girlofprey: (Default)
Difficult stuff )

I went to see Spiderman again today, because Michael Keaton is amazing. I still spent a lot of it wishing someone would slit Tony Stark's throat, but the bits with Adrian Toomes were amazing.
girlofprey: (Default)
My mum got a call on Sunday night from my sister's neighbours. My nephews were apparently in the garden yelling and throwing stones and throwing stones at cars that passed, and my sister was coming out occasionally to call them morons but not do much else. Apparently, my nephews have been doing plenty to these neighbours, such as weeing in a bottle and throwing it over their fence, and throwing stuff over the fence in general, and throwing large amounts of stuff from their bedroom windows into the garden, or into a gap between their garden fence and their conservatory. The woman who lives their used to teach my ON at his school, and they're very sympathetic to the kids and my sister, but they say they've been living in that house for 42 years, and now it's just like being in hell.

So that's nice.

The thing of it is, it's not even like the kids had been in all weekend and were going stir-crazy. My parents had my MN on Friday night, as they usually do, and he slept over, even though there was no football the next morning. Instead he had a presentation, and all of the kids went to that, even though my ON was a bit weird apparently. Then they came back to our house for a few hours. And on Sunday their dad had them, and took them out for the day. So what else can be done? Frankly?

Based on that, my sister/mother called a meeting with my sister's social worker, which went...okay, apparently. The neighbours, on my mother's advice, reported the kids to the police for anti-social behaviour, and now they're not sure how far that's going to go. But it sounded like there was stuff the social worker didn't know, like genuinely how often my parents have the kids. So maybe something will come of it? But who knows. At the moment we're mostly preparing to have their dog, Frank. I wish I was more excited, because I do want a dog, but again I wanted it to be my dog. And all I can think about is how this is going to disrupt things for the cat, if they never get familiar with each other, and how we can never have the doors open when it's hot in summer again, and we're going to have to have a walk schedule and someone's going to have to pick up after him, and etc. But apparently she's still forgetting to feed him, and she hasn't had his coat clipped in months, so I don't know if there's much else we can do. In good conscience. Other than call the RSPCA or send him to the pound. I'm sure it'll be lovely. He's a lovely dog. But it is basically just cleaning up after my sister, again.

I called the doctor's yesterday, to see about talking to someone about my mental health stuff. Apparently I can't book an appointment, because all the pre-booked ones are now taken until the middle of August. The best I can do is call them in the morning to try to get a same day appointment. Which means getting up to call them at 8am, just to see if I can get through, and if I can get a suitable appointment, and at the moment rushing around to change my routine at short notice isn't going to be good for my stress levels, to be honest. But it is the best shot I'm going to have apparently, so I'll probably try to do it later in the week, or next week or something. I also looked into one of the helplines my mother recommended, and it was closed down, but I told my mum and she said she'd just spoken to them a few days ago, and it turned out I had the name slightly wrong. So there's always that if things get bad.

But still. You've got to laugh, haven't you?
girlofprey: (Default)
I feel a lot better today than I did last night. I talked to my mum, and she sort of agreed that things were crazy and can't continue as they are. I honestly don't know if it's that, or if I just had a really bad day yesterday, or I was just really tired and dehydrated, but I do feel much better today. Mum's going to talk to my sister's social worker, ideally with my sister there, about how she feels and the effect all of this is having on our whole side of the family, in an attempt to explain that she needs to step back from it. Or get my sister to listen to what she has to say. One or the other. And she's suggested some form of counselling she has access to at work, which her family members can use, because it might not have as long a waiting list as they will probably have at most other places - because the stuff that's upsetting me is very much happening now. But I don't know if it will have a waiting list, and she said something about how she tried to use it once and it was somewhere very far away and hard to get to, so idk. We'll see.

My MN is back at school today, although only in the mornings - in the afternoons he can decide if he wants to stay on, or come home. But it should still take some of the pressure off at least.

They're cutting the canteen staff and reducing the stuff the canteen does at work, which doesn't bode well for future jobs going. But a receptionist and a cook aren't really the same things, and there's no point worrying unless we actually hear something about it.

