girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-22 11:30 pm

(no subject)

I know my petition sites are really sad about the potential mass death of the bees, but it does just look like they want to rip bees.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-22 09:21 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I started It yesterday. It might not have been a great idea to read a book that literally starts with a 6 year-old dying, given that I have a 6 year-old nephew, but I powered through it. And it is amazing. Stephen King is such a good writer, like, I struggle with reading a little bit these days, because of the OCD. I often feel like I have to go back and read things again, because I haven't 'gotten them' properly, which interrupts the story. But Stephen King's writing just flows. I still do that a little bit, but mostly I don't care whether I've gotten a bit properly or not, because I want to know what happens next. It's weird that people put down his writing sometimes. It's also weird when you think maybe you're just not doing well with books at the moment, but it turns out you just need better books.

On a vaguely related note, talking point: do you think George RR Martin is who's ruined stories for us all right now? The reason why people are so happy to just enjoy a story for what they think is going to happen, rather than what is actually happening? And put up with stories that just go on and on and on with no end in sight?

In other news, I can't believe the new Confederate show they're going to let the guys behind TV Game of Thrones make (the guys behind TV Game of Thrones). Wow.

This has been a slightly odd weekend so far - I was looking forward to it all week, because I was working, and now it's here and I don't know what to do with it. I finished Wolfenstein. That's a game I was playing, about an alternate universe where the Nazis got magic technology and won the second world war. The best part of it was when you were in a museum, and there was an exhibit about how the Nazis had put a man on the moon, and the main character said "fuck you, moon". It's very tongue in cheek like that. The sequel's out in October, and it looks wicked, so I wanted to finish it to be ready for that.

There's a new Lord of the Rings video game coming out as well. They've made Shelob a woman. A sexy woman. I feel - I don't know. Blank-minded, about that decision? Like why would they do that? But I always sort of liked Shelob, with my limited knowledge of Tolkien, so I'm vaguely interested in a story that gives her a talking role anyway.

I'm going to have a bit of a Michael Keaton-fest, based on how much I loved him in Spiderman Homecoming. I have Beetlejuice and The Other Guys. I feel good about both of them as film choices.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-19 09:04 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I finished the Communist Manifesto today. Well, I actually finished it a few weeks ago - it randomly ended about halfway through my book. The rest turned out to be the many prefaces Marx and Engels had written over the years, as it got republished. Which was interesting, because they briefly covered all the political/socialist changes that happened over the decades after it was written, including some revisions to their theory - a revolution in France in the 1800s showed that 'the working class cannot simply lay hold of the ready-made State machinery, and wield it for its own purposes', apparently. And it was also slightly sad, because it covered the years after Marx died, and Engels had to go on writing the prefaces alone. And then the last part of the book was an essay Marx wrote after the election of someone in France that people clearly did not like and were shocked by, following some of their socialist uprisings, and frankly it was like reading something about Trump. Although I know I only draw that conclusion because Trump is happening now, and that's the closest example I have to compare it to. It also, on the other hand, contained this charming phrase:

"A nation and a woman are not forgiven for the unguarded hour in which the first available adventurer is able to violate them."

Calm down there, Marx.

It was interesting though, partly because I never realised a large part of Communist theory was that socialism was the ultimate outcome of capitalism - that in the same way that the progress society made by organising into feudalism essentially led to capitalism, and commoners overthrowing nobility, the progress made by capitalism would inevitably lead to socialism. Which is a weirdly dynamic and completely undynamic belief - at what point does/can revolution happen? Slowly, over time, I suppose. Again, I find it's heavy overreliance on the idea of revolution, on the idea that violence and only doing things violently can really achieve anything a bit much, plus casually ignoring women and racism outside of 'competition between countries' obviously. But it's still an interesting read, and worth doing, given the current political state of things.

I just let my mum go round to the shop to get some chocolate for me. I feel a bit bad, but I did lend her some of my supply the other day when she had none.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-18 09:24 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Sometimes I forget how much puritans suck. Then I remember.

I tried to pay off my tax credits overpayment yesterday. It was a massive pain, because first the letter told me to call a number to speak to HMRC about it, which was not a free number, then a bit later in the letter it said there was also a website I could go to; the website said I could pay it off by cheque at my bank or building society, using the payslip they'd sent me, but I only had the letter and no payslip; I went to my bank on Saturday with a cheque and the letter, but they said they couldn't do it because they didn't have a sort code or account number to pay the cheque into (which was probably on the payslip); so I got the sort code and account number from the website, where it told you how to pay things off using telephone or online banking, and I went into my bank again yesterday, and they said that sort code and account number weren't for a Barclays account, so they couldn't pay it in. However, using the letter and sort code and account number and the cheque I'd written, they could pay the money as a transfer, using the payment reference on my letter as a transaction reference. So I hope that worked, and HMRC don't still think I owe them £1028.94. I could probably find out. By calling the non-free number.

