finished all his work and putting his coat on 45 minutes before his shift was over the week before, by the literal head of the cleaning staff, and given an extra job to do. He then started criticising the job the other cleaner did during the day - because she can't really do very much with it, because it's during the day, and everyone's using the desks and areas that need to be cleaned - and saying some people like him do their jobs, and some people like her don't, and he gets criticised and she doesn't, and also she just happens to be the friends with the head of the cleaning staff and go out for cigarette breaks with her a lot, and it was discrimination. The (older) woman he was criticising happens to be someone who had a mini-stroke a few weeks ago, and came back to work two days later. So that was awkward. And he was saying all this to me, because it was the reception area they were supposed to be cleaning. Then the two cleaners literally had an argument about it, because apparently the day before this guy had brought all the other cleaners down to reception to show them how dirty some wall was, and say had bad a job this other woman and fellow cleaner was doing. Then the female cleaner said on her way out that she was off for a week now, which was probably best, and that she still felt like she wanted to go back to that guy and apologise. I suggested maybe he wasn't in a place to hear it, and she didn't. But wait, there's more! I mentioned to the supervisor (the cleaner who fancies me) that this had happened, but said I didn't know if he needed to talk to male cleaner, because I didn't want them to feel like I was telling tales and I didn't know if female cleaner would want to say anything about it. But apparently male cleaner sent some random text to literally the head of the cleaning staff that evening, and she didn't realise female cleaner was off the following week, so on Monday when I got in she asked me to go somewhere and enlighten her on exactly what had happened that evening, and I more or less had to give a statement about it. It was weird. And literally only involved me because I happened to be there that late. So. Yep.
And the car park's still the car park. I've started taking sudoku to work, and a book, and just doing that instead of thinking about it. Frankly, what's become increasingly clear is that I need to leave this job, and want to leave this job. But quite outside of my own unsureness of what kind of new job I want, more full-on or full time, or more full-on and full-time, and whether I could handle more full-on and full-time, and quite outside of my own low self-esteem and doubts about whether I could even get another job, and quite outside of my own struggles and stress with job-hunting and trying to fit job-hunting in around a job - I'm not too sure that currently, with the state the country's in and all the uncertainty in politics and the looming question of Brexit, whether this is really the right time to go hunting for another job, or whether it's better to stay somewhere that is at least stable for now. Maybe that's an excuse, and there's not really any good time to go hunting for a different job and making a big change in your life, but it's stressful all the same.
Also I've been reading Pet Sematary, but I can't tell if the main character's supposed to be the kind of person who wants to be in control all the time and that's thematic, or if Stephen King just thinks that's how men are and how women are, and I can't tell if the main character's supposed to be Special, and I just want to get to the scary bits but I have to fight through the weird unlikeable characters along the way, and I don't know. Just get to the spooky bits.
Coronation Street is doing it's best and Alison King is very good, but I don't know why every storyline about women having mental health problems has to involve them being detached from reality, and I don't know why they're having Carla be blamed for a death it will turn out wasn't really her fault, again (by Alya, again), and I don't know why they're having Imran persecute a woman who isn't actually guilty of the crime she's being accused of, again, and I don't know if Alya has brought up Luke, to or in response to Kate, but it's weird that it just seems to be all the same storylines again. And I wasn't really completely watching in the run-up to the roof collapse, so I don't know how dangerous Carla thought the roof was, so I can't tell if she really will not be blamed? Or if it was still a really big risk to put her workforce through even if the actual collapse wasn't her fault? Or if her being mentally ill is going to be some sort of get-out-of-jail free card, so they can have this storyline and just handwave all that. Which would be weird? And not unlike what it felt like they were doing with Gina? I don't know. It's all just very frustrating.