I've started reading the Communist Manifesto, since I am a socialist, so it's probably a good idea to know what that means and where it comes from. I'm not very far into it, and it is interesting, but it's also weird how immature it is. Also racist and sexist, which surprised me but that not much when I thought about it. But they go on for a little while about how the lower levels of the bourgeois, the 'petty shopkeepers' and artisans, cannot be truly revolutionary, they're actually reactionary and just want to roll things back to how they used to be, while never seem to understand that the meaning of the word revolution is 'to roll things back'. Also their belief that the proletariat are completely uninfluenced by religion or culture or anything like that, are just suspicious of it because it's just a tool of the bourgeois. Okay Marx. It is interesting though, and makes a lot of interesting points.
girlofprey: (Default)
It was my mum's birthday yesterday. Apparently, she got woken up by her sister at about twenty to nine in the morning - her sister is in her seventies, had a stroke a few years ago, and her only daughter is currently in hospital recovering from an operation to remove a brain tumour, but they were expecting her to come out of hospital a few weeks ago. Then my mum had to go to a CPR training session. And after that, she decided to let my ON come over, because it was her birthday and because he normally comes down on a Tuesday, but she was working today. And - I didn't get the full story of this, but it was something like; a community/school nurse was at my sister's house, and wanted to weigh the kids and measure their height. My MN and YN weren't in, so my sister either asked my mum to go look for them, or my mum was just driving away with my ON and saw them. Much, much further away from the house than they should have been, considering my MN is 8 and my YN is 5. Apparently, when she stopped to pick them up, my YN was crying, and saying something about how a man had chased them, threatening to call the police, because my MN was throwing stones. My MN, at the time, just refused to get in the car, because he'd found some older boys to hang around with. It was around this time my mum's sister called her again, crying. But, after that was all done, we went out for a meal, and it was pretty nice.

Today my mum had a twilight shift at the hospital, which basically means she's working from 12pm to 12am - pretty much all her shifts are 12 hours these days, but sometimes she does day shifts, which are about 7am to 7pm. She normally only does one a week, but for some reason the shifts have fallen, this week and last week, so she's doing two on consecutive days. So she did the CPR session yesterday, is working a twilight today, and is working a twilight tomorrow.

So she was up this morning, getting ready for a 12 hour shift at the hospital, and apparently my sister called her, asking her if she could look after my MN for an hour, because she wanted to get ready for a Jobcentre appointment, which had been rescheduled from last week after she was 15 minutes late and they refused to see her. Because my MN is still not at school till tomorrow, because she didn't sort out his transport. She apparently said her appointment was at 11:40, and "you're not at work till 12, are you?". At which point my mum had to point out that no, she had to get to work for at least 11:45, to be ready for the start of her shift. In the end, she agreed to watch him, and my sister said she'd just meet her before she went into work, and pick up my MN then. Let's hope that worked out. Before that - I essentially woke up to mum telling me my sister had called her, while she was getting ready, and she also told me that my MN had apparently said that while he was out on his jaunt yesterday "an old man had forced him to smoke weed". When my MN came to our house, the story had apparently changed to it being one of the older, 12 year-old boys he was with who'd forced him to smoke weed.

Tonight, I came home and asked my dad if he'd heard about mum's exciting morning, and he said he'd had an exciting afternoon, because he'd gone over to my sister's for something, and my MN was acting like a lunatic. Apparently he was running around with a mop, and then my dad took it off him, so he started jumping on furniture, trying to push things over. My sister didn't react much to this, so my dad told her to do something with him, she tried to tell him to stop, he told her to fuck off, and she ended up kicking him. After which he ran outside, picked up a brick, and threw it through a window of their shed, smashing it. There are three windows in the shed, and he's broken them all, apparently. My dad then started talking about how my MN needed to go away, just go away somewhere, probably to a padded cell. And how my sister's been ruining my dad's life since she was 13, and it's all just bollocks.

And I'm not doing very well, to be honest. This might be obvious from the posts I'm making lately, but...this is just exhausting. And awful. And honestly, it might not be so bad, but given everything that's going on with my job at the moment, I just don't know what's going on with that either. If I could be confident that I could stay at my job, getting my wage, for as long as I wanted to, until I chose to leave, at least that would be something I could feel secure about. But, even though there's no particular indication the new company are going to let us go, I can't feel secure about it, not until we get some concrete news one way or the other. So I don't know what's going to happen with my family, and I don't know what's going to happen with my job, and I don't know what effect either of those things are going to have on my mental health. And I'm just really tired, and I can't tell if it's because the weather changed over the weekend and everyone's tired, or I ate too much, or I'm just actually not sleeping enough, or it's my hormones. But I just feel miserable. I cried at porn the other night. It was this really good dubcon, which was mostly overall consensual, just a bit pushing, but wasn't just about the 'empowerment' of complete submission, and it crystallised some of my attitudes/issues around dubcon. It was around the same time I saw a post on Tumblr shouting out to and supporting our new label, 'hypersexuals', who are apparently people who have kinks that upset or disgust them, have sex all the time, and have sex as a form of self-harm with people they don't like. Maybe? Maybe all of those features are supposed to be separate? I don't think they should necessarily be lumped in under one label anyway. But I definitely don't think it's helpful to just put them under one label and passively accept them in a way that lets people avoid talking or thinking about subjects, rather than thinking or talking about why people have those feelings or do those things. I'm sorry, I'm not being very progressive right now. I probably just don't understand tumblr, or young people, and how supportive but also critically-thinking they truly are.