I've decided to try to read Stephen King's It, since that trailer suggests it's a pretty powerful story. I went into Waterstones today, and I was going up in their lift I saw some Stephen King books on the ground floor. I was looking for something else too, but then I went down, with little time to spare till I had to go to work. There were only three books on the shelf, because it was the Stephen King part of the crime section. I went to 'Fiction K'. No Stephen King. I assume his books were in the horror section upstairs, but I had to leave. I searched for 'Stephen King It' on Amazon. The first result was 'The Stand'. Then 'Mr Mercedes'. Then 'The Shining'. I don't know why the world doesn't want me to have that book.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-17 11:30 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I'm not really a fan of hot hot heat. But I do really like the way everything looks in the sunshine, and the way smells carry further, and the way everyone smells like skin and suntan lotion, and you can hear flip-flops every now and then throughout the day.

I find it much weirder that the Doctor's never been a non-white man than that he's never been a woman. But eh.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-17 11:41 am

(no subject)

I watched one trailer for the new It film yesterday, and I had dreams/nightmares all last night about It.

Stephen King must be some kind of sorceror.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-15 03:40 pm

(no subject)

Difficult stuff )

I went to see Spiderman again today, because Michael Keaton is amazing. I still spent a lot of it wishing someone would slit Tony Stark's throat, but the bits with Adrian Toomes were amazing.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-11 11:31 pm

(no subject)

I won that fight. I'm the greatest.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-11 11:31 am
Entry tags:

(no subject)

I picked up an issue of a new comic yesterday called 'Sacred Creatures', and from the varied and interesting-looking group on the front I assumed it was about gods living in modern times, and what they do. Turned out that it was - but it was mostly about some random dude, with a beautiful girlfriend he just couldn't let down, and what his experiences with them were.

I really have no idea these days why people think anyone who wants to watch a show about GODS in modern times, actually, really, wants to watch a show about a bog-standard, fairly uninteresting human who just meets them. No.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-10 10:08 pm

(no subject)

And 38 Degrees will not leave me alone with trying to get me to pitch in with their communal energy deal. I DO NOT HAVE A BOILER 38 DEGREES. I DO NOT OWN ONE OF MY OWN. I CANNOT DO IT.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-10 10:05 pm

(no subject)

And just to join in the bastard party, the final fight in Trails of Cold Steel 2 is with a boss that can one-shot pretty much my whole party in one go, and my super attacks barely even hurt it, which doesn't matter anyway because when he one-shots them in one go they lose all their ability points anyway.

Fuck's sake.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-09 10:36 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Fucking Crash Bandicoot is hard as fuck.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-08 08:46 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

Someone called me a cunt online because I criticised an amazing 'faggot' joke in Camp Camp.

I hate the internet.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-08 04:47 pm

(no subject)

I went to see Spiderman Homecoming )

I came out of the cinema and almost immediately was expected to do some childcare, or y'know. My crazy mum, after two days working in a row, decided to have all three kids over even though she knew I would be out at the cinema, and my dad would be out all morning at a work thing, which he ended up having to come back late from. It was fine, the kids weren't too badly behaved, and we went up to an event up at the castle and watched Viking re-enactment fights for about half an hour. But we're going to be having the dog later today, and trying to get him to meet the cat and get him settled into the house. I'm hoping to have some rest this weekend.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-06 09:06 pm

(no subject)

It remembered it was July too much, and then I never even got a thunderstorm out of it.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-04 10:41 am

(no subject)

My mum got a call on Sunday night from my sister's neighbours. My nephews were apparently in the garden yelling and throwing stones and throwing stones at cars that passed, and my sister was coming out occasionally to call them morons but not do much else. Apparently, my nephews have been doing plenty to these neighbours, such as weeing in a bottle and throwing it over their fence, and throwing stuff over the fence in general, and throwing large amounts of stuff from their bedroom windows into the garden, or into a gap between their garden fence and their conservatory. The woman who lives their used to teach my ON at his school, and they're very sympathetic to the kids and my sister, but they say they've been living in that house for 42 years, and now it's just like being in hell.

So that's nice.

