girlofprey | (no subject)

My grandmother died today. It turns out she died this morning, but my dad went off somewhere and my mum went to work and - partly because I kept hearing them having conversations downstairs - I didn't get up till after that. Then my dad assumed my mum had told me, which she hadn't, so I just found out about fifteen minutes ago.

It is sad - in a way I feel like it hasn't really sunk in yet. I don't have any more grandparents now. And it's weird because with the Alzheimer's, it's not like she's really been THERE for a year or so. But now she's gone completely. It's hard to say that it's a relief, because it is sad, but she wasn't in a good way and we were basically just waiting for her to go. It's been a really funny week, the nurses kept calling my dad and saying that she was deteriorating, so he and my mum went through to Wakefield, and she was just the same. They just thought she was getting worse because she was pretty bad. And then when it finally happened it was really quick - apparently she was already dead when the nurse called this morning, and they'd checked on her just half an hour before and she'd been the same as she had been. But she ended up hanging on for a week after my sister and I saw her. She was a bit of a fighter, I think. But she was fighting all the nurses every time they tried to do anything for/to her apparently, and when I saw her she just seemed upset and frustrated, really, whenever she was awake. So I'm glad that's over for her.

It's kind of a relief for me as well, because it's been really weird, carrying on as normal but getting ready to be sad. Then wondering if she'd pull through somehow, because she kept hanging on. Again, it's hard to say it's a good thing because, you know, she's dead and I wish she wasn't. But it's better than just hanging on forever, I think. And like I say, she wasn't really a big part of my life anymore, and she wasn't having a very good time with everything. So yeah. It's over now.

We don't know about the funeral, all the bank holidays might make things difficult. And mum said she'd prefer it if it happened after the kids were back at school, because she - and I - don't really think they'd sit quietly through a church service. But I don't know. We'll see, I suppose.

So yeah. My grandma's died.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

::hugs very much::

My grandpa didn't have alzheimers, but he had dementia that was a bit like it, and it is quite weird, because you do feel relieved, but that's okay isn't it? And waiting for someone to die is the horriblest thing, because there's no polite way to do that, it's just difficult for everyone. I'm really drunk by mistake, and hope I'm not saying anything awful. ::loves::

(spell check wants to change alzheimers to alitmeters, but I think I'm closer than spell check to the truth, so I'm not letting it.)

x

::hugs back::

It is weird, because it wasn't really her anymore, and she couldn't really go anywhere or do anything, and she wasn't really going to get any better, so it was probably better this way. It's just weird, because of that, to really take in the fact that she's gone, given that she wasn't really a big part of my life anymore. But she used to be. I'm rambling, I'm sorry. It's weird that she's gone.

(It's definitely Alzheimers, she didn't have alitmeters. I don't even know what those are.)

*hugs* I haven't lost anyone with dementia (though my grandfather was seemingly on the verge of ... something, but I don't know what), but I can imagine that's a difficult feeling, what with all the gradations of loss, and the loss while the person's still alive, and then again another loss. I do know what the waiting and the weirdness is like though - so strange. I think the oddness of it all is very understandable. x

It's weird - this morning I don't feel any different. I just feel like she's at the house up the hill from us again, and I'm just not involved with her the way I'm usually not. I keep having to remind myself that she's died. I think the funeral will probably be the hardest - my maternal grandmother had dementia before she died as well, and I felt much the same way, but then ended up crying out of the blue at her funeral. That's when you look back at the times when you were close, and what you lost altogether, I guess. Another reason why they're good things to have, I think.

sorry for your loss. My gran had dementia before she died so it felt like she'd also been away from us for a while but it was still hard when it was final.

Thank you. It is difficult, mostly because like I've said, I just wasn't that involved with her the last year or so. I kind of don't think it's completely sunk in yet. But it's true, and it is sinking in I think.