Anyway. That post annoyed me. But they crying thing, I genuinely don't know if it's because it crystallised a few issues for me, or because I'm feeling incredibly emotionally raw because of everything that's going on at the moment. I got a bit teary last night, because my mum turned 68 and started asking if she was an old woman, she wasn't an old woman was she? And my dad started reminiscing about when he was young and used to punch people so hard he detached their retinas. I think they both miss their youth, and it upsets me to think in ideal circumstances, I will outlive them and they'll die and I'll have to live without them. And also their present is so awful, and that upsets me when I think about it, even though we've all kind of accepted it as normal at this point. I followed that up with a dream last night where my sister was younger, and just had one young kid, but kept coming into our house and insisting she should stay with us and eat our food because she didn't have any food for the kid at home, and she tried to make this up to us with beautiful singing, and I had to tell her that no matter how beautiful the singing was, it did not in fact make up for her invading all of our space and our house, and shouting at her that she was an awful cow and she was ruining all our lives. I told my mum about it this morning, and she was like "that was no dream".

Anyway. This sucks. I don't really know what to do about it. I could go see my doctor, but I honestly don't know what they can do for me. I'm already on anti-depressants, that I'm pretty sure I should have been weaned off of this spring. Other than that, I don't know that I have time for counselling or anything. I could call Samaritans to talk about this stuff, but they can't really talk back to you about stuff because they aren't trained, so it wouldn't really be like having a conversation about it. I'm just...I don't know if I should just hunker down, and hope for the best, wait for it to sort of get better. I've already had to take a step back from video game news, because it's just too stressful given what some arseholes on the internet think. I feel like crying right now, but I don't know if it'll help to just let myself be emotional about it. Because at what point do I stop? I should probably talk to my mum about this. But I don't really want to put any more on her shoulders. But I don't think I'm coping super well at the moment, and it might help the both of us to talk about it.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I'm not enjoying this week. Which is a shame, because it's barely started.

It's my birthday week too, although I suspect that may be part of the problem. I also have a Jobcentre appointment on Wednesday, a few hours before I normally wake up, and I have an appointment with a service worker dude two hours later, so it's like - if the Jobcentre appointment is weirdly long, which would be dreadful, it might clash, and if not I have to kill time doing nothing before I kill time doing nothing with my service worker dude. But it's the only time he was free, so. Maybe he'd be happy to come to Leeds with me. That's mostly what I want to do on Wednesday.

And then last week I suddenly started CBT therapy, getting a letter a few days before my first appointment. And the man I'm seeing seems super nice, but he's given me this homework which I seem to get every time I have CBT, which is an 'anxiety diary' to fill in, of situations that make me anxious, how I felt about them, what happened to me physically, a different response I could have to it (??), what I did, and how I felt about it later. And I never know how to deal with them, because if I fill it in for every ritual I have, I will literally just be doing rituals and filling in the diary, and probably coming up with rituals for how to fill in the diary. Which this week especially is not really a possibility. It was right at the end of the appointment when he mentioned it and we didn't have time to discuss it, so I don't know if I am meant to fill it in every day, or just one day, or just for every major situation that makes me upset. I haven't been doing it, essentially. I probably will fill in a few entries over the next couple of days. But ???? I'm sure it's really useful, and useful for examining your responses to things, hence why I'm apprehensive about doing it, but uuh. I just never know what to do with them.

