girlofprey (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
girlofprey) wrote2021-02-19 10:14 pm
girlofprey) wrote2021-02-19 10:14 pm
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I think it might finally be time for women to build a continent in the sea, Dubai-style, and just go live there, because I think we've really given men enough chances at this point. Women's lives matter.
I just want someone to buy me all the jewellery. Is that so wrong? I just want jewellery, and a sword, and a horse.
In other news, I haven't been doing so well with my anxiety lately. My mum and dad have both been vaccinated, as of last week, and I thought it would make me feel better, but now I'm just extra terrified I'm going to somehow bring Coronavirus into the house and infect us all and maybe kill my mum right before she finally got some protection. I also worry about my dad, but not in quite as specific a way as my mum. Sorry to this man. Anyway, it's led to things like me washing my hands until my skin comes off - not in a raw, bloody sort of way, but in a way where I look down at my hands a bit after washing them, wonder what those white patches are, and realise 'oh, my skin's coming off'. And also to the point that my finger joints ache afterwards, and my right shoulder from pressing so hard - which then becomes something else to feel anxious about, the possible permanent damage I'm doing to my body from my anxious behaviour. And then I get so anxious about it all my heart starts pounding, and I go to bed with my heart pounding, and I get anxious that I'm doing damage to my heart as well. So it's not great. Obviously I'm not going to go anywhere anytime soon to access a service, even after mum and dad's vaccinations have kicked in properly, because I'm quite afraid of long Covid. But I am thinking about calling one of those mental health helplines they've set up for the pandemic. The problem is, I'm not sure what they're ultimately going to tell me that I haven't already learned, as a techniques, from my extensive history of counselling, and which are techniques I'm just not using and don't feel capable of using at the moment. And also since a lot of my stress comes from my family situation, and not just my personal mental illness or the pandemic. But it might be quite good to talk about it, with sympathetic and possibly trained people. So it would probably still be worth my while to call.
I just want someone to buy me all the jewellery. Is that so wrong? I just want jewellery, and a sword, and a horse.
In other news, I haven't been doing so well with my anxiety lately. My mum and dad have both been vaccinated, as of last week, and I thought it would make me feel better, but now I'm just extra terrified I'm going to somehow bring Coronavirus into the house and infect us all and maybe kill my mum right before she finally got some protection. I also worry about my dad, but not in quite as specific a way as my mum. Sorry to this man. Anyway, it's led to things like me washing my hands until my skin comes off - not in a raw, bloody sort of way, but in a way where I look down at my hands a bit after washing them, wonder what those white patches are, and realise 'oh, my skin's coming off'. And also to the point that my finger joints ache afterwards, and my right shoulder from pressing so hard - which then becomes something else to feel anxious about, the possible permanent damage I'm doing to my body from my anxious behaviour. And then I get so anxious about it all my heart starts pounding, and I go to bed with my heart pounding, and I get anxious that I'm doing damage to my heart as well. So it's not great. Obviously I'm not going to go anywhere anytime soon to access a service, even after mum and dad's vaccinations have kicked in properly, because I'm quite afraid of long Covid. But I am thinking about calling one of those mental health helplines they've set up for the pandemic. The problem is, I'm not sure what they're ultimately going to tell me that I haven't already learned, as a techniques, from my extensive history of counselling, and which are techniques I'm just not using and don't feel capable of using at the moment. And also since a lot of my stress comes from my family situation, and not just my personal mental illness or the pandemic. But it might be quite good to talk about it, with sympathetic and possibly trained people. So it would probably still be worth my while to call.
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