The thing of it is, it's not even like the kids had been in all weekend and were going stir-crazy. My parents had my MN on Friday night, as they usually do, and he slept over, even though there was no football the next morning. Instead he had a presentation, and all of the kids went to that, even though my ON was a bit weird apparently. Then they came back to our house for a few hours. And on Sunday their dad had them, and took them out for the day. So what else can be done? Frankly?

Based on that, my sister/mother called a meeting with my sister's social worker, which went...okay, apparently. The neighbours, on my mother's advice, reported the kids to the police for anti-social behaviour, and now they're not sure how far that's going to go. But it sounded like there was stuff the social worker didn't know, like genuinely how often my parents have the kids. So maybe something will come of it? But who knows. At the moment we're mostly preparing to have their dog, Frank. I wish I was more excited, because I do want a dog, but again I wanted it to be my dog. And all I can think about is how this is going to disrupt things for the cat, if they never get familiar with each other, and how we can never have the doors open when it's hot in summer again, and we're going to have to have a walk schedule and someone's going to have to pick up after him, and etc. But apparently she's still forgetting to feed him, and she hasn't had his coat clipped in months, so I don't know if there's much else we can do. In good conscience. Other than call the RSPCA or send him to the pound. I'm sure it'll be lovely. He's a lovely dog. But it is basically just cleaning up after my sister, again.

I called the doctor's yesterday, to see about talking to someone about my mental health stuff. Apparently I can't book an appointment, because all the pre-booked ones are now taken until the middle of August. The best I can do is call them in the morning to try to get a same day appointment. Which means getting up to call them at 8am, just to see if I can get through, and if I can get a suitable appointment, and at the moment rushing around to change my routine at short notice isn't going to be good for my stress levels, to be honest. But it is the best shot I'm going to have apparently, so I'll probably try to do it later in the week, or next week or something. I also looked into one of the helplines my mother recommended, and it was closed down, but I told my mum and she said she'd just spoken to them a few days ago, and it turned out I had the name slightly wrong. So there's always that if things get bad.

But still. You've got to laugh, haven't you?
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-07-01 01:55 pm
Entry tags:

(no subject)

The sky seems to have remembered it's July and gone sunny.

HMRC wrote to me yesterday. Apparently the letter I got saying I owed them £750 was only from one part of the tax year, probably from when I was no longer eligible to receive the benefit at all. For the time before that, I owe them £250 of mony they overpaid me. So they want about £1000 from me in total. Which is...frustrating, considering I didn't really do anything wrong. If they had a date in mind when I was no longer eligible to receive a payment, I think I gave them that information, they could have easily kept track of it themselves and done a review when it ran out. And of the time before that, they just miscalculated I guess, or something, but it wasn't me. But it was just money they gave me, which I didn't spend, so I can pretty easily get it back out and give it to them. My parents are saying I should complain or say I don't have the money, and tell them to take it back out of my tax code or something - but I'd just end up paying the same amount to them anyway, just slower. I'd rather take it out in a lump sum and give it back and have done with it. I'm thinking about complaining about the way it was all handled though.

I've been going through my old CDs some more again. It's a little more irritating given that a lot of songs I thought I had saved to my computer haven't been saved, or have updated till I can't play them anymore, but it's still odd to go through a CD, realise you really like a lot of songs on it, but still feel no need to keep the CD. One of those songs is this one, which I think is one of my favourite ghost stories ever. I did not keep the CD.

girlofprey: (Default)
2017-06-29 08:51 pm

(no subject)

Today at work the two CEOs of my Facilities company were in, and then they said they had a meeting with someone from the new company that's bought out our bank. I can only assume they were discussing our contract with them, or something to do with our relationship with them. I asked vaguely about it, and my boss said they'd apparently talked about cost-cutting measures and our services - but it seemed very much like they were discussing both companies working out some cost-cutting measures, and they weren't just flat-out refusing the contract the previous company had with us. Which makes me feel a little bit better. Even though they could absolutely fail to work out cost-cutting measures and just decide to go with a different Facilities company, or do it all in-house. But as long as they aren't just outright getting rid of our company, they'll always need receptionists, and I'm already doing the job, so there's a good chance I'll stay. So it's a little selfish, considering they might cut down on any of our other staff, but it does make me feel a bit better.

Internet news is so stressful these days, but apparently Anita Sarkeesian stood up to a cunt, so that's much much more wonderful than what I was imagining when I heard she got harassed at vidcon.