And then in between that there is my birthday, and I'll be 29, which is lovely, but nearly 30. But it'll still be my birthday, and I'll feel like I should be enjoying it, but I probably won't, purely because I'll feel like I should. Also we'll be having my YN down. Because we're not going to go upsetting the regular routine for it or anything. We went out to a special different restaurant for Sunday lunch yesterday essentially for my birthday, we would have gone this weekend but it's Mother's Day so who needs that. But mostly my parents seemed to be making some subtle comments about how they didn't really want to, like my dad saying it seemed like a really long way to drive, which is funny because he used to drive all over the country, and my mum saying they have the same chefs as over the road, so we may as well have just gone there like usual. That was a whinge, but I wish they hadn't. It was really nice though. They had parsnips.

Also I have to remember to buy a Mother's Day card.

And the present I have asked for is a PS4 which I'm going halves with them on. Which I've wanted for a while, and will become necessary soon if I want to keep playing console games, but I'm still not finished with my PS3 or its games, and having them both hooked up to the same TV is probably going to be a hassle. I can't have them both hooked up, essentially, because the little TV in the other bedroom only has enough connections for one, and there aren't enough plug sockets in the wall either. Nor enough room to have a bunch of plugs lying loose all over the place because of all the kids toys they don't play with.

Also I have started my period. That might be a lot to do with things. My head feels high and tight.

I was meant to go observe a kickboxing class tonight, in the hopes of going to it soon, but I didn't, I'll leave it till next week. Also I keep waking up at 9am for some reason, when my alarm's not set till 12, and I can't get back to sleep, which isn't helping me not feel tired.

I need to start getting into more fandoms where the bad guys are just jerks, and not actual monsters, because I keep thinking up plotbunnies and then thinking 'Wait. That wouldn't be fun for anyone.' You would think the Legion from Fallout: New Vegas would be a great example, because they're idiots who are trying to be actual ancient Romans and wear feathers on their heads, but unfortunately they're also [trigger warning for rape] [spoilers].

And Kevin's back in Coronation Street, so I have to keep avoiding looking at his face, especially when he talks about how great it is to be back and other people welcome him home with big smiles on their faces. Also they have him living with Jack in a house with Tyrone, who spent the first 6 months or so of the baby's life raising him IN THE SAME HOUSE as his own, what the fuck?

But I love:

  • Maria talking to Kirk.

  • Maria on a counter.

  • David being nice to Roy about sandwiches.

  • Maria, Carla and Julie as witches, CAN YOU IMAGINE JULIE AS A WITCH? She would just make flowers grow and mend holes in people's clothes, and give them outfits so they COULD go to the ball. Also she would get to live with Carla and Maria and their babies, and help them raise their babies, and she would be so happy, oh my god.

I wish Ross Barton from Emmerdale would throw himself in front of a car to save a child again, or have another conversation with his dad where he sounds uncharacteristically upset or anxious. Moira is going to do some matchmaking between Chas and James this week, and for a minute I thought the episode description said Ross and James. That was probably tired wishful thinking on my part. But. Someone should do some matchmaking between them. Loving family matchmaking.

Not enough people write fic about Dane Vogel, or even remember he existed, it's the bane of my life.

girlofprey: (R for raygun)
So I called the Jobcentre yesterday. Again, it was one of those conversations where I didn't understand everything the guy was saying and I hoped he would explain it before the conversation was through, but he didn't. But he seemed genuinely perplexed by the idea that the Jobcentre would appeal the Tribunal's decision, because it doesn't happen very often - which I knew, but still. He kept saying he didn't know why "they'd done that", and I couldn't tell if he meant why the reasons for the Tribunal's decision were requested or why the court told me they'd been requested - it seemed like he meant the latter, but the letter was just a courtesy thing, as far as I could tell. I was mostly freaked out because the last time I won an appeal (so much experience now), I didn't get a letter saying anyone had requested the reasons for it, as I recall. So it seemed like a ~special case~. But it probably wasn't. In any case, the guy said there was no note on my records saying the Jobcentre was planning to appeal, he said they were working on paying me my arrears, and that my case wouldn't be treated any differently from anyone else's. Like I said, I still don't entirely trust the Jobcentre, but that's about as fair as anyone can say about it for now, so I'm happy with it.

I'm nearly done with Saints Row IV now. I've been super-enjoying it, but I also don't really see where the story can go from here, if it all plays out as I'm assuming it will. Maybe back into the past. Into fantasy world. They can fight Cthulhu. But then this game has been quite retrospective, which is sometimes a sign that a series is coming to a close. But I'm sure that'll depend on how much money they make from it. Anyway, I really like it, even if it's not really like Saints Row 2 anymore. And I'm sure my tendency to ship badass protagonists with their enemies will abate any day now. Although Dane Vogel is still her truest love obv.

