15 things.

[girlofprey]

The plan was to sort out all of the books today, get rid of some and sort the rest into neat, tidy sections; and then this evening, buouyed by a sense of my own usefulness, to answer my 5 lists' with wit, creativity and joy. But then mum wanted to go for a walk with Jack, and then it was dinnertime, and then Jack ran into a doorframe and fell on a plastic bottle and cut his lip and trapped his fingers in a door and it was JUST AWFUL, and it's just really good he can't speak yet. None of you are allowed to report us, either. And my books aren't at all neat or tidy, and I can't quite bring myself to count them and do statistics, tonight.

So the lists are going to have to be slightly off the hoof.

nerdcakes asked for:

Top 5 reasons Guy drags himself away from the bathroom mirror every morning:

1. Because there's such a thing as too much of a good thing. Also, he thinks it might be a bit gay.



2. And there are mirrors in the hospital bathrooms, anyway.



3. A vague urge to go taunt Mac.



4. Because he's suddenly noticed a faint family resemblance to Martin.



5. Because he knows Caroline doesn't like it (n'awww...).

Top 5 rare pairings that TOTALLY MAKE SENSE, WHY DOES THE WORLD NOT NOTICE THEIR GLORY?:

I KNOW YOU ONLY ASK THIS SO YOU CAN LAUGH AS I SCRABBLE IN THE DUST FOR VAGUE, TENUOUS LINKINGS TO JUSTIFY THE PAIRINGS I LOVE! But. Anyway.

1. Violet and the Hook-Handed Man. Alright, ignore the fact that she's fourteen. He acts quite adolescent anyway, and I think his emotional growth was stunted by various traumas and bad company anyway, hah. She is an inventor, and he is really quite simply-minded (violence is generally his response), so they are opposites that surely attract. BUT, she is also not averse to using molotov cocktails (book 1) or plotting to kidnap people (book 10), and he is ocassionally smarter than Olaf ("uh, boss..."), and has a really quite sophisticated view of morality (Book 12), and he STUDIED POETRY, DAMN IT! She works with her hands and he has no hands, and that's really quite beautiful. In the first book, her grappling hook and his hook catch on each other and it is SUCH BEAUTY. They're both elder siblings who would probably do terrible things for their younger ones. Also, her name is Violet and his is Fernald (Book 12), which means 'from the ferny slope', so there is CLEARLY A NATURE THEME BETWEEN THEM. They seem to face-off with each other most out of the Baudelaires/the troupe (book 1, book 12). And someone randomly suggested they marry once, and it was the BEST IDEA EVER. So there.



2. Wow. Length. Okay, currently; Sam Winchester/the Demon. Ideally demon!John, but hey, I'm not picky (Note: lie). It has "plans" for him. Okay, it pretty much has plans for a whole bunch of kids, but I'm guessing most of them weren't raised to be demon hunters, so he's as much the "prodigal son" for the demon as the Winchesters. It's been interested in him since he was a baby, and has apparently been keeping tabs on him and who he plans to marry ever since. I swear to God it practically licks it's lips when it looks at him in That Scene, and didn't murder him horribly when it pointed the Gun Of Unusual Power at it. Twice. Frankly, I think it LOVES IT when he suddenly tries to do something/use his skills, as he was probably trying to actually do when it was all 'make the gun float to you, psychic boy'. Because he clearly has the potential for psychopathicness deep down, and the demon loves it, loves it, loves it. And it practically pimped out it's daughter to him, and if not, trying to seduce him probably runs in the family/species, and even better if it turns out to be his real father because then there can be INCEST SQUARED. Yay.



3. Guy/Jake from Green Wing. Come on, they did nose-touching! And I think we all know if Guy ever went down to his office (to make ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN he knew Caroline was Guy's now), it'd take him about two minutes to get Guy on his couch (steady!) talking about his mother(/s). And then they could have 'I sorted out your issues/you're slightly traumatised' sex. Or 'let's explore your homophobic issues' sex. Whatever.



4. Carl/Matthew from Emmerdale. I GET THAT THIS IS BECAUSE NO-ONE (good) WATCHES IT. But, oh. They are brothers, and Matthew is a ruthless, heartless bastard, except when it comes to looking at Carl, and there was a clear way for him to win in business and get revenge on his family and please his new girlfriend, and he wouldn't do it till the very last minute because it meant betraying/using Carl, and Carl pretends to not care anymore, but he's clearly hurt and scarred horribly over it. Matthew wants to 'make it up to him'. And Carl is just generally lovely most of the time, and a bit of a whore, and wears pink sometimes, and would just smile at anything Matthew suggested, even kinky sex. Or would have done, once. He's a bit more ruthless and businesslike now, but clearly they'd just have slightly more guarded and playful sex, and be a great business team by day. And I love them. Oh.



5. Donny/Jesus from The Big Lebowski. Because he BLEW HIM A KISS, DAMN IT!

Top 5 things that are, liek, totally overrated:

1. Leaving the house ever. THERE'S NOTHING OUT THERE YOU CAN'T GOOGLE ON THE INTERNET.



2. Other people in your fandom. Think how everything suits you when they aren't there to argue!



3. Romeo and Juliet in Romeo and Juliet. They continue to suck, except when Juliet gets her sass on and refuses to go be a nun, and yet all the fic/icon posts I see continue to inexplicably contain them. And where is the Tybalt love? Where?



4. A life-plan. Because who really wants to know where they'll be in 20 years? Except "not in a gutter", I guess. Life in general seems pretty fine, to me.



5. Jack Kerouac. For reals, yo.

The rest tomorrow, I expect.