The other day I was looking for that clip of Jimmy Carr wrangling kittens on 8 Out Of 10 Cats Does Countdown, and I found this lovely clip too:



Like a fool, I also looked up old Ben and Jerry's flavours the other day, and now I'm desperate for pear ice-cream and plum ice-cream, and none is very findable.

And if I had to recommend any Let's Play that the company I watch do, it would probably be this one where three of them put on Southern accents (even the Southern ones) and pretend to go out hunting Bigfoot, ala Mountain Monsters, a show one of them watches.

girlofprey: (Default)
2017-06-28 08:50 pm

(no subject)

I feel a lot better today than I did last night. I talked to my mum, and she sort of agreed that things were crazy and can't continue as they are. I honestly don't know if it's that, or if I just had a really bad day yesterday, or I was just really tired and dehydrated, but I do feel much better today. Mum's going to talk to my sister's social worker, ideally with my sister there, about how she feels and the effect all of this is having on our whole side of the family, in an attempt to explain that she needs to step back from it. Or get my sister to listen to what she has to say. One or the other. And she's suggested some form of counselling she has access to at work, which her family members can use, because it might not have as long a waiting list as they will probably have at most other places - because the stuff that's upsetting me is very much happening now. But I don't know if it will have a waiting list, and she said something about how she tried to use it once and it was somewhere very far away and hard to get to, so idk. We'll see.

My MN is back at school today, although only in the mornings - in the afternoons he can decide if he wants to stay on, or come home. But it should still take some of the pressure off at least.

They're cutting the canteen staff and reducing the stuff the canteen does at work, which doesn't bode well for future jobs going. But a receptionist and a cook aren't really the same things, and there's no point worrying unless we actually hear something about it.

I've started reading the Communist Manifesto, since I am a socialist, so it's probably a good idea to know what that means and where it comes from. I'm not very far into it, and it is interesting, but it's also weird how immature it is. Also racist and sexist, which surprised me but that not much when I thought about it. But they go on for a little while about how the lower levels of the bourgeois, the 'petty shopkeepers' and artisans, cannot be truly revolutionary, they're actually reactionary and just want to roll things back to how they used to be, while never seem to understand that the meaning of the word revolution is 'to roll things back'. Also their belief that the proletariat are completely uninfluenced by religion or culture or anything like that, are just suspicious of it because it's just a tool of the bourgeois. Okay Marx. It is interesting though, and makes a lot of interesting points.
girlofprey: (Default)
2017-06-27 10:54 pm

(no subject)

It was my mum's birthday yesterday. Apparently, she got woken up by her sister at about twenty to nine in the morning - her sister is in her seventies, had a stroke a few years ago, and her only daughter is currently in hospital recovering from an operation to remove a brain tumour, but they were expecting her to come out of hospital a few weeks ago. Then my mum had to go to a CPR training session. And after that, she decided to let my ON come over, because it was her birthday and because he normally comes down on a Tuesday, but she was working today. And - I didn't get the full story of this, but it was something like; a community/school nurse was at my sister's house, and wanted to weigh the kids and measure their height. My MN and YN weren't in, so my sister either asked my mum to go look for them, or my mum was just driving away with my ON and saw them. Much, much further away from the house than they should have been, considering my MN is 8 and my YN is 5. Apparently, when she stopped to pick them up, my YN was crying, and saying something about how a man had chased them, threatening to call the police, because my MN was throwing stones. My MN, at the time, just refused to get in the car, because he'd found some older boys to hang around with. It was around this time my mum's sister called her again, crying. But, after that was all done, we went out for a meal, and it was pretty nice.

Today my mum had a twilight shift at the hospital, which basically means she's working from 12pm to 12am - pretty much all her shifts are 12 hours these days, but sometimes she does day shifts, which are about 7am to 7pm. She normally only does one a week, but for some reason the shifts have fallen, this week and last week, so she's doing two on consecutive days. So she did the CPR session yesterday, is working a twilight today, and is working a twilight tomorrow.

So she was up this morning, getting ready for a 12 hour shift at the hospital, and apparently my sister called her, asking her if she could look after my MN for an hour, because she wanted to get ready for a Jobcentre appointment, which had been rescheduled from last week after she was 15 minutes late and they refused to see her. Because my MN is still not at school till tomorrow, because she didn't sort out his transport. She apparently said her appointment was at 11:40, and "you're not at work till 12, are you?". At which point my mum had to point out that no, she had to get to work for at least 11:45, to be ready for the start of her shift. In the end, she agreed to watch him, and my sister said she'd just meet her before she went into work, and pick up my MN then. Let's hope that worked out. Before that - I essentially woke up to mum telling me my sister had called her, while she was getting ready, and she also told me that my MN had apparently said that while he was out on his jaunt yesterday "an old man had forced him to smoke weed". When my MN came to our house, the story had apparently changed to it being one of the older, 12 year-old boys he was with who'd forced him to smoke weed.