I also found a Saints Row Kink Meme on Livejournal, which was great, except that it doesn't have a single entry on it. By which I mean, not even a post saying "Yo put your prompts here!". It's like the saddest thing I've ever seen. EXCEPT NO because I've been getting into Olan Rogers lately (dude from the video the other day) and today I caught up with some of his 'updates' from a couple of years ago, and - as I suspected and feared - it was about him moving away from his home state so he could have any kind of career in video work, and he was crying because he'd had to leave all his best friends behind. Including Reid. REID. The other dude from the video the other day. Oh Olan. Get rich and buy a big house so he can come live with you.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
A lot of worrying about my ESA )

And I had a weird appointment with a service worker yesterday. My official worker is off for two weeks, so I'm seeing sort of 'interim' people, and yesterday it was a woman I'd never seen before. She was quite nice, but from the things she said she'd obviously had problems before and felt very proactive about being over them. I found her a little brusque, in places. Like I was explaining about my family again, because she didn't know my situation, and she was asking questions when I mentioned things and stuff, and then later she said she didn't know why I'd talked so much about them, and it wasn't always helpful dwelling on past problems. Then later she was commenting on the way my 'manner changed' when I'd spoken to mum about something, and how there are ways to say how you feel while still 'keeping your manners'. And I kind of get what she was saying and she was probably right about some things, but it was - very different from the style I'm used to. A little intense for two hours.

But then it also made me think about all the stuff I'd feel more comfortable saying to her than to my usual service worker, because he's a man. I mean he's perfectly nice and I don't feel threatened by him or anything, but there's still stuff I feel weird saying. Like about buying new bras and stuff. I talked to the woman yesterday about how I get depressed sometimes when I get PMT, just because of my hormones I think, and she suggested sage oil as a non-medical hormone balancer. I can't imagine having had that conversation with my current worker. It's sort of unusual for me to have a male worker because I've always generally had female ones, and I kind of wanted to have that experience. But I'm wondering now if I might really want to change to a female worker, just so I can talk about more things more comfortably. Hmph.
girlofprey: (Girl Gun Pink)
Saints Row IV and 2 blather )

Also, today my YN officially started calling me something along the lines of "Rachael". It sounds more like "Wey-dul", and he only calls me it when shouting up the stairs for me. But it's better than "daddy", or nothing. Woo-hoo!

On a less pleasant note, I also got a letter today from the Tribunal service, saying that a request had been made to see the reasons my appeal was allowed, and they were enclosing a copy for me as well. Which sounds like the Jobcentre are "double-checking" whether I really do deserve the ESA I was awarded at my appeal. Apparently the Jobcentre can overturn or refuse a Tribunal's decision, or appeal against it or something, but I'm assuming they don't do that very often or else there wouldn't be much point having an appeals system. If they were just going to say "no" anyway. So it's probably fine. Still makes me nervous though. Wankers.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
I am back from my holiday.

My holiday )

And I did have a plan to not do anything much today. But I ended up going to the doctor's to get a sick note, getting some toothpaste and Welcome To The Punch on DVD, and finished the night by catching up completely on Coronation Street with my parents. So. I have things to say about Coronation Street, but some of it is long, some of it is just about how beautiful David is, and some of it is just keysmashing, so I'll maybe leave it for another night. Oh, and also I came home to a letter yesterday saying that they'd set a date for my ESA hearing. 27th September. So I can look forward to that. Yay.

I hope you have all been great, I've sort of caught up on my flist, but not on everything. If there is anything vital you think I should know you should probably tell me now. Otherwise, hello.
girlofprey: (R for raygun)
There's some personal stuff that's come up in the last few days that I'd really like to talk to my counsellor about. However, I called up this morning to see if it'd be possible to see her any earlier than next Monday, and it turns out she's a volunteer who's only in the building on Monday's, so they can't even get a message to her. Which is a bit of a shame. They do have a drop-in session tomorrow though, it's kind of early compared to when I usually get up and I have no idea if I'd actually get to see anyone or how long for. But I might go check it out. If not, it's not that long now until I'd get to see her, and I have talked this stuff through with a friend already. It's just thrown me a little bit, I sort of always assumed if I needed to see my counsellor early or talk to her, I could. But apparently it's just pretty much Mondays when she's available. Hmm.

