I can't believe how everyone is rallying to tell you that I singled you out for hatred and sadness, in many ways they are more awful than I am. At least I made up a polite lie so you wouldn't feel ESPECIALLY HATED. I'm sort of the best friend ever.

(Isn't it an amazing card? I wish all Christmas cards were brown. I only have four of those cards, I totally didn't waste one on ANYONE BUT YOU.)