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May. 24th, 2011 09:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
girlofpreyHello. Mostly I want to apologise for that post last night. I was quite jittery, and attempting to not let it ruin fannish things/soaps for me. Also it did make me feel a bit better to just talk about it for a bit. Sorry if it was weird and didn't make a lot of sense though.
Anyway, afterwards I talked to my mum and got plenty of sleep and I wasn't feeling too bad today. I went to the assessment, found out what my local Jobcentre assessment place looks like on the inside, had to wait half an hour for my appointment (plus the ten minutes I had to wait before I was due to be seen - apparently the computers were playing up or something), and eventually got seen. It wasn't so bad - it was mostly a lot of questions the woman (who said she was a nurse who worked there, so I guess she was a qualified medical person in some way) asked me, rather than me having to do a speech for an hour about what's happening with me and how I think it affects/would affect my ability to work. She asked pretty basic questions and I explained some things and elaborated on what she was saying, which I'm guessing was the point, letting you provide details rather than just asking questions you can lie about. I told her about my diagnosis history, she didn't ask why I wasn't on any medication (though I sort of talked about that on my form), and sort of both before and after that we talked about what a normal day for me is like. Do I have problems getting out of bed, washing and dressing, sleeping and stuff. I talked a bit about it, she asked a few questions, and typed it up on her computer. It was weird talking about it for an assessment, especially an assessment to try to get some money. But I think it went alright. I tried to explain as best I could the problems I was having, in the time I had. She didn't press me for any more details or act like that was barely a problem at all, so hopefully it went alright. We talked at the end about whether I have thoughts of self-harm, which was difficult, and I explained to her about the time when I was depressed and how I have intrusive thoughts about it sometimes, but I don't make plans or want to do it or anything. And then she just said that was all she needed to ask today and said she'd show me to the door. And that was it.
So anyway. It's over now. I just have to wait and see what happens. Like I say, I've heard all the horror stories online about people with proper physical illnesses, things you can probably measure and everything, being classed as 'fit for work', so I'm not holding out too much hope of getting it. I'd like to, obviously, but I know it might well not be anything to do with me if I don't, or not entirely because of me, or whether or not I deserve it or anything I guess. And even if I don't get it, and I'm not on any benefits for a bit, I'll still have some money coming in, so it won't be too awful. Anyway. We'll see what happens now, I guess. I am glad I've done it, and not done it too badly (I think), though.
So. Anyway. Now all I have to do is my new counselling session tomorrow, and my course on Thursday. Tomorrow should be alright, it's just weird the thought of starting all over again with a new counsellor, and the possibility I might get a counsellor I don't get on with, I guess. But hopefully that won't happen. The main thing I'm worried about now is, after a week of getting up to go to appointments, having to get up and go to my course on Thursday again. I've already been having problems getting up in time to get the bus that gets me there on time as it is, I'm not sure how I'll feel this week. But I don't have go if I don't want to, I guess. Other people skip weeks sometimes, I could too. I'll see how I feel tomorrow, I guess.
Anyway, afterwards I talked to my mum and got plenty of sleep and I wasn't feeling too bad today. I went to the assessment, found out what my local Jobcentre assessment place looks like on the inside, had to wait half an hour for my appointment (plus the ten minutes I had to wait before I was due to be seen - apparently the computers were playing up or something), and eventually got seen. It wasn't so bad - it was mostly a lot of questions the woman (who said she was a nurse who worked there, so I guess she was a qualified medical person in some way) asked me, rather than me having to do a speech for an hour about what's happening with me and how I think it affects/would affect my ability to work. She asked pretty basic questions and I explained some things and elaborated on what she was saying, which I'm guessing was the point, letting you provide details rather than just asking questions you can lie about. I told her about my diagnosis history, she didn't ask why I wasn't on any medication (though I sort of talked about that on my form), and sort of both before and after that we talked about what a normal day for me is like. Do I have problems getting out of bed, washing and dressing, sleeping and stuff. I talked a bit about it, she asked a few questions, and typed it up on her computer. It was weird talking about it for an assessment, especially an assessment to try to get some money. But I think it went alright. I tried to explain as best I could the problems I was having, in the time I had. She didn't press me for any more details or act like that was barely a problem at all, so hopefully it went alright. We talked at the end about whether I have thoughts of self-harm, which was difficult, and I explained to her about the time when I was depressed and how I have intrusive thoughts about it sometimes, but I don't make plans or want to do it or anything. And then she just said that was all she needed to ask today and said she'd show me to the door. And that was it.
So anyway. It's over now. I just have to wait and see what happens. Like I say, I've heard all the horror stories online about people with proper physical illnesses, things you can probably measure and everything, being classed as 'fit for work', so I'm not holding out too much hope of getting it. I'd like to, obviously, but I know it might well not be anything to do with me if I don't, or not entirely because of me, or whether or not I deserve it or anything I guess. And even if I don't get it, and I'm not on any benefits for a bit, I'll still have some money coming in, so it won't be too awful. Anyway. We'll see what happens now, I guess. I am glad I've done it, and not done it too badly (I think), though.
So. Anyway. Now all I have to do is my new counselling session tomorrow, and my course on Thursday. Tomorrow should be alright, it's just weird the thought of starting all over again with a new counsellor, and the possibility I might get a counsellor I don't get on with, I guess. But hopefully that won't happen. The main thing I'm worried about now is, after a week of getting up to go to appointments, having to get up and go to my course on Thursday again. I've already been having problems getting up in time to get the bus that gets me there on time as it is, I'm not sure how I'll feel this week. But I don't have go if I don't want to, I guess. Other people skip weeks sometimes, I could too. I'll see how I feel tomorrow, I guess.