In other news, some marketing type things that happened to me recently are a) a cold caller hanging up on me, which if anything is normally the opposite of what happens. A woman called me, asked to speak with me about my contract mobile phone, I told her I wasn't on a contract and she said "You're not on a contract? Sorry" and then just hung up. Lovely. And b) yesterday I was in McDonalds, and the card swiping machine they had was advertising McDonald's coffee and donuts to me in it's idle time. Is this what the world is turning towards? Everything will have a screen, and every screen will be advertising something? Because that will be a terrible world. That is my prediction right now.

On the plus side, I did manage to pick up my Netbook. Unfortunately I don't really have anywhere to set it up - my bedroom is kind of a mess. And short on space. So I've decided to buy a case to keep it in before I actually get it out. And I still hate the colour. Oh well.

ETA: Oh and also, I changed my Livejournal email to my new gmail account, experimentally, and now I'm suddenly getting comment notifications in my inbox again. Rather than just 'your subscription is running out/pay us money' messages. So I guess it must just have been an odd Hotmail thing. Which is weird. But I'm not going to argue with getting them again now.
girlofprey: (Default)
I got my letter from the Jobcentre today, explaining why they'd stopped my ESA.

Cut for...reasons )

And then on Emmerdale they Emmerdale spoilers ). Which I was expecting, since it was the 40th anniversary episode and they made a big deal about how someone was going to die, and it would be someone who was involved in 5 different storylines, which he was, and he's been acting like enough of a dick lately. But still. I didn't actually see most of the episode, I just caught the end, and I'd like to watch it just to see some of the scenes that came before it. But he's been on a downward spiral for months or years now, and even I was starting to lose interest in him. But still. End of an era. And it's making me think back to those early years when I really really loved him. Well. At least my OTP are both on the same side of the afterlife now, I guess.

I just went to look for something on Youtube, and oh my God it's hideous. Well done on continuously changing it and never making it any better, Google.

On the plus side, John Ross from Dallas is pretty, and I love Bioshock 2 and Dishonoured. I've gotten used to the not-killing-anyone thing now. Although still not to the fact that when I change games, the controls are almost completely the opposite.
girlofprey: (Default)
I made it through my ESA assessment, anyway.

It was kind of gruelling as usual, but the woman doing the assessment was sort of nice, and mum was with me. I think it went okay, but it's a funny thing to think about really. Because if I was fine, I obviously wouldn't need an assessment, and if I seem fine they might decide I don't need benefits anymore. So, y'know. But there's not really much point worrying about that till I get the decision, I guess. It was weird though, because I asked the woman doing it about the review, and how I wasn't expecting to have to do an assessment until October, and she didn't know anything about a review and said this was nothing to do with that. So...I don't know what that was. Whether it was the review and she just didn't know about it, or whether it was just a sort of getting all the details/getting everything on file thing now that I'm actually on ESA. I don't know. I don't even know if the questionnaire I did a few weeks ago was for the review or for this assessment. But at the very least, if I DO have a review in October, I hope they won't ask to see me again, since I've already done a review recently. Fingers crossed.

In other news, I accidentally got into Dallas. New Dallas. I'M SORRY IF ANYONE IS UPSET OR THOUGHT I WAS BETTER THAN THAT. I'm not. There's a young guy who is handsome and has an evil father and is evil and maybe a bit insecure. GROUNDBREAKING FOR ME, I KNOW. But anyway. I'm planning to watch it on Channel 4, which will apparently take me 10 weeks. Hurrah. On the other hand, I looked up John Ross' early life from original Dallas last night. IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL. It's like a whole soap child biography, but I don't have to wait years for it to play out. Amazing.

Also I played through all of the Bertrand parts of Infamous 2. It's kind of terrible that I love him so much. But. His scenes with Cole are pretty much the best part of the game. Also he's pretty much the only character who gets to be a character all the way through the game, and not just be part of Cole's choices. Also he's a baddie who's actually bad, which is something this game doesn't always manage (wankily), and which I do appreciate. Also he has some of the best boots I've ever seen. Also I wish there was a fandom because I get the feeling I could shipwar with the Cole/Zeke fans. They would win on the relationship front, which is FINE. But I would win on the CHARACTERISATION OVER THE COURSE OF THE GAME THAT MAKES ANY SENSE front. And I think that's the front that would win.

And I started Bioshock. Which is about as brilliant as everyone says, and all the awards it got suggests. Which is nice because most of the games I've started lately have been huge disappointments. Yay. Also I bought Overlord, basically because I miss Dungeon Keeper. I MISS DUNGEON KEEPER SO MUCH.