Tonight, I came home and asked my dad if he'd heard about mum's exciting morning, and he said he'd had an exciting afternoon, because he'd gone over to my sister's for something, and my MN was acting like a lunatic. Apparently he was running around with a mop, and then my dad took it off him, so he started jumping on furniture, trying to push things over. My sister didn't react much to this, so my dad told her to do something with him, she tried to tell him to stop, he told her to fuck off, and she ended up kicking him. After which he ran outside, picked up a brick, and threw it through a window of their shed, smashing it. There are three windows in the shed, and he's broken them all, apparently. My dad then started talking about how my MN needed to go away, just go away somewhere, probably to a padded cell. And how my sister's been ruining my dad's life since she was 13, and it's all just bollocks.

And I'm not doing very well, to be honest. This might be obvious from the posts I'm making lately, but...this is just exhausting. And awful. And honestly, it might not be so bad, but given everything that's going on with my job at the moment, I just don't know what's going on with that either. If I could be confident that I could stay at my job, getting my wage, for as long as I wanted to, until I chose to leave, at least that would be something I could feel secure about. But, even though there's no particular indication the new company are going to let us go, I can't feel secure about it, not until we get some concrete news one way or the other. So I don't know what's going to happen with my family, and I don't know what's going to happen with my job, and I don't know what effect either of those things are going to have on my mental health. And I'm just really tired, and I can't tell if it's because the weather changed over the weekend and everyone's tired, or I ate too much, or I'm just actually not sleeping enough, or it's my hormones. But I just feel miserable. I cried at porn the other night. It was this really good dubcon, which was mostly overall consensual, just a bit pushing, but wasn't just about the 'empowerment' of complete submission, and it crystallised some of my attitudes/issues around dubcon. It was around the same time I saw a post on Tumblr shouting out to and supporting our new label, 'hypersexuals', who are apparently people who have kinks that upset or disgust them, have sex all the time, and have sex as a form of self-harm with people they don't like. Maybe? Maybe all of those features are supposed to be separate? I don't think they should necessarily be lumped in under one label anyway. But I definitely don't think it's helpful to just put them under one label and passively accept them in a way that lets people avoid talking or thinking about subjects, rather than thinking or talking about why people have those feelings or do those things. I'm sorry, I'm not being very progressive right now. I probably just don't understand tumblr, or young people, and how supportive but also critically-thinking they truly are.

Anyway. That post annoyed me. But they crying thing, I genuinely don't know if it's because it crystallised a few issues for me, or because I'm feeling incredibly emotionally raw because of everything that's going on at the moment. I got a bit teary last night, because my mum turned 68 and started asking if she was an old woman, she wasn't an old woman was she? And my dad started reminiscing about when he was young and used to punch people so hard he detached their retinas. I think they both miss their youth, and it upsets me to think in ideal circumstances, I will outlive them and they'll die and I'll have to live without them. And also their present is so awful, and that upsets me when I think about it, even though we've all kind of accepted it as normal at this point. I followed that up with a dream last night where my sister was younger, and just had one young kid, but kept coming into our house and insisting she should stay with us and eat our food because she didn't have any food for the kid at home, and she tried to make this up to us with beautiful singing, and I had to tell her that no matter how beautiful the singing was, it did not in fact make up for her invading all of our space and our house, and shouting at her that she was an awful cow and she was ruining all our lives. I told my mum about it this morning, and she was like "that was no dream".

Anyway. This sucks. I don't really know what to do about it. I could go see my doctor, but I honestly don't know what they can do for me. I'm already on anti-depressants, that I'm pretty sure I should have been weaned off of this spring. Other than that, I don't know that I have time for counselling or anything. I could call Samaritans to talk about this stuff, but they can't really talk back to you about stuff because they aren't trained, so it wouldn't really be like having a conversation about it. I'm just...I don't know if I should just hunker down, and hope for the best, wait for it to sort of get better. I've already had to take a step back from video game news, because it's just too stressful given what some arseholes on the internet think. I feel like crying right now, but I don't know if it'll help to just let myself be emotional about it. Because at what point do I stop? I should probably talk to my mum about this. But I don't really want to put any more on her shoulders. But I don't think I'm coping super well at the moment, and it might help the both of us to talk about it.