And also, I thought I'd share some more vids from EvilVillainsStudio that I've liked. Mostly I think I like them because of the songs, but the editing and editing together of clips is really good as well. It's interesting, because some of the(made-up) pairings click with me more than others, and I can't tell if it's because of the editing (different sections seems to be made by different people), and because of the actual pairings/characters. It's fun either way though.

There is footage from new Who and Once Upon A Time in these videos. I can only apologise.

A bunch of songvids/songs )
girlofprey: (Default)
Hello. I did actually come back from the Nottingham Riverside Festival. Do you want to hear about my TMI adventures? YOU KNOW YOU DO. My TMI adventures )

Since then I have mostly been freaking out over or working on my ESA assessment questionnaire, which the DWP or ATOS or whoever needs back by next Tuesday. But I discussed it with my counsellor, and then discussed it and did most of it yesterday during/after an appointment with my employment coach. Well, I did all of it really, because I thought I had a bit of extra space at the end to finish an answer, but that turned out to be a space for a completely different question, so I sort of had to stop short. I'm worrying that I wasted my space with stuff that was less relevant than the stuff I didn't get to put in, but I read back over my questionnaire and I'd put some of that stuff in answers to other questions. And I only had so much space. And if they want me to go into more detail, they call me for another assessment, I'm sure. Even though I massively hope that doesn't happen. But anyway, I put down everything I could think of that was most relevant, and that's all I can do really. So I signed it and posted it off this morning, and at least it's done now.

And now tomorrow, my parents are going away with my two oldest nephews. So I'll be in the house on my own/looking after the house on my own. Usually I massively enjoy that though. It literally just occured to me that my sister might decide that it would be a great opportunity to come visit me though, since she lives just up the hill now. I sincerely hope that doesn't happen. Although she'd probably bring the baby. I can just talk to the baby if she comes over. Maybe.
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Benefits stuff )

Also I went to see the bank where I have an ISA, because I need to transfer some of the money the DWP just gave me, and they want to have a long talk with me about updating my ISA and maybe getting one that will give me more interest. So I have to go in again on Monday. And I went to see the bank where I have my regular account, to get a mini-statement and see exactly how much I did get paid. Quite a bit, it turns out. Hurrah.

I'm going to make a list of all the things I could spend the money on and what I'd like to do with it, I think. And then I'll probably put it in the ISA and just not spend it at all. Yay.
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Benefits screaming )

But other than that, though, I did have a really lovely weekend at Jen's. Hurrah.
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In other news, I got my sick note sorted out and sent off. It turns out I totally CAN just call up, ask for a continuation, and pick it up at the surgery reception without ever seeing a doctor. Which is odd. And new. But a bit less hassle, I guess. Also got my Mefenamic Acid prescription sorted out, because apparently it's all in my files, so they just need to order it and I can pick it up from the pharmacy. Except that now, I'll have to wait until after all the bank holidays to get it. I sincerely hope I don't need it before then.

In sadder news (for me), I was googling for news on Death Valley season 2, and it turns out it's been cancelled. Which kind of sucks. I already knew things were tricky because, despite renewing it last year (I think), they never announced when they'd be airing it, and then there was an announcement in March that MTV wouldn't be hosting it, whether or not it was made. And now apparently it's off the cards altogether. It had plenty of odd moments, and did some strange things, but I genuinely really liked it, and was really looking forward to season 2 (according to an interview I found with the director he was also, hopefully, looking forward to seasons 3 and 4). Sucks.

I was looking around on Tumblr though for pictures that were nothing to do with Death Valley, the place, and found a bunch of interviews with probably my favourite actor Bryan Callen. It turns out he's Irish-Italian. IT'S LIKE THEY FOLLOW ME AROUND. The current count of Irish-Italian actors I like is three. And probably more! Rising all the time. They have terrible temperaments though. If what I've been led to believe by the New York Housewives of SNL is true.
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So. I had an interesting day today. At some point last night, I went from being in a good mood to being in an irritated mood, and that sort of carried on into today. I'm still not sure if that was about Dead Space being difficult again. It might well be my hormones. But anyway, it happened.

This morning I was woken up by my counselling service calling me to say, for the third week in a row, that my counsellor was ill so I wouldn't be able to see her. They also said that it was a bank holiday next week, so it would be four weeks I'd be going without seeing her. I pointed out that actually, it had alreay been four weeks, because she was on leave the week before she got ill. And I really like my counselling service, and my counsellor, but it's not even the first time she's had to cancel sessions, or multiple sessions, because she was ill. It's not like I can really be angry about it, I can't exactly ban her from being ill. But six weeks in a row, and they didn't even notice I hadn't been/wasn't going to be seen in that long? It's not exactly brilliant service. And it wouldn't be so bad, but they never call to say she's off until the morning of my appointment, I guess because they don't want to cancel pre-emptively in case people get better. But when you've planned your day around it, and you don't like last minute changes - and it happens three weeks in a row - it starts to make you a little bit angry.

Anyway, when I said that they asked if I wanted to see someone else, this week, and I said yes. It's sort of just bad timing to have no counselling anyway, with all the stuff going on with mum being away and grandma being ill. So they asked if I'd be available Friday, and I said yes, and they went off to arrange it. Then they called me back to say someone was available today at 4 o'clock, would that be suitable? And I said yes. But because I didn't have much sleep yesterday because I was getting up early, and because I went to bed late last night, and because I kept getting woken up to take phonecalls, I was exhausted and kept sleeping through all the times I wanted to get up. So I ended up getting up really late, only having the time to get ready to go out and no time to have lunch or anything, and then I left the house at 3, only to see the 3.05 bus which stops at the end of our street, whizz by. So I had to walk into town to get another one any sooner than just before I was supposed to be at my appointment. On the way, I was literally irritated with the clouds and the sun, because they were taking it in turns to be either kind of cold, or boiling hot. I got to the bus stop, and texted to see when the next bus was, and that was a few minutes late. And it was packed. I had to sit in a priority seat, and an old man with a walking stick walked past me before I realised and had a chance to offer him my seat. I think someone else offered him theirs.

So I was late anyway. But it was alright in the end, it was nice to actually see someone and get some things off my chest. A family situation that I completely forgot I hadn't already mentioned on LJ is that my sister is moving house, to somewhere really quite close to our house. Essentially my parents and I live at the bottom of a hill, and she is going to be living up the hill. It is literally going to be a downhill walk from her house to ours, and an uphill walk from our house back up to hers. And I kind of don't necessarily think it's going to mean she'll be round at our house anymore than she usually is, she still doesn't really bother getting ready until the afternoon and doesn't tend to go out when she doesn't need to, and she always had the option of getting mum or dad to come get her if she really wanted to come to ours. But the possibility is still freaking me out a bit. And she's still going to be closer. I sort of don't feel like I can resent her getting this new house, because she does need more space with three kids, and it's in a quiet cul-de-sac instead of next to a road where cars go whizzing by all the time, in between a load of little nature walks and patches of grass and things. But I really wish the new house was somewhere else. So that's been bugging me a bit, lately, I think. She's been trying to get a new house for a while, but she kept not accepting some or not getting certain bids. Then she got this one, but it wasn't set in stone for a month or so. But now, her lease pretty much started yesterday. So it's pretty definite at this point. Again, I don't know if it will necessarily mean her coming down here more. I hope not. But it's just worrying me slightly lately.

Anyway. So, I finally had my appointment, and it was alright, and I managed to get back home a bit earlier than I usually do. We discussed the possibility of me maybe changing to a different counsellor, because she really has been ill a lot, but I'm not asking just yet. It would mean starting all over again with someone new, and again, it's not like I can be angry with my counsellor for being ill. But if it happens again, I'm really going to consider it, because this is just - a little bit ridiculous, and not that doable for me, really, in the long run.

Anyway. My main plan for the rest of the week is to take it easy a bit. I think maybe going to my two courses last week, and then going out to buy a new CD player, and then going out to see my grandma on Saturday might have been a bit of a drain for me. I have a course tomorrow, but it's one I can skip, so I'm planning to. I still have to go out at some point this week though, because - contrary to what my doctor told me - I got a letter from the DWP saying me sick note was about to run out, and I needed a new one even though I'd won my ESA appeal. I called the doctors' to make an appointment, and after they basically said there weren't many available, I explained what I needed, they said if it was just a continuation they could just get a new sick note written out for me, and I could just pick it up from the front desk. Which is new. But nicely hassle-free. But I still need to go pick it up so I can send it. And I also need a new prescription for Mefenamic Acid, and if my current irritation really is because of my hormones, I probably need that doing pretty soon. But other than that, I am planning to be free and easy.
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My ESA hearing, stress, and possibly triggery for people with mental illnesses )
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